Feel Real

Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Three days I’d been spending in this mental hospital and it was feeling like home. Well, not home-considering that I hated my home-but a comfortable place. Well, not comfortable either. It’s a hospital. Hospitals are pretty depressing places no matter what they’re for; general hospital, mental hospital, animal hospital? Hospitals are full of death. Everyone tries to say they’re a place to find life, which is true, but everyone in one is dying. Technically no one in this mental hospital is dying but no one is healthy.

                Hospitals are depressing, no doubt about that one; considering everyone is dying. No one in a hospital is happy; unless of course they are leaving the hospital because they are happy. But, technically they won’t be in the hospital to spread their joy, they’ll be at home, happy they are out of that depressing place. For some reason though, in this ever so depressing mental hospital, I’m guessing even more depressing than general hospitals, considering there are actual depressed people; I have found a place I can breathe.

                Within the walls of this hospital filled with teens with mental issues I feel safe. No one here cares what I do, how I act. Unless the nurses count, then they do care what I do and how I act, only because it is their job. All the patients, I should say, don’t care how I act. And having come from a place where I am expected to act a certain way it is the most refreshing feeling. Not having to care about other’s opinions of me. Not caring how I look. Not having to act a certain way. Honestly I would stay here forever if it meant I didn’t have to live the life of Casey King. Getting away from my life has made me less depressed already. And I wish that my time here was more than the summer, just to stay away from it all. But I guess I’ll be in college soon enough but one year of suffering is too much. Maybe I could convince my parents to let me go where Sammy goes.

                The only suck ass thing about being here is not seeing Sam. My life saver. I’m pretty sure he is the only reason that I am here today. Because if it weren’t for him then who would have caught me trying to take my life? He has a bright future ahead of him to match his bright face. And I cannot wait to see him! Only twelve days until I see him, not counting today. That will be exactly two weeks since I got put in here, and the time that families can see their kids. They believe that sometimes the families cause the problem, which in my case is right. Also two weeks allows for the patient to be completely settled and have the doctors and therapists got a gauge on where the stay will go from now on. Of course, phone calls are allowed but no face-to-face contact is allowed until two weeks. The break is nice, refreshing.

                At three weeks friends of patients are allowed to come in, like I’ve said before. But I do not expect or plan to have any friends come and visit. Nor do I want any friends to come and visit, especially since I don’t see them as friends. Please dear God don’t have the entire cheer squad come; I can already feel a headache coming on just thinking of their squealing. And if Rick comes in, oh God. I hope he knows him coming in will hurt more than help; considering he cheated on me and all. I’m sure he’d see me in my sweats and lose shirt and be like “Where did I Go wrong, Casey? Cheating on you only hurt you! Take me back!” And of course I would appropriately slap him and scream and yell and get put in the high security unit; making Rick yet again help more than hurt.

                My old life aside, I have Sammy. And I have Racheal. And I guess I have Daniel, like it or not.

                This place is so weird. It’s a place that you would never think to find light but yet I have. Within three days I have already become attached to people, Sammy specifically. And I have never become so attached to someone so quickly. It’s scary. But more so it is nice to finally find someone to trust and talk to; something I severely lacked in my old life. So far this mental hospital, depressed and full of suicide, has made me feel so alive.