The Young

Chapter Three

I was to leave in the morning. Going off to seal my own fate of death. This would be the last night in my own bed, the last night I would be able to see my mother, my little sister. My sister, she was only ten. Ten years and you have to experience so much. Father. Dead. Ajax. Dead. Smith. Dead. I do not want to be another mark on that list, the list that has so much more than death. That list that goes on forever in friends, family, the life that she did not get to experience the life that she deserved but was ripped away as though she did not deserve it.
My dreams consist of many things. People that were already dead. People that should be dead, and people that I would do everything in my power to save them but will end up dead.  They were all chasing after me screaming that all these deaths were my fault, that I had caused the death of so many people. They just kept screaming, their screams pierced my ears reminding me of my thoughts so often that I should be dead too. I mean the only point of this life is to try and live a little longer, but in the end, we all know where we're going. Soon we'll just be another person, among the dead.
I woke to soft fingers holding my head, my dark hair flowing in my mother's hand as she brushed through it. Her hands were gnarled from the many varied jobs she had to take in order for us to eat. Yet they still seemed soft, and comforting as I thought about how much she had loved us all in I shut my eyes quickly in order for the moment to last longer. "Peter?" My eyes widen looking into her own. Her eyes ice blue, with dark bags under them, tears leaking out causing her eyes to be puffy and red too. "Oh I'm sorry to wake you, I just did not want to have to wake up, and you would not be there." I knew why she was there, she did not have to explain. My brothers and father had both been the same, leaving early in the morning so no one got a goodbye so that they would not have to see the tears of loved ones. We men of the Thomas family were all the same. I would have left too if not for mother waking me up.
"Shh, Shh. No, don't cry, it's okay. I would have never left you." I try soothing my mother, as her tears flow onto my shoulder. I was never good at this. People crying. I would have just stayed away or hoped someone else would help the poor person, yet this was my mother, and I could not just sit and watch her suffer. "Mom?" I took her head in my hands, wiping the tears with my thumb. "Mom, you know I have to go," The sentence alone brought a whole new wave of tears pouring out, "And I might not make it," More useless words strung together to break my mother's heart. By now her fists clung to my shirt her head buried in my neck, "But you have to be strong, please mom, be strong for Emma... For me?" I sighed brushing her tangled hair with my fingers. "I won't be here to help around the house anymore, so ask Emma if you need anymore help, I'm sure she will be willing to do it. I need you to go to my jobs and tell the bosses that I won't be able to work anymore." I had to work many jobs in order for our family to eat, to pay rent, and many other life essentials that only an adult should have to worry about yet is one of the numerous things thrust upon kids. "Mom, and there is one more thing I need you to do for me." I paused waiting for a response, only to get a quick jerk of the head to continue. "I want you to run."
She looks up frantically, "Peter, I know what I said earlier but we can't just-"
I cut her off quickly explaining myself, "Mom this will continue, soon it will be Emma too, and then you since you won't have anyone else to take care of. Mom... I can't lose you too" My voice cracking at the end, coming with tears to match the ones streaking my mother's face.
"Oh, Peter!" She flung her arms around me again, whispering over and over again just under her breath that I couldn't comprehend what she was saying.
"Mom you have to promise me!" The voice coming out of my mouth was unexpected, thinking there would be a pain-stricken, crackly voice from crying, instead came a loud commanding voice that I had only heard from my father once when I was very young.
"I promise."
"Promise what?" A small sweet voice came from the doorway of my room, just showing the silhouette of a small figure.
"Oh, honey! It was only nothing, your brother and I were just talking. How about you go back to bed while your brother gets ready." Mom quickly wiped her tears showing a false smile that looked real enough that I wondered how many times did she use it on me when my brothers and father had left. Did they make her promise too? Or was the crying from knowing they had left without a goodbye?
"But mom, I wanted to say bye too!"  Emma's small face turned to me, her light blond pigtails bounced with the quick movement. "I came to give you something too!"
She handed me a small bear. It was hers from when she was a baby, my parents gave each of us one, mine was a monkey, long lost. The bear had seen better days, it had many rips that had been hastily sown, it was missing its left ear since we did not have the money to buy extra material. The bear was also small, I was able to hold it in my hand and cover up most of it. Yet Emma loved it, when she was a baby and mom and dad first gave it to her bright blue eyes light up, that was one of the last happy days.
"Emma, why are you giving this to me?" My voice sounded strained from all the crying and having just woken up.
Her mouth turns into a frown as if I should know the reason why she would give me such an important thing in her life. "You were always there for me when I was younger, and when you were morning over dad and couldn't take care of me Blue helped me. So maybe when I'm not there for you, Blue can be."
I could feel a tear slowly sliding down my face. This was the closest thing to a gift I've had in a long time (since we haven't been able to afford anything for birthdays and such). Every so often I would try and scrape some extra money together from time to time, just to give something special to mother or Emma. I had always thought I did not need a gift, I don't really need it, besides what's better than food on the table to that your family does not starve, but maybe I was wrong.
"And maybe if I give this to you, you will remember me when you're gone." 
"Oh no Emma, how could you ever think that I could possibly forget you. You are the sweetest-" Slowly I got up from the bed, sliding towards her and lifting her small body into my arms. "The kindest, best sister I could ever ask for."
"Yeah, yeah I know." She flashes a lopsided grin tossing her hair. Suddenly her face grows more serious and adds. "I'm just going to miss you... Just keep the bear okay... So that you will always know I'm with you."
¨I-¨ My voice cut off my a ring from my alarm clock, the sound making us all stand still knowing that this meant I had to go, no more goodbyes. Turning to face towards mother while setting Emma on the ground I said my last words to my mom. ¨I love you.¨ Her body slowly sank to the ground as Emma running over to comfort her. I left the room grabbing my pile of clothes that I had packed last night and left the sound of sobs behind me.
      I grabbed my bag that was laying on the kitchen counter. Throwing it onto my back and left.
*****
The streets were oddly dark, the silence hung as if everything was holding its breath. Nothing moved but me. My footsteps begin to fall into step each of my breaths. I begin to remember a line from one of the old poetry books I had once read, "Silence is golden." Yet the sound I was hearing now was anything but.
The walk ended to fast. Soon the building came up and it stuck out like a sore thumb, everything else was dark and eerie. Yet this place the irony was so blunt. It was all white, pure, as though everything about it was good. Although hundreds of boys like me had walked up these steps, just to be told what they dreaded. They were fit for the army. Then those white wall would soon turn to training grounds, they would learn to kill. Then a battlefield.