Nameless

Chapter 5: Sticks & Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Are Far More Hurtful

With this new found self confidence I walked into school with my head held high. I smiled at everybody, and was generally nice, happy and peppy. And.... Nobody noticed. I didn't feel any different. I realized the new found confidence was a thin sheet of glass, the kind that breaks the moment a tiny pebble hits it. My pebble was Anika. She walked into the class room, and I swear it was sooo filmy. Her hair was blowing in the wind(where did it come from?!) and her face glowing. Her perfect body was shown off by the school's uniform. She could pull even that off! Unbelievable! I looked down at my own uniform. Well, hell. I was effectively a blue blob. With that initial confidence shattered, I shrunk into my seat and rested my head on my desk.  

Why do I care so much how I look? I asked myself. Looks aren't everything, and don't you make fun of those who act as though they are? I questioned. Therefore, Aren't you a hypocrite by thinking these thoughts? I thought. No! I don't give much thought to my looks, but i cared about how fat i was for two reasons; it was unhealthy; i was.....insecure. i sighed loudly as i came to terms with the fact. My mind continued to bombard itself with questions and answer them all through english. Then at break Sahil turned to me. "I need to ask you something, Ayrah." He said. "Sure, what's up?" I asked. "It's about Anika...." He said, looking at his hands, blushing slightly. "Oh... What about her?" I replied, my mood worsening, if possible. "I really like her, but I don't know what to do....!" he confessed, finally, after three years. "Well, she is with Karan..." I started. She already had one guy. Must she get all of them?! I thought furiously. "And she really loves him, Sahil." I said, but on seeing his dejected face, I sighed and put my hand on his. "Sahil. You are an amazing guy, okay? You're funny, smart, nice, and you don't look too bad..." He punched my arm lightly at the last comment, a smile back on his face, and we started laughing. "Any girl would be lucky to go out with you, okay? And I honestly don't think you and Anika make a good pair... Just my opinion" I told him, looking right into his light brown eyes. "Hmmm.... So you're saying get over her?" I looked at him. He looked alright, as if was only asking me this as conformation. "No, I'm saying get over her ALREADY!" I said, slapping the side of his head. He fake cried and then we dissolved into fits of laughter. Sahil, my best friend, I thought, wondering what we would do without each other. 

The school day was torturous. Our finals were just around the corner, and stress was eating at everybody. No more jokes and pranks during break, everybody had their heads buried in their books. All the teachers were pressuring us. All our parents were pressuring us. I couldn't take it. So much frustration, and it was eating at me. The damn system, I though angrily. Who are they to put so much on our small shoulders? The idea that if one failed these exams one would have to spend another year in school, redoing the studies of the last year, and that most colleges would not take a tenth standard failure, put so much stress that one couldn't even focus properly. This was eating at me and I was beginning to freak out completely.  

Finally, the last bell rang and we walked out of class to the buses. I packed my books and ran, I wanted the window. Once out of the smooth cemented floors of the hallway, I crunched through the gravel. Suddenly I tripped, my bag flying, arms failing. I fell onto the hard, poky ground, face first. I felt something sticky and hot running down my face. I sat up and wiped it with my left hand.  

Before I saw what it was, it thought, it would be so filmy if i was bleeding. And then Manan came to my rescue! I sighed mentally, and then looked.  

And yeah, it was blood. Bright red, glistening strangely against my dark skin. A shooting pain from my right knee made me look at it to find a deep gash. That'll leave a mark, I thought. I sat for a bit, kind of hoping that Manan would indeed come, but no. Only a couple of junior students strolled by, laughing when they saw me. I grumbled and got up, dusting my bum and collecting my books. I dumped my bag, through the window of the bus, and stormed off to the nurse's office.