Came To Mind (OneShot Compilation)

3

Nakatunganga lang ako sa phone ko na hawak ng kaliwa kong kamay na nakapatong sa lamesa. Nakahiga ang ulo ko sa lamesa kong puno ng mga papel na nagkalat. The lights in my room were dim as well. My thumb was barely swiping the screen, not sure what to watch or read.

My whole body is tired, my energy is drained. I don't even know what am I doing.

No.

I know what I'm supposed to be doing. But I'm not gonna do it. I won't do it. I don't have the energy for it.

What am I doing?

I heard the door of my room open, but I was too tired to even move my head. I can feel myself wanting to sleep, but I don't need that sleep.

"Anong ginagawa mo?" The person who came in asked. It was my caretaker. Caretaker of the house, to be specific.

I hummed, trying to shrug in response.

The person walked over to see what I was doing. "Hindi mo pa tapos mga assignment mo?"

I didn't answer. What's the point of answering if she could already see the scattered papers?

Humans are funny. People are annoying.

"May pa-ganyan-ganyan ka pa," Aniya. How I wish she would just shut up forever. "Kung may oras ka gumanyan, may oras ka gawin mga assignment mo."

And with that, she left my room. She didn't even wait for my reaction, if I'll follow her or not. She doesn't care. She's just acting up for my parents that are absent for the mean time.

But, finally, she's left.

She doesn't care, yet she wasted her energy to tell me to do my work. At least, she still has energy.

It pissed me off. Her tone screams 'Stop pretending. Stop being lazy. Do your work.'

I'm still waiting for the day someone, or something, would claw and take out her throat. That would be nice.

I heaved a deep sigh, and forced myself to raise my head. I stare at the phone on my hand, the only thing that has the chance to make me connect to anything.

'I should be doing my homework.' I thought to myself.

My attention went elsewhere. I could hear noises from outside my window. Children playing and shouting. Good for them.

I placed down my phone, and look at the sheets of paper and book I should be answering. It's my responsibility, but I can't even lift my hand to pick up the pen.

Alas, I let myself warm my seat and stare into a wall in my room. I didn't mind the tears forming in my eyes, yet I'm not gonna let them fall.

I didn't do anything, but I feel this wave of guilt constantly crashing in me. As if a crime happened, and it was all my fault.

When did I go wrong? When did it all stop working out for me?

I forced a chuckle, expecting a laugh. The medicine didn't work and it disappointed me. I disappointed myself.

I hate myself.

Biglang tumunog ang phone ko. Tinignan ko 'yon at nalaman na may chat ang class president namin sa groupchat.

President:
Isa nalang ang hinihintay namin. Alam kong binabasa mo 'to. It's okay if you don't feel like visiting. 

Tinitigan ko pa nang ilang minuto ang screen bago ko 'yon patayin. Huminga ako nang malalim nang ilang beses until, finally, binangon ko ang sarili ko. 

I went out of my room, went down stairs, ignored the shouts and screams, and left the house. It's like my feet has it's mind of it's own. 

What am I doing? Where am I going?

I found myself going to our nearby park. I immediately heard my heart beat fasters as I stepped on the pavements. My body felt like it was warming up.

"Hey!" 

I raised my head when I heard one of my classmates. I saw them gathered up, some were sitting on a picnic blanket, all in front of a blossoming tree. 

One of them came to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder as he walks me to the group. 

"We're glad you could come." our president said when I reached them, giving me a wistful smile. 

With heavy steps, I went closer to the tree. 

I pressed my hand against it. I thought it was a withering back then, but here it is, thriving. It's bark is healthy, and leaves are green and bright. 

The sunlight seeped through the leaves, giving me the comfort I suddenly felt. I raised my head as I close my eyes. 

Weird how heaviness was piling up in my chest. I wonder how long will it be trapped there.

I once again opened my eyes, just as I saw a leaf fall off from a branch. I never had the energy to react to anything since a few months. 

"We all miss her." our president stood by my side, gazing at the tree as well. "I wonder what she thinks of us now." 

My mouth gaped as I tried pushed a word out of it. I'm having a hard time with it. 

"I miss her." he said again.

Heaving a sigh, I lowered my head. I released my hands grip. I felt rain drops fall down on my face. I looked at the ground. I unclenched my jaw. 

"Me too."

If it was me, will the tree be as healthy as it is right now? I wonder. 

For sure, if it was me, it long have been withered. How I missed.