Truth or Dare | Cube SMP a.u // discontinued

chapter 18; emotionless

Raven's POV

Finally, a boring day has turned into something interesting. A glimpse is all it took to see the unexplainable fear in Jordan's eyes that seemed to have erased that cheeky grin of his I always hated. The boy's grim features were everything but harmless, I have to admit. He didn't seem as intimidating as Jordan might have seen him, but the look in his eyes was inevitable. Hatred, if not something stronger than it, I'd say. It was more than clear that those two have a fiery past, if not something more and worse.

After a couple of seconds, my subconscious reminds me to stop staring at them.

My gaze travels to where Bee was sitting, in her usual place at the front. Though we were mostly together, I never really felt the connection. Surely, we are friends, but I never saw her as anything more than a girl I hang out in school with. Attaching myself to people was never easy, so I just didn't do it. After so much disappointment in my existence, you lose that need of being around people, completely shut yourself out from the outside world. They are bound to leave anyways, they always do. So why let yourself get hurt when you can prevent those things from ever happening. Shutting your heart out is the.

Even the people I trusted the most have left, my mother has. She was the backbone in my life, but I never realized it. At some moments, I would. She'd make me think differently. Not like I usually do. She'd make me see the good in people, light up the darkness of the world we lived in. Everyone has it in themselves. Some people just decide not to show it, we're all humans after all. Despite all those hours of arguing, the few moments we shared would finally bring peace in my heart. It would just settle my heart down, as I liked to call it. A huge weight would be lifted from my shoulders, I would feel. . .good. She'd always tell me that the line in between life and death was unbelievably short; one moment you're here, the second -you aren't. Her wise words would always stick in my head, but I'd never show it. Even as a small kid that knew absolutely nothing about the cruel world she was put in, I never wanted to show any affection for anyone. Every time I remember all those hugs I denied giving my mom, my heart aches. It's bigger than any other emotional pain I'd felt. The smile on her face would vanish the same moment, a small trembling sigh would escape her lips. I felt like she was slowly giving up on me.

I sometimes thought that I didn't even try to change. But I did, I knew I did. It was anything but easy. Whenever I would feel myself changing, it was just like my body didn't want to do it. I'd return back to the old me. Maybe my impulsive attitude was speaking for myself. It felt good to be happy, but I hated pretending. What can I say? You can't escape old habits unless you try your best. One half of me never even tried, that's why I'm like this. Do I regret it? I don't know. I never know anything...that's what's slowly killing me inside.

A stern voice suddenly brings me back to reality. "Miss Poulter, do you mind answering my question?"

A puzzled expression forms on my face, as I stutter to give a proper answer. "I -uh...didn't listen." Truthfully, I didn't even bother to be polite, showing this woman I simply can't give two fucks about her lesson was something I didn't want to hide.

The annoyance in my history teacher's eyes was everything but hidden. "I'm sorry to inform you, but I'll have to have a talk with your parents, hopefully that'll bring you back to reality."

As she walks away, all the previous feelings about this teacher had faded away, only to be replaced by high dislike. Sometimes I feel like all the teachers hate me. Mr. Brown definitely doesn't hide his strong dislike towards me, even the English teacher gives me those glares sometimes. Their problem -though, not mine. Do I care about my grades? Well, somewhat.

"She's a bitch, isn't she?" A somewhat hoarse voice catches my attention, so I turn around in my seat to be faced by a pair of mysterious brown eyes.