Malachi Whitticur: Monster Hunter Extraordinaire [Wattys2015]

Chapter One

I never thought a demon's blood would boil so hot on my skin; but that's what I get for leaving my cursed blade in the bedroom upstairs, giving myself no other choice but to slay a demon with a kitchen fork. The kitchen fork I was just eating with. I think I've lost my appetite. I absently wonder if when I do continue my lunch if the blood would give it a better taste; I couldn't cook for shit. I have half a mind to actually try it but I had more pressing concerns than developing a new recipe right now. A demon just attacked me. In my house. MY house. I would've brushed it off if it had attacked me out on the street or near a portal to the underworld but this stupid demon had the balls to attack me while I was eating. Doesn't it know that my lunch was bad enough already without it? There's no way I'm letting this go now.

I jab the demon a few more times in its neck partly because I'm angry as hell and to keep it incapacitated for a while. Demons look like any ordinary human but when they decide to enter their true form their skin turns black as obsidian with red vein like structures glowing on it, their irisies grow large and red. This one isn't in his true form.

"Why on my damn day off?" I sigh as I run upstairs.

I walk slowly, my fork poised in the air like it's freaking Excalibur. If one demon is here, maybe there are others. They don't usually move in packs but they also don't usually have the balls to attack someone like me either. Adrenaline and eagerness zip through me. An odd reaction you say? Well besides the fact they just interrupted my lunch I had a feeling these demons just stole my two days off and that's enough reason to make me actually look forward to finding more demons. I need a punching bag to release all this anger, and a demon is my favourite kind of punching bag.

I walk even slower as I approach my room door. My back is sliding along the wall as I stare through the small slit of my ajar door. Sure enough I saw the good for nothing hell spawn rummaging through my closet. I wondered what the hell it could possibly want there, we definitely didn't have the same taste in clothes. For some reason these demons loved it all black and leather. Sure I liked black and I liked leather but if it's been in the demon fashion line there was no way in hell I was going to be seen in it. No way on earth either if you just tried to be a smartass.

I try to canvas the rest of the room but my field of vision is limited. I don't usually make uncalculated moves but I have to take this chance, the demon downstairs could full heal at any time. So I kick the door in and run in there with my fork in hand. I must look like a hungry cannibal to the demon as he turns around. I wouldn't eat a demon though, they probably taste bad and all, you know, being all damned to hell and such. Stuff like that bitters meat. I absently think about the demon blood recipe from before and come to the conclusion it's not such a good idea after all. That lapse in thought gives the demon an opening and he punches me in the face.

He hits like a bitch.

I throw a left punch and then swing at him with my fork. He steps back and tries to hit me again. I catch his hand and stab it with the fork. The blood bubbles and boils. Something jumps on my back and my first instinct is to try to jab its eye out. I miss and I can't understand how, Ginsley will taunt me forever about that. I begin running backwards and slam the demon on my back against the wall. His grip loosened a little but then tightened again. I run forward a bit ready to go back and slam in the wall again. The demon I stabbed in the arm comes at me. I jump and kick it with both feet, sending it away and me back into the wall. The demon on my back is winded and releases me. I immediately lunge under my bed, look up and take out my cursed blade that's in a sheath secured to the bedstead.

A hand grabs my foot and pulls me from under the bed. It's the demon who was on my back. I lift my upper torso a little and swing at its hand. The blade cuts clean through, there's no blood this time. Just a steam like vapour and the cut through area cauterizing due to the blades effect. Disenabling the limb from healing or re-growing. I get up and slash its head off. Flames took the demon, turning it to ashes. I spin on my heels thrust my blade into the demons heart. It too is enveloped by flames. I hurry down the stairs and back to the kitchen. I throw the fork on the table next to the bleeding demon.

I yank its head up and turn it to face me.

"Listen demon," I said slapping it to get its focus, "You have two choices. Tell me why the hell you're in my house and I kill you. Or, tell me why the hell you're in my house and I kill you quickly."

He looks at me dazed. I wonder if I made the choices too hard for him, he must think I'm his college professor. If I was I would've given him an X in human assassination and WPS as my commentary. 'X' for extremely untalented. WPS for worthless piece of shit. His eyes start rolling back.

I slap him, "Come on, and don't die on me without giving me an answer."

He doesn't say a word. I leave him and go for my recipe book in the cupboard under the sink. I take my reading glasses out of my pocket and squint as I put it on my nose. I open the book.

"Eleanor, I need a healing potion." I say

"Cut yourself trying to chop onions again?" It, rather she, says.

"I have a demon bleeding out on my kitchen table. I can't let it die. It has something to tell me."

"A she-demon? Did she want to ask you out or something? I told you you'd find your soulmate someday. But why is she bleeding out? Virgin?"

"I stabbed it in the neck."

"That's not how you treat ladies. No wonder you've been single for so long."

I grit my teeth, "Just give me the recipe dammit."

The pages of the book starts to flutter. Soon it lands on a page that says healing potions. I quickly find the ingredients and mix them together. Ironic how I can make a healing potion so easily yet I burn the turkey every thanksgiving.

I go over to the demon and pour the potion down its throat. After two seconds of nothing I begin to question my chef skills in potion making. Another three seconds later the demon starts.

"Like I was saying. Tell me why you're in my house. Keep in mind I just saved your life so you owe me at least that."

Its mouth gapes open for a while and then it breathes, "Gorpa."

I wonder what the hell's a Gorpa, but before I can ask the demon's body begins shaking and it starts to turn to ashes. What the fuck? Seriously? I just saved your damn life demon, you can't die without first saying thank you! I try to calm myself, remembering demons never had mother's to teach them manners. Now the only way I can find out what is a Gorpa is by going down to Ginsley's place.

As I predicted, the demons have ruined my two days off. But they've paid and whoever sent them is going to have to pay for lunch. I put the bloody fork in a plastic bag and then shove the bag in my pocket.

Hey you, sorry for not introducing myself earlier, damn demons interrupted me. My name is Malachi Whitticur and I'm a Monster Hunter. You know, monsters like the bogeyman, Bigfoot, vampires and such. Well not Bigfoot, he's like my bestie now. But you get the idea. As I leave my house I get the feeling we're going to be besties too.

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A/N:

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