Suicidal ( Jc Caylen )

Chapter 31

I walk into the hotel room that Connor sent me. He told the front guy to give me a key. He gave me Jc's room.  Its about 4am and im finally there. I walk up the steps. Each step a take, it makes mt heart  beat faster and faster. I get outside his door and slide my key. The door unlocks. I slowly open and turn the light. 

I scream " Hunny im ho- oh!!! "

As my eyes land on the bed i stop. She's there next to him, like im supposed to be. 

Tears fill my eyes and they instantly fall. I stare. Theres nothing else i can do. 

" Kenzie why are you here? Oh shit. "

I feel arms wrap around me and i fall, screaming. Jc instantly looks up. The look on his face is horrified. 

" Kenzie. "

I turn to Kian, ignoring what Jc said and cry into his chest. 

" Kenzie please. "

I scream " Dont fucking talk to me. "

" Isnt that the girl management made you date? Why is she here? "

I say " You told her, this was for management. That video wasnt for managemnt was it. You did it because you were seeing her behind my back. Oh my god. "

Kian's grip tightens on me and i start to cry harder. 

"Whats going on in here? "

I look over to see Sam. He looks up.

He says " Oh. "

I hear more people come in. More than likley the other boys.

" Who is she? "

Thats Connor. 

"How did she get in here? "

Thats Ricky.

"Why is Kenzie even here? "

Thats Trevor. 

" Kenzie? "

I look over at Connor. He takes me out of Kian's arms and holds me tight, swaying us back and forth. I wipe my face and turn to look at Jc. 

I say " Why? "

He says " Kenzie i-"

I say " No. Dont say i dont know.  "

He says " Baby please listen to me. "

I say " Jc i cant! You dont understand how i feel right now. "

I walk out of the room with someone following me. I dont know who it is. Im scared to look back. I keep walking. I grab the suitcase and pull it behind me as i go out down the stairs as fast as i can. I push open the doors and go out to my car.  I toss my suitcase  in the trunk and shut it. I go to the front and sit in the driver seat. I see Kian in the passenger seat. 

I say " What are are you doing? "

I wipe my face. My voice is shaking and i feel terrible. 

He says " Im coming with you. Im not leaving you alone. "

I say " Why? I want to be alone. "

He says " Because when your alone, you think more than you should. You get this feeling that your not wanted, or people dont need you. Im not leaving you alone through this. Im not positive you would come back out alive. "

I say " I dont want to make it out alive. "

I look down and Kian makes me look at him by putting his hand under my chin. 

He says " You might not want to but you will. Because there is so many people out there that you need to live for. "

I say "Can you drive me to a hotel? "

He says " Only if i can stay with you. "

I nod and we switch places. 

+

Kian walks up the stairs with me in his arms. He's carrying me like a baby. I pulling my suitcase behind us. He opens the door and sets me on the bed, after closing the door behind us. I takes his shirt off and climbs next to me, pulling the sheets over us.  I cuddle up to him and he wraps his arms around me. This si why i choose Kian to be my best friend out of the guys. I knew he would be there for me and everything would be okay. 

I just dont understand why someone would do this. To make me care so much about them and then completly shatter me. Completly break me. Am i not who he wants me to be? Is there something he dont like about me? Is there a problem with me? 

I say " Kian? "

He says " Yeah? "

I say " Is there a problem with me? "

I look up at him. 

He says " No. Theres a problem with Jc. "

I say " Then why did he do it? "

He says " I dont know. Kenz, i really dont. I had no idea it was going on until i read the magazine. "

I say " Oh. "

He says " But i do know that you are beautiful, and perfect in your own way, and you shouldnt let anyone stop you from being who you are. You shouldnt change for him and you most definatly shouldnt hurt yourself becasue of his stupid actions. "

I slightly smile and lay my head on his  chest. 

I say " Dont leave me alone. "

He says " I dont plan to. "

I say " I dont know how far ill be able to take this. To play along. We signed a contract with managment. To anybody else, were still dating. "

He says " Ill help you through it in everyway that i can. These contracts only last like 4 months anyways so it should be almost up. "

Memries flood through my mind. Like the extreme girlfriend tag, or the time i met his family. Or the first time i even laid eyes on him. Every single one of them hurts. 

He says " Why did you go quiet? "

I say " It hurts. "

Tears swell up in my eyes and i do everything i can to hold them back but slowly one by one they fall down my cheeks and onto Kians chest. 

He says " I know, it hurt when i lost Aandrea to. "

I say " This bad? "

He says " I dont know about that bad but it hurt. "

I say " I dont even know what im supposed to do anymore. How am i supposed to continue? Im not happy anymore. I cant go on tour and see him everyday, i cant live in my house because he lives there to, i cant do a lot of the things i love because it reminds me of him. I dont have any insperation in my video's because it all started becasue of you guys. "

Kian says " Like i said. We will get through it together. Ill help you everyway that i can. Your not going to stop doing the thing you love becasue of him. You at least owe that to yourself. "

I say " I guess we will be collabing a lot together then. "

He says " Just get some sleep. Ill be here when you wake up. Then maybe we can go to Disney world in the morning or after the meet and greet. "

I say " Thank you Kian. "

He says " Thats what im here for. "

I cuddle closer to him and close my eyes. 

I feel like its my fault. Like i wasnt doing anything to make him stay. I feel like if i would have put more effort in our relationship then this wouldnt have happened. Maybe everything is my fault. I never thought this would happen. He always seemed so happy. He never looked unhappy when he was with me. I didnt even think of him as the cheating type. Was it cheating ? I didnt really give him time to explain. Maybe something else happened. Maybe if i give him time to explain then i would know. I would know that i was right and  i knew he wouldnt do anything to hurt me. I just never thought that i could be completley shattered by one thing. All my self confsence would be gone, all my insperation would just go away like it was never there. Im in pain and i dont know how to stop it.