The love I wish I never had.

The love that came over and over.

Hi my name Amy and I will be telling you my life story of a deep heart brake:

Me and my boyfriend were such an amazing couple...so I thought...
We went on cruises, went to the Grand Canyon, and we even had our own little movie night it was the best thing I've ever experienced. His name was Ivan and he was a sweat heart. But soon he started to acted different.

Like he would always say I'm going to go with some friends for a couple of hour or he would say I have to go meet someone for work I'll be back in a bit but came the next morning weird. I didn't think much of it bc I trusted him. Suddenly, this kept happening for ages and I got fed up and curious so I went in to investigate and his phone while he was showering.

I went to messages just to find out some girl was texting him saying " see you tonight baby". I was furious, I quickly went to see who it was just to find out it was MY BEST FRIEND BRIANNA?!?! I was so heart broken my stomach was melting and aching I was about to cry. Soon enough I confronted him about it and he said it's not what you think and I have had enough. Then, I stormed off crying so hard my eyes were red and swollen...

About a month later I started to finally feel better and managed to bring myself together just a bit...but I still felt lonely. Brianna was posting so many pics of her and Ivan on social media and I was so fed up with it. I could've blocked her but, I didn't know what I was feeling. It became so bad and it hurt but i was interested in seeing what they were doing. It felt like my body wouldn't listen to my mind. It's kinda like I was jealous? The jealousy took over me so badly I started to keep up with all of there posts and stalk their page.

A few days later I was scrolling on there page once again and saw her post. A photo that the caption said "new couple # couplegoals # loveeee" I was so mad and furious that you could practically see steam come out of my ears.

I knew you would break my heart...
I knew you wouldn't be the one...
You weren't the one I was going to finish off with..

Suddenly I remembered I wise person told me you will never find the right one, if you never let go of the wrong one..

Also, it was hard to let go of you..

The one I loved the most..

The one I lended my whole life too...

If this was what love felt like I would never want it again. I was to scared to love and be the only one who exposed it.
That love I felt was never there, the whole time I was just... holding on too something that was never there which was love for you...

Now I know a cheat will always stay a cheater...

Why why me? What did I ever do to him to deserve this?

He started to loose him feeling when I introduced him yet her they gave each other a nasty grin look I didn't think much of it tho. And so I found out Brianna was just using him for his money and they broke up. I was happy but sad at the same time. Apparently, he noticed she kept asking for money to buy A Gucci as well as Louis Vuitton items. I was so shocked.

She seemed like a nice girl but I guess I thought wrong. eventually,I said to myself maybe I should try going back to him? Maybe he's changed from what time of lesson he learned from her?

So I unblocked him and said hello I'm sorry about your break up between you and Brianna but do you think we could try again and he said he would love that. So we started seeing each other again but we took it slower this time but thing weren't working out.

The littlest things annoyed him like if we went to go but groceries we would say put that back we don't need it. Thing like that but they got worse. So I left him. And now I felt a little heart break but I know it was the right thing to do.

I don't know about him anymore I didn't want him to be apart of my life anymore.  Me? Well I felt weak and so down at this point I didn't feel like I would find another love. 2 years later I got some therapy and got myself back together. One day i met this amazing guy. He was sweet,handsome, loyal. I trusted him so much I didn't care about my ex or anything bad.

Sooner or later he said he was going with some friend. My stupid self trusted him and said ok have fun!!! Late and midnight he gets home very drunk I should say and he came to come to bed. I was shocked he drank but I really didn't care. The next morning I asked him we're he went last night he said don't worry about it. I said ok.

Unfortunately, this kept happening and I got worried. Each time he got home soon he came later at night day, after day. Then he kept coming home drunker and drunker each time and it kinda scared me.

When I got home one night he came home with some girl I guess he figured I was asleep. They watched a movie and acted as if a COUPLE!!!. I ran out and confronted them. He was still super drunk and they both got shocked and he grabbed his belt and just started hitting me over and over the girl got scared and left but good thing I got away.

I got in my car and drove off going somewhere crying and  poring into tears.  I didn't think he would do such a thing. He came and chased me in his car I pulled over and got out and said " why why are you going this?" He didn't reply he grabbed me and started hitting me again and again.

I was screaming for help as loud as I could to the point my lungs would explode. Some man came running and attacked him. He día run to my car!!! They got into a fight and I found a phone in his car and called 911 apparently they sent him to jail again because he turned out to be doing this to other girl to and was a psycho.

I thanked the man that saved my life he said no problem. Then, he said so tell me how did you end up like this? I told him everything. He was shocked and said sorry thing all happened to me.

I said it all right. He said would you like to go out on a date with me? I said i don't know if I can trust anyone anymore. He said I know I'm the same way but you gotta start somewhere right? I said ok one chance.

So we started dating and it was amazing, he didn't hit me, and got me everything I needed. We fell in love and got married 7 years later. I joined college to become a doctor. It wasn't quite easy to get in tho.He was a psychologist for many years. I got the job and I was so happy we went to a trip to Washington Seattle and had a blast.

We saw the space needle and everything. Life went on but soon I had two kids a boy and a girl we made sure their life was perfect. They were beautiful and there's names were Charlotte and Aaron. 20 years later very old they're off living a nice life with they're family they built and it was me and my husband just living.

Until one day my heart chattered get had passed away in a car accident. Once my kids had found out they were desperate and so was I.

I never thought that this would end how it is I became depressed and my kids couldn't help so they got me a therapist to help me.

Even that took a while. I got ok a long time later but the littlest thing smade me remember him. Like our movie nights and our adventures we would take with the kids even the food we ate.

One day it was my time to pass on and I died. My kids were old to but I always looked down for them. This is the life I lived in the good or bad saved me.

I'm going to tell you the stages I went through my life. First, is the happy stage I had a loved one that made me feel comfortable. Second, the heart brake we broke up  because he cheated on me with my bsf. Next the love again this one  was amazing and sweet. Also, the disappointment with the abuse I went through. Then the the last love j ever had he was amazing I got my life back together I became a doctor had 2 kids. The last stage I ever had was when he died... I became miserable.

That is it for today I hope you guys enjoyed this book I know it's really bad but hey we get better and better as we practice right. Goodbye!!!