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"And as we sat there listening to the carolers, I wanted to tell him it was over now and everything would be okay. But that was a lie, plus, I couldn't speak anyway. I wish there was some way for us to go back and undo the past. But there wasn't. There was nothing we could do. So I just stayed silent and tried to telepathically communicate how sorry I was about what had happened. And I thought of all the grief and sadness and fucked up suffering in the world, and it made me want to escape. I wished with all my heart that we could just leave this world behind. Rise like two angels in the night and magically... disappear."
Everybody leaves Matthew Murdock. Sooner or later, every person that once cared about him suddenly lets him go, thinking he's a lost cause. He pushes people away until they are inevitably cornered by his lies and apologies. Maybe they're not wrong by thinking that the altar boy is beyond getting help, even Matt himself knows it—he knows that if he pisses off the wrong guys, his loved ones are gonna pay for it too, that his own self-loathing will only lead them to chaos. This is what living for The devil of Hell's Kitchen feels like. A non-stopping cycle of guilt. Everybody abandons Matthew Murdock, even Tomás Balcazar.
One could see it clear as day in his face, the boy was broken. Full of anger and resentment against the world and the people living in it. He was like a wolf, a wolf who was forced to live a miserable life. A wolf that was so painfully wary and violence-hungry that even the wind itself was scared of him. However, like any other animal, that wolf needs rest. And Matt—being said wolf, doesn't rest. Ever since the accident, he struggled to fall asleep at night, and it progressively got worse as he chose the path of becoming a vigilante.
Ever since Elektra Natchios died, a piece of him died with her.
Tomás Balcazar leaves everyone. He disliked being seen, that feeling being oh so strange. It wasn't your normal sense of dislike though, he didn't like to be seen because he craved it so much to the point it was overbearing. 'Why can't good things stay?' He asks himself when he was presented with a situation where the pain demanded to be felt. Tomás was just never truly loved, so he has to improvise and assume how it feels. He wondered how it felt like in other people's eyes, but in his, it's just a deep ocean that you need to swim away from before you get drowned in it.
