Being Good Enough

Chapter 17

Khadijahs POV

I laid in bed motionless while Mean Girls played on the TV even though I wasn't watching. At this point all I feel is exhausted. Its 8 o'clock and I just got done with my 5-hour crying session. I still haven't fully processed what happened at Chris's house.

I just don't understand why he would do that to me. Personally, I thought that I was a great girlfriend. I listened to Chris, I supported him, I had fun with him. What more did he want? Was it the no-sex thing that drove him away? Well, thats too bad. Not every girl is just going to bust it wide open for Chris like he expects.

After him cheating the second worst part was when he said that he was embarrassed of me. What kind of boyfriend says that?! Maybe i'm not as pretty or as popular as some of the other girls at school but it shouldn't matter because looks don't matter. Well in my opinion they don't. I guess looks are important to Chris. And apparently his reputation is more important than me.
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I grabbed a small mirror of my dresser to look at the aftermath of my first breakup. I cringed at what I saw. I'm not one of those girls that looks really pretty crying. My eyes were alarmingly red, my nose was runny, and my entire face was swollen. I'm a mess.

Before running back to the comfort of my bed, I saw Chris's clothing folded neatly on the dresser. It was from the first time that I slept at his house. I said I would return it but that never happened. Before, the peices of fabric were a happy memory. Now, looking at them just made me upset all over again.

I suffocated myself in the warmth of my big, thick comforter. All I need is some sleep to get my mind off of this situation. My attempt at getting peace was interuppted by a knock and the door of the room opening.

"Khadijah," Grandma said, softly. I hear her feet pattering on the floor as she came closer to me. She sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed my hair in a comforting way.

"You didn't eat, didn't do your homework, you've been cooped up in your bed all day. Whats going on?" She asked.

"Remember the-" I started to talk but stopped once I heard how bad my voice sounded. I coughed a little to try and bring back how I actually sound. "Remember the boy I told you about? It um didn't wo-ork out with him," I continued, with my voice cracking a bit.

Grandma scooped me up in her arms. I laid my head on her chest, wrapping my arms tightly around her. It felt good to get motherly affection.

"The first break-up is the hardest," she sighed. "You're young. Once a boy snatches you off your feet, you fall very hard. Then, when it doesn't work out, you feel like your entire world is over," Grandma spoke to me. I listened to every word she said because that is exactly how i'm feeling right now.

"I know how you're feeling Khadijah. And you probably don't want to hear this right now but guess what? Life goes on. You don't need this boy. You're smart, funny, kind, and on top of all that you're beautiful. Don't let this one boy ruin your day,"

"Grandma, i'm 17 and this was my first boyfriend. Im obviously not that beautiful and funny and kind."

"Don't ever base your self-worth on boys attraction to you. Thats ridiculous, you are all those things and more, Khadijah. Don't ever let me hear you bringing yourself down. You deserve a great boy, whoever you're talking about now isn't it."

I completley agree with Grandma. I should be with a boy who likes me. ALL of me. Chris isn't that boy. If he's not crying and upset over losing me, then I shouldn't be upset over him. I can't believe that I used to think I wasn't good enough for Chris. I'm actually too good for him!
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The air was awkward. I was sitting next to Micheal in math class. He had made no attempts to speak and neither did I. What should I say? I rejected and also probably embarrased him. But he was one of my only friends and I didn't want our friendship to be ruined.

"Micheal," I whispered lowly. He looked at me.

"I'm sorry for um running off. I was just...overwhelmed. I just don't want us to be different now."

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have done that, I don't even know if you like me," He replied.

I looked into Micheals eyes, nervously. "I do like you. But if we become something more, I want to take it slow."

A wide smile spread across his face, "Yeah, of course we'll take it slow."

Him smiling made me smile. But soon enough, a confused look came upon his face.

"You said you had a boyfriend yesterday," Micheal stated.

I shook my head no. "I didn't have a boyfriend. I was just nervous about you trying to kiss me or whatever so I just said as an excuse. I don't even know why I said it actually. But no, I don't have one."

I didn't want to lie to Micheal but at the same time, I want to start fresh with Micheal. I don't want previous drama from my relationship with Chris to affect me and Micheal.
-
The hallway was totally crowded as Micheal and I stepped out of math class.

I ignored the dirty looks from Christina. And normally, it would've ruined my day if I saw Chris around Karrueche but today I didn't even care when I saw him kiss her. I'm so over Chris.

I felt someone touching me. I looked down to see Micheal holding my hand. I gave him a big smile as we walked down the hallway, officially a couple.