Baby Steps

Chapter One

\\Kate's Pov//

I pace back forth and look around my apartment nervously. Where is she? She should have been here twenty minutes ago! Shit! I can't be freaking pregnant!
I- oh my god how would I even tell the dad? I hear a knock on the door and quickly run up to it. "You have it?" I ask and Gigi nods.
"Kate... not that it's my business but who exactly is the father?"
"I don't wanna say unless I'm actually pregnant"
"Okay understandable. Do you want me to stay?"
"I uh... I don't know I feel like I'm gonna throw up."
"Okay well please don't do that," Gigi says rubbing her hand up and down my back.
"What am I gonna do if I am pregnant? How do you tell someone you're pregnant? And-and more importantly how do you raise a child?"
"I mean there are other options Kate.." Gigi points out and I sigh.
"I just, oh my god I can barely breathe."
"Swear to god if you hyperventilate I will freak out," Gigi says handing me the plastic bag. "Okay you need to go pee on this so that way we know."
"I'm scared.."
"It's all gonna be okay one way or another," she says and I take a deep breath.
"I hope you're right," I say and she smiles.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gigi sits on the couch and I pace back and forth. "Oh my god could you chill out? You're honestly stressing me out," she says and I sigh.
"I'm stressed and it's helping okay!" I yell and she rolls her eyes. The timer finally goes off and we look over at the kitchen counter. Gigi walks over to me and grabs my hand. She gives it a reassuring squeeze and I use my free hand to pick up the test. My eyes widen and my mouth falls open when I see the tiny blue plus sign.
"Oh my god... I-I'm pregnant"
"Uh wow."
"I'm pregnant? I-"
"Well this could be wrong ya know they aren't always accurate maybe you should just go get a professional test done."
"And then what?" I ask and Gigi sighs.
"I don't know, please don't take this the wrong way but I was kinda hoping you weren't pregnant."
"Yeah you weren't the only one," I whisper staring at the test in my hands. I'm partly in disbelief. "I uh I need to get a second test," I say and Gigi nods. She pulls out her phone and begins dialing. "I can't breathe."
"Hey don't freak out on me yet we don't even know for sure," she says and I shake my head. "Yes I need to schedule an appointment for Kate Goldman. Yes ma'am. Yes. Yes two thirty is perfect," She says and I try to steady my breathing. "Kate I need you to calm the hell down!"
"I can't be pregnant! I don't know how to raise a child! And oh my god if I am he would hate me!"
"The father?
"Oh my god obviously!"
"Who is the father?"
"It's just if I am pregnant he deserves to know and then I'll tell you."
"Okay fine come on we need to go to the doctor," she says and I nod. I grab my purse out of my bedroom and we run outside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I swing my legs back and forth as I wait. We'd been waiting for nearly twenty minutes and I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. "Child you are gonna stress me the hell out enough with the pacing and the swinging."
"Yeah well I might be pregnant so would you please be a little less bitchy and a little more supportive?" I say with a fake smile plastered on my face.
"I'm sorry I just can't believe you got yourself into a situation like this!" She yells and I groan.
"Well not all of us are married and happy to have kids," I say and she sighs.
"I'm not married yet," she points out and I roll my eyes.
"Sorry engaged," I say correcting myself.
"I'm gonna let that slide cause I know you're scared but if I didn't love you, and you weren't my best friend I would totally take maid of honor away from you."
"Please I wouldn't even be maid of honor if we weren't best friends."
"True" She says and I smile. The door opens and Gigi practically jumps out of her seat. "Miss Goldman?" A lady with black hair who looks to be in her forties asks and I nod. "I'm dr Hooper. Now I understand you called and scheduled an appointment because you thought you might be pregnant?"
"She took a pregnancy test at her house and it came out positive but she wanted to be sure."
"Excuse me for overstepping but I don't see a father?"
"No uh I don't want to say anything to him unless I am."
"Okay well miss Goldman I'm not sure if this is the news you wanted but you are indeed pregnant," she says and I feel like the room has begun to spin.
"I'm what?"
"Pregnant dear," she says adjusting her glasses and I laugh nervously.
"Thank you dr," Gigi says picking up on my reaction.
"If you'd like I can put myself on your file and we can schedule our next appointment. Or if there's another option you'd like to choose or maybe you wish to speak to the father first?"
"I think she needs some time to think," Gigi says since I'm unable to make words.
"That's quite alright just be sure to give us a call," Dr Hooper smiles before walking out of the room.
"No no no. This can't be happening!"
"Kate you're gonna be fine!"
"How can you say that? You're not pregnant!"
"Like she said you can choose another option."
"Like what? What am I supposed to decide Gigi?"
"You don't have to decide anything right now," she says and I nod. "But I'd figure it out soon so you can figure out what to tell the dad."
"Oh my god this is just fantastic!" I say burying my face in my hands.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gigi drives me home and neither of us says a word the whole ride home. She pulls up to my apartment and I sigh. "So do you want to be alone?" She asks and I shake my head.
"I don't know what to do.." I say and she sighs.
"You'll figure it out," she says and I feel my eyes fill with tears. "Hey keep it together! No crying!"
"I'm sorry it's the hormones," I say and we both laugh. "My mom would be so disappointed in me."
"She could never be disappointed in you."
"Getting pregnant before I'm even married? Yeah I think that would be the one thing that would make her disappointed in me."
"No Mrs Goldman was a saint and she loved you more than anything," Gigi says and I sigh.
"She did yeah but she always told my aunt Chelsea that she didn't want me to get pregnant and not be ready. She wanted me ready and happy and married. And oh my god my dad is going lose his shit!"
"Who cares what everybody else thinks? You're gonna make the decision that you think is best.."
"Ugh why couldn't there just be a giant sign that says 'hey Kate this is the right decision'"
"Cause that's not how life works and you know it, she says and I sigh. I lean back up against the seat and bite my lip. "Come on lets go inside," Gigi says and I nod.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I go into my bedroom while Gigi goes into the kitchen to try to make something for me to eat. I throw myself onto the bed and stare at the ceiling. I have no idea what the best option is in this situation. I wouldn't possibly know how to raise a child and if I kept the baby my father would most likely disown me. And if I decided to keep it and raise it it would ruin everything for the father.
But then if I got an abortion I might regret that and if I gave the baby up for adoption I could regret it too. And there's no guarantee the kid would end up in a happy home. God my head is pounding and I feel like I'm going to throw up. "Gigi can you bring me some Advil?" I say and she doesn't answer. I stand up and turn on my lamp before walking over and turning off the light switch.
"Here, a sprite and an Advil and I'm making you some soup right now," She says and I smile.
"I have the best friend in the world."
"You really do," she says as I take the sprite and Advil from her. I twist the cap off of the sprite and pop the pills into my mouth. I swallow and sigh. "Any clue as to what you wanna do?"
"No. I just feel like no matter what I decide it isn't gonna be good."
"I'm so sorry Kate."
"I mean what would you do?"
"You know me I'd love to be a mom especially if the dad was someone I loved that would help me raise the kid. But look I can't tell you what to do."
"I know but.."
"Just think about it and in the end it will be whatever you decide and everybody will support you no matter what," Gigi says and I nod.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After I eat and think for a bit I walk out into the living room and Gigi smiles. "Well what did you decide?"
"I didn't decide anything. This is a big decision and I have absolutely no idea what to do."
"Maybe you should talk to the dad? Unless of course it's James then it's better to make the decision on your own."
"Yeah I'll talk to him.."
"So it's not James.."
"Um I'd really rather not say now."
"Okay but you have to tell me eventually," she says and I nod. I pull out my phone and text Harry asking if he can meet. He answers quickly with a yes and I smile. 'I gotta go' I say and Gigi stands up.
"You're going to talk to the father?" She asks and I nod. "You're gonna be okay it's all gonna be okay," she says giving me a hug.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I park my car in a parking spot at the park and look around anxiously. What exactly do I say? 'Hey remember how we slept together a few weeks together? Well now I'm pregnant and it's yours!' God of course I can't say that. I hear a tap on the window and my heartbeat slows down just a little when I see Harry.
I get out of my car and take a deep breath. We begin taking a walk and I try to relax. It's Harry I can trust him, I shouldn't be so nervous. "Hey," He says and I smile.
"Hey," I say. "Um how was your day?"
"It was good. I think I might be getting a
promotion soon," he says running his fingers through his hair.
"Harry that's so great!" I say and he nods.
"Yeah, how was yours?"
"Um it was okay.." I say and he furrows his eyebrows.
"Why just okay?"
"Um it was just long," I lie. Oh my god I might not even be able to tell him. "I'm sorry," he says giving me a sympathetic look.
"It's okay totally not your fault," I say and he shrugs. I stop walking and sigh. "Hey Kate are you okay?"
"Harry... um I have something I need to talk to you about."
"What's going on?"
"God I don't even know how to say this.."
"You can tell me anything.. I'm your best friend," he says and I nod. I think back to the night a few weeks ago. We were sat next to each other on the couch and our friends had begun to leave one by one. Niall was the last to leave, and it had been a shitty week so Harry told me I could stay as long as I wanted. I looked up into his eyes and smiled.
Our eyes met and he leaned down and kissed me.
Then one thing led to another and the next thing I knew I had slept with my best friend. "Kate what is it?" Harry asks snapping me out of my thoughts and I sigh. Guess it's now or never.
"Harry I'm pregnant," I whisper and he looks at me confused.
"What?"
"I'm pregnant," I say again but this time much louder.
"You're what?"
"Pregnant.." I say my eyes filling with tears.
"Wait is it mine?"
"I mean not that I really feel like discussing my sex life but you're the only one I've slept with in the past month or so."
"Wait but what about James?" Harry asks and I shake my head. "Oh my god."
"I'm so sorry. I hadn't planned for this and now I have no idea what to do and-" I say and I begin crying.
"Shh," Harry says pulling me in for a hug and I sigh.
"You probably hate me now," I say and he shakes his head.
"I could never hate you Kate," he says letting go of me.
"And this is just gonna ruin everything for you if I decide to keep the kid because you're doing so well and-"
"Shh don't worry about me, do whatever you want, I will support you no matter what."
"Thank you for being so great."
"I just can't believe you're pregnant or that I'm the dad... and are you even sure you're pregnant?"
"Yes I took the at home test and went to the doctor both came out positive."
"I uh wow.."
"I know this isn't what you wanted. You wanted to get married first and now I've screwed it all up."
"Shh stop talking like that. Everything is going to be okay. We could raise the baby you know."
"How? I don't know how to raise a kid and it's not like I have my mom to help me and if my dad found out he would want nothing to do with us."
"We'll figure it out and you know my mum and Gemma would be more than happy to help."
"I mean we could always have the kid and give it up for adoption but then I worry the kid would end up in a crappy foster home as one of those meal tickets."
"What about abortion?" He asks and I sigh.
"I can't believe I'm pregnant," I say and Harry sighs.
"Hey why don't we go get some food? No one ever made a big decision on an empty stomach," he suggests and I nod. We walk back up to where my car is and Harry and he begins driving us to a restaurant just down the road. Harry opens the door for me and I smile at him. "Thank you," I say and he nods.
"Here I'll go order for you you just sit down."
"Harry I'm okay," I say and follow him up to the counter.
"Two number fives please," Harry says pulling out his money. He hands it to the cashier and I sigh. "Hey look at me... we will get through this together whatever you decide."
"You're actually being so understanding," I say and he smiles.
"Did you think I was gonna be pissed?"
"A little because if we raise it then that sets you back in your plans and-"
"Would you stop worrying about that?"
"I can't if you didn't get to do what you wanted it would be my fault."
"Hey it took two people to create this baby so quit blaming yourself."
"Okay.." I say and he smiles.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After we finish eating Harry and I head back to the park to get his car. "You okay?" He asks and I nod. "Uh oh that's your thinking face."
"I have a thinking face?"
"Mmhm," Harry says and I laugh. "Look I made you laugh."
"Would you totally hate me if I decided to give the kid up for adoption?"
"No I could never hate you I already told you that."
"It's just it's your kid too, it's not really fair of me to make the decision all on my own."
"I will support you in whatever you decide."
"But..."
"Look we both know I want kids just not necessarily right now and besides I can't be selfish."
"Well neither can I," I say and he sighs.
"Are you gonna be okay by yourself tonight? I can come stay?"
"Yeah that would be great."
"I'll meet you at your place in fifteen minutes," Harry says and gives me a hug. I let go of him and I watch as he gets into his car before I begin driving home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I pull up to my apartment and see Harry leaning up against the door as he waits. "How'd you beat me, I left before you?" I say and he shrugs. I unlock the door and we walk inside. Harry and I walk into my living room and he looks at all of my movies. "Let's see Bambi, Black Panther or Legally Blonde?"
"Come on Legally Blonde always," I say and Harry laughs. He pops the movie into the DVD player and goes into my bedroom to grab a blanket. He comes back a minute later and sits down beside me. I lay my head on him and smile. "You know the last time we were like this was right before we slept together?" I say and Harry laughs. "I have a question."
"Shoot?"
"Why did you kiss me that night?"
"Um what?"
"Before we slept together we were sitting on your couch watching a movie and I looked up at you and you leaned down and kissed me.."
"Oh shit.. did I?"
"Hold on you don't remember?"
"I remember sleeping together I don't really remember me kissing you."
"Oh.. I mean it was kinda what led us to sleep together. Least in my opinion."
"Maybe I'd been drinking and the alcohol made me do something stupid.."
"Yeah maybe," I say turning towards the tv.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wake up the next morning in my bed with no memory as to how I got there. I sit up and look around. I slide out of bed and walk into the living room. I see Harry sleeping on the couch with the gray blanket from the night before wrapped over him. I smile and walk into the kitchen.
I'm still not sure what decision I wanna make. I mean I think I do but at the same time I'm not really sure. I walk into my bedroom and grab my phone off of the charger. I dial the drs office number and tap my foot. "Hello this is Amanda, how can I help you?"
"Yes this is Kate Goldman I was hoping to speak to dr Mandy Hooper."
"One minute please," Amanda says and I sigh. I shut my bedroom door and sit down on the edge of the bed. "Hello? Kate?"
"Hi Dr Hooper!"
"Amanda said you wanted to speak to me?"
"I did I have a question.."
"Okay what is it?"
"Say I decided to give birth to the baby would I be able to decide whether I wanted to give it up for adoption or keep it closer to the due date?"
"Of course we've had lots of first time mothers who thought they may want to give the child up who ended up raising it after the kid was born.."
"Okay.."
"Would you like me to tell Amanda you want to schedule your next appointment?"
"Um I'm not sure yet... can I call you back?"
"Of course but you should know if you decide to have an abortion it is better to do it ASAP."
"Yeah okay.. thank you dr Hooper."
"Of course Kate. Please call within the next twenty four hours to give us some idea of what you've decided," she says and I nod. I hang up and set my phone down on the bed. I put a hand on my stomach and sigh. I'm exactly where I started only now I may even be more conflicted. I shake my head and stand up and walk outside to the living room.
"Morning Kate," Harry says when he sees me and I smile.
"Good morning Harry."
"Did you figure out what you wanna do yet?"
"Not exactly.. I just know I don't want an abortion."
"You want to raise the baby?"
"I don't know maybe or maybe we can find the baby a good home but it's a start at least. Are you okay with either of the two options?" I ask and he stands up from the couch.
"I am," He says and I smile. "But you know what this means don't you? We have to tell our families."
"I know," I say looking down. "I mean maybe we could just tell your mom and then I could just not talk to or see my dad until after I have the kid?"
"You know you can't do that. You love your dad too much to not see him for nine months straight."
"I miss my mom," I say my eyes filling with tears. Harry pulls me close and hugs me. "I know. She'd be so happy for you ya know.."
"I don't think so."
"Why on earth not?"
"Because she would have wanted me to be married or atleast planned for this and to have a kid with someone I love," I say and Harry sighs.
"Stop talking like that.." he says and I sigh. "So who are we telling first?"