The Widow's Guardian

Chapter 38

My father used to tell me that living with fear would ultimately ruin my life. "Death doesn't hesitate in the presence of fear," he had advised me when I had been too afraid to cross the Wonhyo Bridge. I never had been afraid of drowning in the Han River. We had gone on many boat rides when we visited my cousin, but falling was something different. The thought yanked away my composure and left me wrapped around my father's leg, pleading for the safety of solid ground. "Fear only can affect your life. Do you want a hollow life?" he had asked me.

I replied, "A casket would be hollow enough." With that I strode off the bridge, refusing to speak to him for the rest of the evening.

As I grew, I understood what my father had meant. Fear could tether you to a life without fulfillment. With Ha-jun's death I had succumbed into a fear that drained me. Even now I still hadn't learned to overcome this soul-sucking parasite.

I took two steps back into a pile of what I presume to be vomit from the stench. My skin on my arms sprouted up with the foul stench. My hand shake so much that I drop my phone. Despite the device being an expensive recent model, I had no desire to pick it up. I didn't want to hear that voice again. I didn't want to see him.

However, I didn't have a choice. He was here, lingering in the shadows. My skin tinkled with discomfort of him coming closer. Of him touching me.

Dae-ho momentarily froze, examining every inch of my face. "Did they discover you are actually a criminal?" His voice was light but the muscles in his face were tensed, resulting in his expression to become pinched and deformed. He knew something was wrong. I didn't have to tell him. Spirits felt human auras and mine must have been having a frenzy.

I knelt down behind the dumpster, refusing to address the horrid substance that I drenched myself in. "Dae-ho I need you to check any high ledges around us. Do you see anything. Any balcony or roof that would have a solid view of us?"

The spirit's face became ashen. He rubbed the sweat off his clammy hands before saying, "What am I looking for?"

For a moment I was unable to speak. I didn't know what we were looking for. I may have done my research on criminal justice but it had been just books. I never learned how to be street smart. I don't know how to fight or take on a criminal mastermind. I don't even know if this man is relevant to the case or not. He could very well be a henchman or someone that just hates anyone affiliated with the police.

I curled myself in a ball, squeezing my legs together before my bladder loosened.

I didn't want to die.

It was such a tragic thought, but it was true. I didn't want to die. I wanted to live. Not even for just the Haechi but for myself. I had let this fear eat me alive since Ha-jun's death that I forgot how to live. I had been just surviving my whole life and now that I was dying I saw my surroundings with a new perspective.

I gulped down a breath, and then another as Dae-ho cursed and racked him brain for an explanation of my reaction. He wasn't an adequate guard, nor a partner in crime. He would've been better taking on Soon-bok's job keeping up my cover. Not that she would after she found out I stole a gun.

I sighed, getting to my feet. I ignored the adrenaline spikes and the temptation to flee. I wouldn't get far if the man intended to snipe me down.

On the other hand, he seemed to care about my survival yesterday regardless of our diverted paths.

I put a hand on my brow. My thoughts were beginning to arise a permanent headache.

With my hyper-sensitivity to sound, I leaped against the mildew-stained wall when I heard a spitting exhaust. My flawed reasoning made me pop my head up to inspect who was driving near the mouth of the alley.