The Diary of my ADHD Brain

Preface

As I went through my teenage years, I always felt somewhat different from my classmates. I could never quite put into words what made me feel this way.
I was rarely able to form long-lasting relationships, whether it be platonic or romantic ones. Yet I always loved people deeply.

I was always so incredibly bored in class. Yet, I had really good grades.

I always felt like an outsider. Yet, I had a group of friends and romantic interests.

That's the thing about adhd; it is incredibly contradictory, which makes it very challenging for the person who has it to even realize they do indeed, have it. It's so difficult to explain that our loved ones and therapists may not even detect it. Some of us mask so much, so often - even unknowingly - that we may even gaslight ourselves into believing that we are neurotypical. Yet, there is still that small percentage of 'what if ?' What if have adhd? Would that diagnosis make me feel valid? Would I be kinder to myself if it was the case? These are all questions most adhders have asked themselves at least once.

When I first started thinking about publishing my diary entries on the internet - which can sound scary because they are so incredibly personal - I thought that this is what I would've needed to read years ago. I would've felt less alone, had I been able to read someone's genuine, raw and real feelings. Unfortunately, I had to start this journey on my own, not knowing where it would ultimately lead me. I have learnt so much about myself and others in the past couple of months thanks to support groups on Facebook. If you are struggling out there, you may want to consider joining one, just to give it a go.

I hope reading my diary helps you. I hope reading what I am going through, my insecurities, my challenges, my lows and my highs makes you feel less alone.

Side notes :
- Triggers warnings will be added to the beginning of every entry if sensitive topics are dealt with.
- This is not fictional.
- My experience is in no way, shape or form universal.