Letters to Elif

Second Letter

Bora spent longer than he would ever admit reading the first letter from Ada. It was the first tangible thing he had from her for months and he couldn't put it down. It made his heart ache. His fingers traced every word, every pen line, noticing where she had applied extra pressure where the letter spoke of him. The crinkled paper where her tears had dried. He must have run his finger over the word canim at least 100 times before it occurred to him that he had a stack of these letters. He gently folded up and slipped the first letter back into it's envelope, placing it down carefully on the bed beside him. Bora had to drag his eyes away from it before reaching for the next one. He is pleasantly surprised to find they were in date order, seems Elif was picking up some of his organisational habits. He smooths it out and reads:

"Elif Canim,
I was so happy when I received your reply, absolutely delighted. I had convinced myself that you wouldn't want to hear from me. But of course my dearest Elif I shouldn't have been surprised by your sweetness. Please thank your grandad for helping you write and pos it, he is an utter gem (cok teskeridirjm Zeyfer bey).
I'm glad to hear that the other kids in your class have come around after the trouble at the start of the term. So glad you have made really good friends, always hang on to a great friend. I would be lost without Selin. I knew they would move past it and see how wonderful you are. I have always believed once people know the reasons behind your actions forgiveness becomes much easier.
I have sent one of my favourite scarfs with this letter. My hope is that if you ever need for an added boost of confidence or need to feel that I am there with you, which I am always, you can tie it in your hair or around your wrist.
On the topic of school, I am talking to my old university to see if they will allow me to complete my last few classes here in Bursa. If they do, we are likely to be completing school work at the same time, just in different places. I'll work hard if you do canim benim, school is very important.
Aslan misses you and put the drawing you sent on our fridge. He has gone back to work so I see him less. Both my aunts are re-adjusting to being at home. Aunt Nergis says she feels she can breath better in Bursa. She's not wrong, it is nice to be home, we do have more parks and gardens. I actually bought the scarf you now have from the silk market down the road a few years ago, when I visited at New Years. I did always miss the greenery when I was in Istanbul.

I am very sorry to read that you are worried about your Dayir. I'm sure work is very busy at the moment. I promise he is not avoiding you, Prenses. He would never do that. He loves you so so much. Sometimes people just need time to process things by themselves. I am really sorry. I promise I never meant for any of this to turn out the way it has. Just give him time. I wish I could give you a big cuddle.
Elif, I am sure he won't but if your dayir does ask if you have heard from me please tell him the truth. I don't want you hiding anything from him, especially because of me.
I miss you both,
Ada"

Bora let out a massive breath that he was unaware he had been holding. Allah allah- I hadn't imagined anything could be harder to read than the first letter but clearly I was wrong.
Bora was not surprised that Elif had sent a reply, she adored Ada and Ada was not an easy person to let go of. He knew that more than most. It was also unsurprising that Zeyfer had helped. He had always had a soft spot for Ada and called Bora a fool for letting her go so easily. What really struck him though was that Ada thought so lowly of herself that she would be so easily forgotten by people who clearly loved her dearly.
Reading her support and love for his niece caused warmth to spread from his heart all the way to his toes. Truly, nothing could endear you more to Bora than bring joy and love to his Prenses' life. Ada had done this. She had always done this. From the very day she met Elif. He couldn't help but to love her for it. Even after everything they went through and everything he said Ada still supported and loved Elif.
He reread the line about forgivenesses, before quickly moving on. Bora knew there was more to unpack there but for now moved on to process everything else in the letter.
He was so proud she has spoken to the university. He knew she had so many regrets about dropping out. She had so much potential. He wished he had known, he could have spoken to the professors and ensured she would be allowed to continue.
Reading the second to last paragraph felt like someone was stabbing him with icicles. Elif had told Ada she was worried about him. Casting his mind back to those dark first few weeks, Bora had to admit he was incredibly withdrawn. He spent most of his hours burying himself in work. If his mind was busy on articles, budgets and viewing statistics it didn't have time to drift to the gaping hole in his life. He had tried to hide this from Elif and ensured he was there to tuck her into bed. He would then return to the office and often slept there. How could I be so stupid? Of course Elif noticed that, she isn't blind. How could I have let her think I was avoiding her? Bora couldn't have felt worse. He made Elif think he was avoiding her and then Elif leaned on Ada for support, which couldn't have been easy for Ada to do and probably added to the guilt she clearly already felt. Then on top of that Ada wanted to make sure Elif didn't lie to him. "I miss you both" God! He threw his body down onto the bed and covered his face with his hands. He felt like shit. How could he be so oblivious to the pain of two people he loved dearly. He could perhaps excuse himself when it came to Ada's pain, he had known deep down she was hurting as much as he was but he had chosen to ignore it. There was no excuse for Elif though. He saw her every day. He took a few deep breaths, it would take him hours to read an process these letters if the first two are anything to go by. He looked at his watch, 11pm, looks like he was in for a long night.