The Tales of having One friend

Mercy

Mercy was her surname, her first name was also Katherine and she might have been the closest but also the worst friendship I have ever had. 

This one left a whole bunch of triggers that I have to carry for the rest of life.

She was and probably is the biggest reason why I still cry at night. 

She wasn't my best friend or anything close to it, but I felt like she was the person that was the most honest and I felt the most safe. 

I met her around the same time as I did Tanya, but at the being I absolutely hated her - I don't have any idea why - and that lasted up until high school. When she became apart of my class and I guess I got close to her through Jo Anne and a friend of hers. 

At first I was still skeptical - and now I see that I shouldn't have let those thoughts disappear - but after a few months, things started to change, she felt to be nicer (even while being honest), she showed me 'symptoms' of being caring and kind, all the things I looked for in a friend. In all honesty, it felt like she was being truthful about what her intentions were with me, she was there because she wanted to.

At least, that's what I thought.

To be truthful, I have no idea what actually changed between us, from my perspective she started to interact with other people - people who reminded her of her past self - and she turned back into being that person I hated with all my being. 

She stopped being what I liked about her. And with that, ended my desire to fight for that friendship. 

Her honest thoughts started to become vocal and they started to change my perspective of myself and what I was or what I wanted to be. 

After a couple of months, she got even more involved with the 'wrong' people and I think they changed how she viewed me. 

Her friendship didn't mean too much for me to be butthurt about it. It mostly annoyed me about how I reacted to it, in the sense that I thought she was exactly what I wanted in a friend since she didn't bullshit me or my attitude towards triggers, but I guess that's exactly what created another trigger for me because she still didn't care about what I felt, because she still commented about me to other people who know nothing about me and everything else that I probably I don't know about. 

All I know is the physical stuff and what I could see that might not have anything to do with me but actually having to do with another friend (next part) but it still hurt being followed around, with them commenting on our YouTube videos or saying how stupid we were and shit like that. 

It might not be directly against me but it sure felt like it.