Nameless

Chapter 1: Who Am I?

She laughed and I faked a smile. We were sitting with our circle of friends, and as usual Anika was the centre of attention. There were 12 of us at the mall that day, best friends, or so we were termed. Each had their own defining quality; one word which could capture most of their essence. I pondered over this as the conversation drifted to physics, my least favorite subject. I wondered what people would use to summarize me... Independent? Moody? Book-worm? None of those words defined me, summarized me. I let the topic leave my mind. I'd pondered over that one too many time. Sanchita's laugh brought me back to our conversation. "And then the carrot turns out to be blue....!" Anika concluded, followed by a chorus of laughter. I joined in, having no clue whatsoever what blue carrots had to do with physics, nor how the conversation ended up there. I prided myself on my acting skills, obviously no one noticed my fake laugh.

I looked around at the crowded mall. People-watching was one of my favorite pass-times. I assure you its not as creepy as it sounds. I sighed and played with my napkin, pulling at the edges and crumpling it up. Suddenly my phone beeped and I checked to see who had messaged. "From Manan" it read. I swallowed hard. I opened the message and read through it thrice before replying and sliding my phone into my pocket.

Again, I got to thinking. I watched as Anika cracked a lame joke, and as everyone joined in laughing with her. I watched her perfect smile, complemented with her thick, shiny, dark brown hair. She was beautiful. She was not model-skinny, but she sure as hell wasn't fat. She was tall and had a dainty nose. Her chocolate brown eyes were accentuated with her high cheek bones and her full lips. Damn. I was so jealous. Me? I was a fat-nosed, thin-haired, large-paunched, shortie who sat in the shadow of Anika; I was "Anika's friend".

I let my train of thought wander off, far away from our small table in the crowded food court of the mall. I started wishing wistfully to be what I was not. Another beep, again a message from Manan. "Call me asap" it read. "Uhh... I'll be back in a bit. Don't ditch." I said to nobody in particular as I left the table looking for someplace quiet enough for me to hear him. It is no easy task in a mall, mind you. "Hey! That was fast, I thought you were with your friends...?" My voice got stuck in my throat, at the sound of his. "Uhh.... They didn't mind..." I managed to say. "Alright..." He started. "Brace your self." Immediately my mind came up with the worst possible situations; he was dying, he was moving, something happened to his dog, something happened to my dog, something happened at school, something to do with my sister, something to do with my parents, something to- "Poets are playing live this Wednesday at Hard Rock Cafe!" I sucked in a breath. There are only three things i like hearing more than the deep rumble that was Manan's voice, and one of them was Marko's. Marko, the lead singer of Poets Of The Fall, my all-time favorite band, had the most beautiful voice ever. It was as smooth as silk, as sweet as honey and as deep as the sea. No way this was true. People like that never come to India....! "Are you messing with me?" I asked cautiously, being the pessimist I was. "No jokes, bro!" He said, and I let my hopes fly sky-high, dragging me up with them. I started planning in my head. Me and him. Together. In a crowded room, listening to the most amazing music ever. I sighed, content. "How much are the tickets? And how will we get in? We're not above 18....!" I asked frantically. "Chill out. Deep breaths. Breathe." Came his reply. I was sure he was mocking me. Then it hit me. "I can't make it. We have a test the next day." And just like that, I was dropped from my cloud 9. "Awww! Come on! One measly chemistry test, dude!" He tried to convince me. It's so hard to say no to him. "Uhh.. I'll check and see bro. But I highly doubt it. Who all are going?" I replied careful not to commit because my father would never let me go. "Athul, Karan, Michael, and I. As of now." I heaved a massive mental sigh as I processed this. Not only would I not get to be alone with Manan, but also only boys were going. Come rain or sunshine my dad would not even hear of this. "I'll check..." I muttered into the phone. "I'll message you later? I need to get back, otherwise they'll ditch me and I won't be able to go home....!" I continued, once I realized I couldn't see our table from where I was standing. "Right. Toodle-do then!" Came his reply, followed by an annoying beeping sound signifying the end of our conversation. He always had such peculiar ways.

The rest of the afternoon past in a haze, I was drowning in my misery over almost making it to the concert. I made up scenarios where i'd sneak out of the house, where i'd lie and say I was going to Anika's house, where id stand up to my dad and demand that he let me go, but every time I would pick it apart by examining every little detail. As we were heading to the ground floor of the mall, I sighed, quited audibly apparently, as Simran said, "Tired already? Its only the escalator. And we're going down." at which, ofcourse, everybody dissolved into fits of laughter. I plastered a grin that showed my teeth on my face, and made sure my eyes were crinkled on the sides- my happy face. Nobody realised. I questioned my place in this world. I questioned my purpose. I questioned why I was. I questioned my point of existance. Who was i? Really, who was I?

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Authors note:

Okay, so it's small. It's not very interesting, I know. It's just the beginning... A glimpse into Ayrah's character, a small episode of her life.

Please leave comments, and any suggestions would be appreciated. :)