Do you know the feeling, when your alone and everything around you slowly seems to fall apart?
You hear your voice, but this is not you. It is your mask, who is speeking so you do not have to.Inside of you, your heart is bleeding.
When you all by yourself, you can not even get a single minute of sleep. Instead your listening to your voice in your head, wich sounds just like yourself. But in real it is someone living inside you, tellinng you that you are not good enough, that your too thin or too thick.
Everyday is getting worse, the longer you are alone the more agressively the voice gets. You move on. With everyday that passes by a piece of your heart goes numb. Sooner or later you notice, that also people are making fun of you, while calling you a whore. Everytime the voice inside your head agrees, with the other people.
Your mask starts with beeing loudly and trying to get attention. It is trying to save you, while it still can. Even though your feelings are fading away, your mask is trying to keep up your own image. Everyday it is trying to get more and more attention, but everyone ignores it. Just because they do not understand what this anoying act of yours is supossed to mean.
While you crying out every night in your bed, just thinking that your useless and not a single person likes you, the people around you start to worry about your strange behavior. Yet they still do not understand a thing and while your anxiety is growing, they still believe you when you are saying that you are fine.
As time passes your personality is fading away, and slowly depression is growing inside you. Now there is not only one voice but there are more. Your mask looses some of its pieces. It can not hold in everything, that you want to hide. Your trust issues are growing and now you are to anxious to tell someone.
While cutting yourself, to see the blood dripping down to the floor and realising that your still alive, your wishing this is a dream. That you can just wake up and everything is as normal as it was before. Everyday you get a bunch of new cutts an your wrists and when you do not have enough space anymore, you continue on your legs.
Months have passed and still not a single person notices all the scars on your body, you keep asking yourself if they actually care about you.
Your heart hurts.
Your head aches.
And still you would not talk.
All your family passed away, you are allone and yet nobody seems to care. You are lonely, you keep laying in bed crying and listening to that voices in your head. They make you wann scream and then you scream. The voices stop talking while you are screaming.
The voices stop talking, when you cut yourself, so you do it. You just want them to stop talking. Your whole body has become numb and you do not seem to know why you are still alive. You just want an end.
Nearby there is a bridge, you look down at the water. Smiling you make a step forward onto the air. Now you fall. You feel tha air around your body, your closing your eyes, while you hear people screaming.
You feel paian throw your whole body.
You feel the water filling up your lungs, as you notice you do not want to die.
You want to live.
Everything around you is black.
When you try to open your eyes, you see a white wall and you are alive.
You smile.
How do you feel reader?
Are you really okay?
We all love you!
Please get help if you recognize yourself in that story!!!
