10 steps of surviving a horror movie

Bonus tips

1.)If the gang plans a fun midnight party in the town's old abandoned mansion, don't tag along. Especially don't tag along if everyone's going as couples,except you're the odd guy/gal out. And if you're the gang's jokester, you may as well write up your last will and testament while you're driving with them tothe place.

2.)If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.

3.)If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, although you are running and themonster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

4.)If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.

5.)If you realize that the people in your town/county are having their minds taken over by some strange force, alien or otherwise: DO NOT call the police asthey are A) either already taken over themselves and will turn you in or B) will not believe you and laugh at you. Either way, you must handle the problemyourself.

6.)When you land on a distant planet and find some objects that look like eggs, leave them alone.

7.)When one of your spaceship's crew finds a hideous parasite attached to his body (as a result of disobeying the previous rule), don't let him back on theship. The guy's dogmeat anyway.

8.)If you manage to lose a few body parts along the way, don't despair. Take this opportunity to replace them with weapons, such as chainsaws, harpoons,etc.

9.)If you're a male, get out of there as fast as possible! The only one who ever survives is a female.

10.)If you are a female, never show your breasts, easy women are expendable.

11.)Ask why the estate is being sold so cheap.

12.)If you have defeated the monster, pay close attention to the camera, if it pans away for no apparent reason at all, get the heck out of there.

13.)Your dog can take care of itself..

14.)So can your spouse...

15.)And your kids.

16.)If you're being chased by a monster and you find one of your friends and they ask "what's wrong?", don't stop and try to explain. Just tell them to run asyou go by. If they're really your friend they'll follow. If not - that's their tough luck.