There really ought to be instructions for when the best friend you're in love with offers to take your virginity.
Too bad there's not.
CONTAINS GRAPHIC SMUT. ADULTS ONLY.
We've got to find other ways to make it alone, or keep a straight face; I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance, and up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness, because none of it was ever worth the risk, but you are the only exception. - The Only Exception, Paramore
"I'm so sorry," Tim said for the umpteenth time. "I had no idea you had feelings for me. God, if I had, I never would've— I never would've suggested this."
"I know you wouldn't," she snapped. "You weren't supposed to find out."
"Why wouldn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded, agonized. "I feel like I took advantage of you, of your feelings for me—"
"You didn't." She turned, crossing her arms beneath her breasts. He glanced down at them briefly. He still wanted her, it seemed, even now. "I wanted you any way I could have you. I didn't care if I destroyed myself in the process."
"Lea," he said miserably. "I do love you, just..."
"I know," she sighed. "Don't say it, please. I know you don't feel that way about me, and it's fine. Really. I never expected you to."
"I wanted you losing your virginity to be with someone who cared about you," he explained, as if she didn't already know that. "And I wanted it to be special and— and good, and I didn't trust anyone to give that to you. I didn't trust that another guy would set the right precedent for whoever you fall for in the future—"
"You really think," she cut in, her voice low and her face dangerous, almost. "You really think I could ever be with anyone after you? Seriously?" She scoffed, looking off to the side.
He took a step towards her, holding his hand out as if to touch her. "Lea, baby—"
She backed away.
"Don't touch me," she hissed. "Don't you dare touch me. And don't call me baby. Don't you fucking dare. I know we weren't... exclusive, and I know you didn't want anything more than friendship and sex, but I thought you had more respect for me than to just fuck some other girl."
He shook his head. "No, no, that's not how it was. I didn't know, I had no idea you— god, Lea, I'm so sorry, please forgive me, let me make this up to you, I swear, I'll be the best friend on the planet, please—"
"No," she snapped. "Friendship over. Sorry not sorry."
His face crumpled.
"Don't say that," he begged softly. "Please don't say that. I care about you so much, I really value our friendship."
"I don't care. I don't care how much I mean to you. I don't care how sorry you are. I was wrong to agree to this. I was stupid. Stupid and so, so fucking naïve."
"How can I fix this?" Tim pleaded.
"You can't," she hissed. "There is nothing you can do. I want nothing to do with you. You just... you stay the hell away from me, got it?"
"Lea," he repeated. "God, I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."
"I know," she said again. "I don't care."
With that, she walked out of his apartment, and she didn't look back.
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