Dear Friend

Entry one 1-6-22

January 6th, 2022

Dear diary,
... Ew fuck no. I need to call you something else.
Dear.... Dear Friend. Yeah that sounds nice.
Dear Friend,
I honestly dont know what the fuck is going on with me. When Octavia died i was sad crying all the time for a whole year. This is year 2 i dont feel anything anymore. I know that sound cliché and pick meish thats not a word but whatever.
You know what i mean. Like happy things dont make me happy. I dont cry myself to sleep anymore which i guess is good but its only because i dont care anymore.
Oh and btw Octavia was my little sister. She was 3 months old. I was in Idaho where i live now at the time visiting some friends. We lived in California, Sacramento area. I should not be telling you where i lived but whatever its fine.
That year i spent my brithday with the people i was staying ats. They are the Goodrich's. Tyler my gay best friend, Tanya my non bio aunt, and jessie the realist. Ive known them sense i was 7 we met through a lot of complicated family.
It was the best birthday of my life. I got to go to a waterpark my favorite place (besides the creeps). And then i got $300 fucking dollars in gift cards. The best part was i was 8 hours from my parents and siblings.
I now have one brother 10 and one sister 6. Im the oldest. Its bloody tuff work if i do say so myself.
My aunt died in i think September of last year idk it could have been October. Everything is a blur.
Ever sense we moved to idaho its been hard. Ive been here a year and i still havent made one friend. My dad is constantly bugging me about making some friends. Its just hard for me. I dont like talking to people. My words mix, my voice goes cloged, and i fucking stutter its not the "cute" y/n stutter like "c-chad its not you" fuck me if i read one more wattpad story like that ill pitch myself off the astromy tower. Sorry i had too im a hogwarts hoe. Hence my user name. It looks like hogwart shoe which wasnt on purpose but i find it funny. Anyway off topic but when i do fucking stutter its so embarrassing. So i just dont talk.
Oh and my friends in California Savannah and Gabby ive known sav for 6 years now and gabby only 2 but we wher hella close. Gabby cut me off once i move its cool mybe long distance isnt for her.  So ive recently found out that ive been a cock blocker for that past year cause the second i leave they are all gettin dick. Idc im Bi with a preference of girls. Im not sad im not getting any action i just feel embarrassed. I was always seen as the little sister of the group. Anyoing but i love them. I mean they wernt the most supportive when my sister died. But i dont blame them its not their problem. Besides i was high the whole year. Yeah it was nice.
Fuck me im really close to the Goodrich's. Like i lived with them for 4 months cause my parents where drugged out. Whatever in the end of November i lost ALL of their trust
Tyler and I were left home alone and they dont care if we have like small galsses of alcohol cause i mean we're tennagers its bound to happen. But they left us home alone and i got shitfaced.
it was bad i was all crying and stupid stuff. I feel so bad like omg. I havent been back in 2 months.
Next thing to vent on is the book im writing. Its a fanfic and ive only wrote one part its killing me. I already have such bad writers block. I hate myself. Bahahahha not me feeling bad for myself when i have a roof over my head. My saing is "when life feels bad just remember its always going to get worse." Thats how life seems to be treating me lately.
Imma go straight for it and tell you that when i lived in California my parents where big time weed growers my whole life. Sounds nice now but i mean it realy fuck with my mentality. I could never have friends over, i had to be careful about everything i said and i couldnt smoke it i mean wtf. My friends ended up finding out abt it. I went to school smelling like weed one day I WAS IN THE 6TH GRADE. It was bad.

Its currently 11 am and i havent got out of bed i mean i did once to get water but thats been it. Its winter break so my parents dont care as long as im not whining, making a mess, and am doing my chores. My brother and sister wake me up everyday screaming at eacother bloody murder. Its terrible.
My dead grandmas old dickhead of a boyfriend died. So thats good news. I never liked him.
Ok your turn to vent. You can comment on this and let it all out. If you end up making a dear friend too pls tag me so i can read it.
Anyways stay slutty my loves. <3