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I woke up seeing everybody [ my mom , dad , lil brother , Nae , Asia , Osama and the rest of them
"You okay baby? " my mama said coming over to me looking nervous.
"Yea im coo "I said knowing I wasn't I really wanted to cry but I couldn't let they see me like that
"Ima go get your nurse so we can go" my mom said as I just sat there staring at nothing in particular
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When I got home I wanted to cry but I didn't cause I'm better than this I don't wanna got back to the old me I swear. A few tears left my eyes and I wiped them quickly as somebody opened my door while I was laying down.
" get out dude I wanna be left alone rn " I said putting my cover over my head now wanting to full blown cry .
"Brii'anna I'm sorry" he said and I felt my bed go down meaning he sat on it.
"save your sorry for the next girl I don't need it" I said
" look brii'anna I don't wanna hurt you ian mean to push you away and distance myself it wasn't you"he said
" then don't ion even know why you led me on I hate niggas I swear I do " I said now crying thinking about how I always let people mainly niggas fuck me over and me being who i am I let them do it over and over again I don't even know what I'm doing with myself anymore.
" I just Ian know how to deal wit my feelings I'm sorry again brii " he said walking out I just got up and went in my bathroom locked the door and got in the shower crying while I played music
••
If there's one thing that I learned While in those county lines Is that everything takes time You have gotta lose your pride You have gotta lose your mind Just to find your peace of mind You have got to trust the signs Everything will turn out fine So, why aren't you smiling? Why aren't you smiling? Life can get wild when You're caught in the whirlwind Lost in Y'all got the world when You're chasing the win You gotta understand
••
I got out the show putting a hoodie and basketball sweats i threw my hair in a messy bun leaving my phone and purse
I had three blunts and sunglasses getting my car keys getting ready to go but I forgot Dior had my gun.
"Dior where my gun" I said asking her while everybody was in the living room .
"It's in my purse over there on the kitchen counter"she said as I started to go get it so I can leave
"What you need it for" my dad asked me since when do he ask me shit like that.
" staying safe " she said giving him a reassuring smile but she started feeling her eyes burn making her rush out the door. Going to her car letting it all out. She turned her car on pulling out a blunt lighting it out before turning on music .
••
Pretty hurts (Pretty hurts) We shine the light on whatever's worst You're tryna fix something But you can't fix what you can't see (Pretty hurts) It's the soul that needs a surgery When you're alone all by yourself When you're lying in your bed Reflection stares right into you Are you happy with yourself? Stripped away the masquerade The illusion has been shed Are you happy with yourself? Are you happy with yourself?
••
Thinking about her whole life made her want to stop it seemed like every happiness she ever had got token from her. She had so much going through her head she was screaming for help in the inside she didn't know how to coupe with it.
She started having a panic attack in her car she and she just had to deal with it like she did with everything else. She had to go back up stairs to her apartment because she already had everybody looking at her suspicious.
When she walked off the elevator she seen kasen again...
"Brii dude" he said
"What What What" she said yelling at her with tears running down her face at this point she was angry
" I'm sorry brii'anna " he said
" no , no kasen you not sorry because if you was sorry you wouldn't never fucking did the shit with my best-friend at that then not only did you do that you took personal shot in threw it in my face more than once on several occasions fuck you dude you wanted to see me hurt for whatever reason look at me right now you got it " she said yelling
" it not my fault you fucked up I don't give a fuck I tried to say sorry don't blame yo shit on me " he said yelling back getting close to her
"You know what you right but you wanna know what you did do fuck me over every chance you get every fucking time you knew you was breaking me and what you do kick me while I was down . Bye see around leave me alone you made you self clear "
She walked off wiping her tears approaching her apartment. She walked in going straight to her room with everybody looking at her she locked her room door and went to take her anti-depression thinking she would never need to after that she went to self not wanting to wake up . 💔
