Big girl problems

Chapter 1 . The break up

"Its not you, its me... i just got out of a three year relationship and i think i just rushed back into the dating scene, way too quickly"
Daniel was talking to me, but i wasn't listening, I've heard it all before, and these little break up speeches have become pretty much routine in my life. I just expected Daniel to have had a bit more bulls to say the real reason why we are breaking up after five months of dating, instead of  cowering away from the real truth like my other ex's did, its not so hard, all he has to say is 'Im getting a lot of slack from my friends for dating a big girl, And I'm a dickhead coward who cares way too much about what other people think to be with you' . You see not hard at all.

I sat there on the cold bench staring at Daniel, he is a very attractive man, and i'm not talking in the superficial way, im talking in a rugged manly sort of way, he had little things about him that all together made him so desirable; his dimples on his cheeks was very subtle, you could hardly see it was there until he smiled and they became embedded deep within his cheeks. In the five months that we were dating i would constantly try and make him laugh because when those dimples would appear, i knew it was for me. Yes, Im lame like that. He isn't smiling now though, he is staring at me pretty intensely. Probably waiting for my response.

"Okay". Silence, just the sound of the distant traffic which surrounds Hyde park where I unknowingly choose as the location for our final date. "Is that all you can say" even though its been fifteen years since Daniel and his family decided to up and leave sunny Australia and start a new life in rainy England, his accent became very noticeable when pissed!
Let me guess...how can a fat girl like me be "okay" when being dumped by a drop dead gorgeous guy like him, surly i should be holding on to his ankles while screaming at the top of my lungs for him to not leave me and making a complete arse of myself, as if being dumped isn't embarrassing enough.

"Im not sure what you want me to say" its cold and i just want my bed at this point, there is no need to drag this out any longer then it has to be, break ups should be quick and painless, trust me, i know. "How about a little gratitude. I have taken you out to all these fancy restaurants, I've introduced you to some of my mates, I've even cooked you dinner for christ sake and you still never..." and there it is, the real reason why i am being dumped, the fact that i actually thought it had something to do with my weight is laughable. You see, in past five months that we have been dating we never had sex, sure we did other things in the bedroom, i mean, come on, I'm not a nun. But he always wanted more, i suppose it was fun for him and me at the start when he would shower me with attention and take me places i haven't been before, i guess at some point it became a challenge for him, which he could never win, and he wouldn't be the only one who has ever tried and failed for that matter.
when he approached me that summer evening at the beer garden i must have resembled a woman so desperate for a mans affection, that I would be so lucky to sleep with anyone who laid their eyes on me, let alone a handsome prick like him. Well thats what i was thinking, but because i don't like confrontation and Daniel was my ride home, what I actually said was "You made me a salad with boiled eggs, thats hardly cooking Daniel" The muscles in his jaw tightened, "fuck you Chelsea, you fucking fat bitch. To think i wasted all that time on you" he turned around, hands in his pockets to shield them from the cold, and walks down the dark park, poorly lit by the trees blocking the street lights. Well there goes my ride home.
You would think that Daniel calling me a fat bitch would do me the world of damage, but I've become accustomed to the word 'fat', it was him saying that i was a waste of time that hurt more than anything.

I ended the night just like any other date, i went to my local takeaway shop and bought myself some comfort food, and headed straight home. The crisp October air was no longer a problem as i walk through the doors to my apartment building, i have to brace myself for the one hundred steps i will have to embark to get to the 4th floor, because the stupid lift has been out of order for the past month now. As im climbing up the treacherous steps and my legs begin to feel strain of every step; im reminded of something Daniel said earlier this week when he came over to Netflix and chill, which obviously meant he wanted to try and get lucky, because as soon as i put on Once upon a time in Hollywood he pounced on me, i almost gave into the hot kisses which he was placing on my neck, i even let out a low moan but had to snap out of the trance when i felt his hand sliding down inside my skirt. I jerked his hand away quite abruptly and told him to "please stop" he seemed okay but with closer inspection i could tell he was upset and in deep thought, after some time Daniels face seemed to relax as he said "you know its probably a good thing that your lift is out, maybe now you can get some much needed exercise, you could stand to lose a few", i felt that, right in the gut, i tried my best not to take it personally, after all his pride was wounded, I should have ended things with him right then and there, but I figured i should keep him around a little longer, as my date to my cousins wedding which is in a few months time, the only problem is i just didn't know how much of his snobby remarks i could take, before Daniel Mcdermott became a missing person.