Our classes sat in lines, running down the sports hall. Well, they were hardly lines, more like huddles. Everyone sat in a circle with their friends, so it was more like 3 groups, separated, spread through the room. I glanced over at her. I don't know her name. She never told me, I don't think. I've seen her name on the registers though, last year when she was in my class. It's Kady, I think. Kady. She sat with her friends too, not talking. As ever. She was there, but she wasn't there. She was fading away.
I sat in that room, filled with students. Over 100 sweaty, yelling kids writhing and wriggling. The noise chipped away at my sanity. I was boiling, and every one else was in shorts and a tank, but i couldn't bring myself to yank my sweater over my head. Everything was a blur, and my head pounded on through the whistles and the chatter. I felt so ill, but I couldn't tell anyone. I carried on, as always. Push through, as my coach always said to me. I looked up, smiling at my friends.
'They don't know,' I thought.
I looked beyond them, to a figure over Ruby's shoulder. It was her. It's always her. She ran her hands through her hair, pulling it into an updo before letting it down again. I grinned. Fully grinned. April, I think her name is. I've seen it on boards around the school. She, April made me feel okay.
I could feel her looking at me, but I was scared to look back. Scared of the feelings. I played with my hair instead, hoping she'd notice me. One small interaction is all we've ever shared, and we hardly even spoke. I think about it though, all the time. It comforts me, but most of all it makes me smile. She makes me smile. I grinned just thinking of her. I heard the whistle blow though. Game time.
We were on the same team for bench ball. There must have been about 7 of us in total. My team wanted me to stand on the bench. In Alyssa's words "You're tall, and you play netball, so you can catch. I think we'd win if you go up."
It was nice, having someone think I could contribute to a win. I did hate being on the bench though, it made me feel so useless. I did it though, what else would you expect from me? I'd hate to let them down. April looked at me apologetically. She could always tell when I felt bad.
I was on Kady's team for bench ball. Everyone wanted her on the bench, she played so great there. I knew she hated it though, i've seen her play it before, with the sweetest look of disgust plastered on her face. I knew the second she was asked, she'd say yes. She hated letting people down. I looked at her, I felt awful.
"Everyone take your hoodies off please!" I heard Mr Zealocker yell, locking eyes with Kady, glaring at her.
"Can't I just keep it on, sir. I can play with it on, I do it all the time." Her eyes were filled with fear. It confused me.
"Take it off, or it's detention. Now!"
He yelled again. God I hated him.
She nodded weakly. She crossed her arms and grabbed the front of the sweater, slowly but surely pulling it over her head. The whole class had eyes on her. I watched as she stood a few meters in front of me, not taking my eyes off of her beauty. She peeled her right arm out of the sleeve and gulped. Hard. She shut her eyes tight for a moment before opening them to the light of day. She slowly peeled the other arm out. That's when I saw it. The two of us gulped in unison and her eyes stung red with tears. My guy wrenched for her. I walked up to her, grabbed her hand and hugged her tight. It felt so right, but what just happened was so, so wrong.
