Fall, 1999.
-Kannazuki-
If hope was something hollow, or I was never hoping for anything from the beginning.
"No one came, like always."
It was my birthday, and for the fourth year, I got myself at the same place I loathe. A place that kept me away from a life I once cherished, but maybe that grudge wasn't holding that much as I gave up even believing I had a life once.
It was painful to see your life crumble slowly before your eyes. To be forgotten, and lost in a world that left you with a bitter smile.
"As they never known me."
Best friends turned to friends, friends turned to acquaintances, and acquaintances turned to strangers. My existence slowly faded into obscurity from everyone's memory. But, was it so important to brag about someone's sympathy?
It wasn't a sympathy, It was a pity.
To be given someone's attention because they felt pity for things that belittled them as if it was truthful and genuine was a lie given in every cake they sent.
"If I never been so sick."
The white-colored room, the bed that had never been so different since the first time I was admitted, the chrysanthemum patterned pajama that I always wore, The television that had always been only exciting stuff, the outdated magazines, and books that I had read in repeat for years.
"I don't have anything much left, even time."
Summer, 2000.
My admittance once again, ended.
It would be 4 months until the next admittance, I had already seen the pattern. It's like I had the summer break when I was still a student and then back to the mundane school days afterward.
"It's hot."
As I headed outside, the heat was crawling to my skin. Maybe it was a good idea to put on sunscreen before. The white one-piece cloth that I always loved to wear in summer, once again at its debut. It was perfect in this weather, especially for strolling at the beach.
"Maybe I would visit the beach before actually going home." So I thought.
I reached for my car key in my clutch bag. As I took a glimpse of it, I remembered the countless times I drove myself to the unknown, It was like a bad habit to get lost purposely. Maybe I didn't want to get lost, I guessed the reason why I always tried to get lost was perhaps because I just wanted to escape.
I giggled.
"A directional senseless driver... Huh?"
I searched for my car because somehow I forgot where I parked it last time. I didn't even remember the parking lot would be so empty yet I still forget where I put my car.
The sedan shone, catching my eyes toward it. A memoir from someone I dear, though she wasn't here anymore, the remembrance of her figure was still there.
"Been a while," I whispered.
I put the keys in and opened the door, I sat in the seat and quickly put the key to the ignition.
(Car engines rumbling)
The sound of engines, the smell of cheap car fresheners, and a picture of me in the old days were hanging in the rear-view window.
We depart once more...
-Bus station, Unknown Beach, 2:00 PM.
"The sea is always hiding something."
A quote from my mother that came from my mouth without hesitation.
If one thing I liked about the beach was the serenity that always yearned for me, the whispering breeze that always longed for something that was never there, a place my heart attached to. In contrast, my childhood memories were non-existent, But I've always remembered the time my mother brought me here every summer vacation. She'd told me stories about some sea creatures and brought me an Ice cream on a sunny day.
I hated her... until now.
I sat on the bus station bench which faced toward the sea.
