I am trapped in a box. It is dark and small with confusion so real that I can touch it. In the darkness all my feelings become palpable as they wrap themselves around my body constricting my every movements. My anger a bloody red wrapping itself around my wrist and thighs. Cutting into my skin with razor sharp edges leaving bleeding cuts all over my body. My sadness gagging my mouth so i can no long speak.. Let alone breath. My Hatred tightening itself around my heart until it oozes the liquid of life out of me, taking away my hopes and dreams. I want to scream, but i can't make a sound, but the box screams for me. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Plays over and over again. The scream of an angry girl lost somewhere in the darkness. Begging for help. For repetnace and forgivness. The scream is bitter sweet and sad. This scream is all I can hear. i wnat to help this girl. But I can't. I can not help her. My emotions won't let me. They hold me as their prisoner. They kept me bound away on the floor with no freedom like a princess. But unlike those beautiful girls locked in towers.. There was no one here to save me.. And no one would be coming anytime soon. No body cared. I didn't care anymore. I tried to fight it when the feelings first came.I would yell and scream, kick and shout! But then I gave up. I surrendered to these beings. I surrendered to the hatred of black, the anger of red, and the sadness of blue. I let them hurt me. I let them rip me apart and shut me up. I let my anger leave it's scars where ever it pleased. On my stomache. on my thighs, on my wirsts. It was just so pretty to resist. The marks were comforting almost. It was like getting what I desreved. Bad people needed to be punished and everytime the anger would cut into my skin I felt like I was being cleansed. I was getting what was long over due. I let my hatred choke my heart, until it died. Leaving me a hollow shell. I didn't want to care anymore. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. And the emptiness that hatred kept giving me made me feel safe. Like alll the things taht were happening to me were far away.Almost like I was a stand by. Watching someone else go through this. I want to be someone else. I want to be someone else.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am not trapped in a box. I am trapped in my mind, a place that doesn't make sense. A place with darkness screams and confusion. A place of exile where in my skin I feel like I don't belong. No where i safe. In my mind or out. I hate it all. I hate it all. I hate me. I hate you. I hate this planet. I hate this world. I want it to end. I want to die. I want to go to sleep. My sadness keeps me silent though. I do not ask for help. I just sit there in the guidance counsleor office when she calls me down and when she asks "Are you okay?"
I will lie. Look her dead in the eye and say "I am Fine.Can I leave now?"
