Ultimate Fawlty Towers Fanfiction Collection by Shane Nielsen

Fawlty Towers Fanfiction Collection

It was a day before Halloween at Fawlty Towers, though the sign read "Doggy Jowels"

Basil was behind the desk with Sybil, dealing with the guests who were swarming in like bees. Sybil was wearing her traditional Halloween witch hat.

"I love how we were able to get things all decked out in time for the season" said Sybil, taking a puff from her cigarette after lighting it up.

"Season of insanity is more like it. Goblins, warlocks, besides David Cameron in dreadlocks, or Theresa May in a swimsuit I've seen everything I need to see" said Basil.

"It's just a holiday, Basil" replied Sybil. Basil laughed.

"A holiday, is it? Then why are we working? What happened to self-respect? And a witch hat of all things, really Sybil? I would have expected a better costume out of you, fire breathing dragon perhaps?" suggested Basil. He then muttered "Yes, the dragon from the Fall of the House of Usher would suit her well!"

"What's that, Basil?" asked Sybil.

"Nothing, dear," said Basil. He then muttered "The woman looks more peculiar, and more like she's wearing a costume when her hair is showing"

"I need to answer the telephone I do believe it's Audrey" said Sybil.

"No, you excuse me for a second, and I'll check to make sure it's your little hedge-born friend" replied Basil. He answered, slowly and reluctantly.

"Fawlty Towers? Yes, the fire breathing lizard queen is directly to the right of me" said Basil, handing the phone to Sybil.

Minutes later...

"Your husband was dressed as the Magna Carta, oh dear, that's a new one indeed" said Sybil.

"It takes all kinds I suppose," Basil muttered to himself. Sybil continued her chat with Audrey, loudly laughing, and driving Basil batty.

"Oh, I know. I know," said Sybil who was on the phone with Audrey. "Well, you can't make accommodations with someone who's been plume plucked, dear"

Basil scoffed to himself, rolling his eyes, muttering something completely indecipherable, then something to the effect of "Heaven knows, my plumes have been plucked,"

It was then that two guests showed up, a man clad in a suit of habergeon armor carrying a ball and chain, and a woman dressed as a medieval maid.

"Oh good lord, more normal guests, brilliant," Fawlty muttered to himself.

"Name's Wallace. We have reservations" said the man in a suit of armor, his ball and chain still dangling from his side. The woman began to speak to Basil, promptly.

"We just got back from an event. Wallace is such a well known performer in our clique, I mean he's really been around, so have I, we're so good at standing out we could punish ourselves for it. We both need a place to rest, so we made reservations" said Grainne.

"Did you? Is the mans first name William by any chance? Let me guess, a double. Well, I have reservations in regard to your reservations, I find your kind crass" replied Basil. The guests just looked at each other, confused and bewildered.

"What might those reservations be?" asked the woman.

"Excuse me? Well for one thing, the only abbreviation related activity acceptable around these parts is B&B, if you follow, nothing else, if you don't mind," replied Basil. The guests were now even more perplexed, but Sybil helped bring Basil to his senses.

"Basil!" yelled Sybil, invoking the wrath of God into her husband's ears.

"Yes dear? I'm just dealing with these so called 'guests' of ours, they're into all sorts of strange poppycock and I'm not really privy to it" said Basil.