Innocent (Niall Horan)

Pistanthrophobia

Pistanthrophobia: The Fear Of Trusting Someone.

It had been two and a half weeks since I was discharged from hospital and found the scruffy handwritten note from Niall. If i'm honest I'm still shocked . Its strange ,I don't know why I haven't texted him .I guess Im just scared .Scared of his opinion .Scared that I might grow to trust him . That would be tragic. Trust and I don't agree with each other . For me , it always end in betrayal and I don't think I strong enough for a re-run of the first time.

~~FLASHBACK~~

Me and my best friend Sophie were sitting on my bed back at the orphanage . On the floor was three of Sophie's other friends . I wasn't really friends with them , but Sophie invited them to our 'sleep over' anyway . She said it would be fun . I was ten . Sophie was eleven . The twins , Miela and Abra were both ten and Jenna , who was the oldest , twelve..

"So them I said , I'll be the seeker . You kids go hide and i'll count . 1..2..3.." Jenna continued. Jenna was tall . She had dark brown eyes to match her dark brown hair , which was cut short .She was a story teller and she liked to play games with people . Mind tricks if you like . Nearly all of her 'games' were dramatic ,planed to perfection and pure evil . Once she went into one of the younger kids bedroom with a bucket of fake blood and smeared it up the walls and the floor . Jenna hid in the wardrobe with a white doctors coat on and a doctors mask . As the little girl came into the room and sore the bloody room , Jenna ran to the door , closed it and shut off the lights . The little girl fell to the floor screaming while Jenna whispered murderous things . Then when Jenna heard voices come from the hallway , she climbed out the window and hid .

That's what she told us.

Then again , she is a story teller .

"I grabbed that clown mask I showed you earlier , and went to the power box for the lights and switched them off . The children screamed as I lit the torch to make the mask visible to them . One of them wet themselves . It was hilarious , but them Mrs .Nohland came back and ill leave then rest for your imagination .So that's the story of when I got kicked out of my last foster home " she finished .

By the time she had finished , Abra was up and standing by my dresser with my diary in her hands , flicking through the pages with her phone in her hand ,laughing .

"HEY , what the hell are you doing?!" I spoke angrily.

"Chill out . I was just looking " she spoke back with the same amount of attitude .

"Well , just don't okay? That's private"i snatched the diary out of her hand and through it into a draw.

My diary was full of dark secrets . From my past ,and also thing I wished for in the future . Things about my parents . Things about me .

"don't worry , you can trust me , i'll keep your dirty secrets "

A bit of friendly advice , the chances of that person actually keeping your secrets it slim . DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP . Be prepared ...i wasn't..

Remember when I said she had her phone in her hand ? Yeah well , it turned out that she took photos of almost every page in my diary . They ended up all over the walls in the hallways . Up on the billboards at the entrance . Pined on my door . Everywhere .

I felt naked , metaphorically. Completely exposed . Like the mile high walls I had put up had been obliterated , and every single last one of the 1000 armed guard that surrounding my head and my heart had betrayed me and started a war against me . Ripping me apart slowly , causing a new type of pain. An excruciating , unbearable pain that couldn't be stopped by painkillers . It was a constant reminder of the pages of my diary and my life that I tried to hide and keep secret but failed to .

I closed myself up and shut myself down.

~~FLASHBACK ENDS~~

A slow shiver ran down my spine after breaking free from the flashback .

It was 7pm and I had just finished doing my jobs . I say down exhausted on the freshly laid hay on the stable floor . I lent over and reached into my bag which was in the corner, pulling out my diary and my phone. With out giving myself time to think myself out of it , I tapped Nialls number into my phone and started to construct a text.

TO NIALL: Hi , its Ella from the meet and greet . You wrote your number in my sketch book . Sorry I took so long to text or call you . I've been super busy lately and work has been stressful.

19:04pm

I immediately pressed sent . I then locked my phone and gently through it into the hay . Which , in all honestly I didn't think through because after 10 minutes , my phone started to beep and I didn't know where it was buried .

After about another 10 minutes , I found it right next to where I originally sitting. I swiftly unlocked my phone and opened up my text messages , to see a reply from Niall .

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

FROM NIALL: Hey Ella , nice to finally hear from you . Its been 3 weeks nearly , don't you get a day off or something ?

19:26pm

TO NIALL: I guess I do . I get the 2nd and the 22nd off each month but that's it.

19:30pm

FROM NIALL: Only two days? That sucks . But anyway how are you ? How's , is it Daisy.. Darcy? Your sister how is she ?

19:32pm

TO NIALL: I'm fine . She great , she always is . How are you?

19:40pm

FROM NIALL : Whats her deal? Shes a bit of a bitch. I'm good

19:43pm

TO NIALL : Me

19:45pm

FROM NIALL : Her problem is you? What why?

' 19:49pm

TO NIALL : Sorry ive got to go . Its almost 8 and ive got to cook dinner yet . bye

19:52pm

FROM NIALL: Fine okay . talk to you soon Byee

19:56pm

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I felt bad for lying to him about having to make dinner , but as soon as I sent the message "me" i instantly regretted it . I tried to get it to not send by putting my phone on airplane mode but it had already send . I didn't want to have to explain everything , because not only will it take forever , but it with be painful . I want the memories i have suppressed
to stay suppressed and I cant risk something jogging them

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