To Forget You

Lexa Woods

To forget you is the most impossible thing to do. 

Memories of the love we once shared can never be erased. And even though time does heal all wounds, it can never wipe away the memories - but instead - slowly recedes in the very corner of our mind leaving behind fragments of a dream. Sometimes small things will spark these little fragments back to life and relive the memories again. 

To forget you is not to remember you. Every single thing I see, everything single thing I touch reminds me of you. Every subway station, every street that I turn to, every park bench, every drink, every star in the sky - the moon. But to forget you - it only meant one thing - I have to do whatever it takes to not remember you. Not to remember that under this bridge was our first kiss. Not to remember the first time I saw you walk inside the classroom. Not to remember the next day - after meeting you the first time - you brought me snacks - a stranger you hardly knew. 

Thinking back, how your gentle touches made me feel, I can't remember the physical touch but I remember the sentiment of it. 

Have I completely forgotten you, Clarke? Every time I tried to forget about you, I just end up thinking about you again. What are you doing now? Are you thinking about me too? How did we end up to this? 

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I made this decision with my head when I decided to break the news to you. I've dwelled on the thought of it for months on end. The love and happiness we shared; it's never going to last. If that's the case... If that's how we're going to end up in the end... Then why pursue a relationship that's going to wither away? What's the point of creating more wonderful memories, when I know this love... these smiles will slowly fade away into nothingness. I know these memories will only be part of a memory that I will incredibly miss and will forget heartbreakingly.

Before I met you, I've always wondered why songs can make people feel so emotional. What's up with these lyrics that were so cheesy and exaggerated to the point causing someone to cry all night? It's so dramatically pathetic. 

Before I fell in love with you, I could never relate to romantic novels. It's weird and cringe-worthy. Even ridiculously stupid to a point causing a tragic death between two young lovers. How can a human be capable enough to do such a thing for so-called... Love? Raven - who is so incapable of human emotion - laid awake at night after reading Romeo and Juliet. 

Before we became a couple, I thought movies are just a figment of imagination. A silly old film trying so hard to make people cry - and people literary fall for it! I can never understand how Octavia cry over the Notebook for days. It's so silly. 

When I realized I had fallen madly in love with you,  I finally understood how Raven and Octavia felt. I finally understood those sappy songs on the radio. I finally understood how these songs and novels were just a mere reflection of the writers' personal life. What they've gone through and it's amazing that they were able to share it with us in a very meaningful and soulful piece of art. I never felt so silly in my entire life for not realizing this soon enough that this was a reflection of our story that will be long gone before we know it. 

When I left that night, you have to know that I love you so much, yet I made a decision to tell you that we are going to separate soon. I know it'll be hard to accept. The pain we felt was not because of the act of separation but because the love we felt will never happen again. Love that is so blissful, passionate, and real. A love that was so powerful but has to be put to a stop - we have to let go now. 

Only a person who experienced this will ever understand. 

Ironic isn't it? The love I have for you is what brought us together and yet, it's the same love that will split us apart.