Unwanted and Forgotten

Prologue

"You know, I never thought I would end up like this. I never thought it would get this far. It started off small. Innocent. But I guess something like that can never really, truly be small or innocent.

Hi, I'm Johna Wells and I have been self-mutilating since I was fourteen. It started off as an escape. Just a way to get away. But then I became addicted. I needed to feel the blood rush through my veins. The slight pain of the blade pressed into my skin. The rush of secrecy. I guess in short all I wanted was to feel... something. If I knew I would be here, maybe I never would have started.

I tried getting help. Over and over again. And I guess part of me thought if my mother found out about my cutting she would send me away. Get me help. But part of me knew that it would only change her perception of my strength. She always saw me as her second chance to do things right. If I made something of myself maybe her mistakes wouldn't matter. I know that. But it hurts to just be a fixer upper for your parent. I always wanted to feel wanted but now all I feel is embarrassment. I can't believe I thought she would love me if she knew I needed to be loved. Instead I got passed back and fourth. Parent to parent. Relative to relative. And now I am completely out of the family. I am someone else's problem now."