Lost and Found

Savagery

 After the conversation at the rocks Jasper wasn't so stand offish. Sometimes he would sit and watch, sometimes he would make conversation, but he didn't hide in the trees anymore. In some ways I was glad that Jasper was starting to come out of his shell after the picture that Peter had painted for me of the dark place that Jasper had been in before his and Charlotte's escape, in others I was agitated. While he was no longer trapped in his own mind, he was starting to ask questions like Peter and Charlotte. Questions I didn't want to deal with. Peter, Charlotte and Jasper despite the savagery they claimed to have lived in, still clung to their human traits. Like the desire to connect to others on a deeper level then what was offered in passing.

They wanted friendship and though they didn't speak so plainly, they wanted family. Despite their desires and their attempts to bring us closer, I wasn't completely comfortable with our ongoing companionship. Charlotte seemed to look to me like a mother or an older sister, something I didn't want and definitely couldn't provide. She wanted comfort and advice, things I couldn't give whether the situation be vampire or human given my experiences or lack thereof in either case. Peter wanted a leader, someone to show him the way, someone to look to when he didn't know what to do, another thing I couldn't do, his alternative was Jasper who was as much a stranger to the life of freedom as he was. The only thing I had accomplished during my life had been hiding and even that had been shattered when Peter and Charlotte came crashing into my life. There was nothing I could provide them other than my patience with their company.

As for Jasper I wasn't sure what he wanted from me quite yet. He didn't need a mother and he wasn't looking for someone to lead him. I could see Jasper's mind was always calculating, his eyes always observing and probably taking in things that I wouldn't even understand. Even when he spoke, every word was thought out and spoke with intent, a serious expression never leaving his face. I'd never liked puzzles and this was no exception.

I seemed to be spending more time than usual at the rock face, using my own human distraction to distance myself from the younger trio. I seemed to be caught in a near constant struggle between being content and aggravated. Contented with the better understanding I had of vampire behavior and of what exactly I was, but aggravated at the price this knowledge was costing me. The rock face seemed to be the only way I could get the relief from the aggravation since Peter and Charlotte tended to leave me be when I was here. Every now and again they would seek me out here but it usually was when they had something specific they wanted to discuss with me and not to make meaningless conversation.

I sighed when I felt Jasper's presence behind me. I silently hoped that today would be one of his quiet days. I was intent on recreating the little waterfall that had once been apart of the small stream that ran nearby. I tensely waited as I studiously ignored Jasper, refusing to invite the conversation while aware that his gift clued him in to my knowledge of his presence. His gift was another thing that I silently cursed. It gave him insight into me that Peter and Charlotte lacked, allowing him knowledge of me that I had always been able to hide before.

As he sat silently for a time without a notable sign of wanting to speak I began to relax, content to continue painting while he watched since he seemed just as content in the moment. But I was wrong, he had been using his gift to assess me, aware that I was not likely to receive him well when I was tensed and preparing myself for whatever he wanted to discuss. He had simply been waiting for me to relax before speaking and shattering the illusion of control I thought I had on my emotions.

"I haven't seen that waterfall around here, is it something you saw when you were human?" He inquired softly. I ground my teeth and felt the spike in aggravation that I had been trying to avoid.

"It no longer exists." I said shortly without sparing him a glance, the tension that had left my body with continued silence returning full force as I refused to turn and face him. He remained quiet for a while longer before speaking again.