Baby Steps

Chapter Five

//Harry's Pov\\

I storm out of Sophia's apartment shutting the door behind me. Why does it make me selfish for wanting to raise my own child? And why does she believe that she would make a terrible mother? She would be such a great mother! But she's convinced herself that she can't do it.
I don't understand why she feels like that, because I've seen her with kids before, she's so good. Everyone thinks she could do it except for her, and part of the reason why is because her dad doesn't have the same confidence we have in her. It's so damn frustrating. I fiddle with my keys and look back at her apartment. I unlock my car and quickly get in. 'Do you wanna get a drink?' I text Louis and tap my fingers on the steering wheel while I wait for him to answer.
'Um Harold.. you do realize it's the middle of the day right?'
'I didn't mean now.. just tonight.'
'Yeah. Course but you don't wanna stay in reading parenting books with Kate tonight?'
'Shut the hell up Lou'
'Okay sorry.. what crawled up your ass?'
'I don't wanna talk about it. Okay?'
'Okay Jesus Harry.' Louis says and I sigh. This is so messed up. Why can't I keep my kid? Why don't I get any say in what happens after the baby is born? And who does she think she is calling me selfish? I take a deep breath and begin driving home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The hand on the clock moves to indicate that it's now six pm. I walk into my room and grab my hoodie and keys and walk outside and to my car. I jump in my car and drive straight to the bar. I need a drink. A strong one too.
My phone buzzes and I sigh. I pull into the parking lot and look around for an empty parking spot. I find one right in the corner of the parking lot and pull into it. I grab my wallet out of the side of the door and run inside. 'Anyone here?' I text and look around for my friends.
How the hell am I selfish for wanting to raise our child? And damn what kind of a mess have I even gotten myself into? She was right I did want to wait until I was married to have kids, but I'm not just gonna let that keep me from wanting to raise this kid. Especially with Kate. Besides I have every reason to be skeptical about being a parent too.
My dad walked out on us when I was young. I was raised by a single parent. I have similar trauma to Kate and all of the same reasons to be nervous. My phone buzzes and I tap on the messages. 'On a barstool' Louis says and I walk over to the bar.
I spot my best friend and walk over to him. "Hey Lou'
"Harold.. the others are coming soon."
"The others?"
"Zayn and Niall," Louis says and I nod. I order a drink and sigh. "Mate what's going on?" Louis asks and I shake my head.
"Uh..." I say and hear footsteps. The bartender puts down two drinks drink and Louis thanks him. "Where is Zayn?" Louis asks turning around. He nudges me and I turn my head to see Niall, Zayn, Eleanor and Gigi walking towards us. I sigh and shake my head.
Here we go. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Eleanor says and I take a drink of whiskey.
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't play dumb Harry!" Gigi says and I furrow my eyebrows.
"Mate did you tell Kate you wanted her to keep the baby?" Niall asks and I sigh.
"Uh yeah," I say before turning back towards the bar.
"You what?" Louis says and I shake my head.
"Okay you don't understand," I say and Gigi scoffs.
"Gigi babe let him explain," Zayn says and I sigh.
"Apparently now he's telling Kate she should keep the baby," Eleanor says filling him in.
"Why shouldn't she?" Louis says and Eleanor gives him a dirty look.
"Explain Harry!" Gigi spits and I sigh.
"There's not anything to explain... I just realized I want to raise my child."
"Oh that's great I'm so happy for you... what's the matter with you?" Eleanor says smacking me.
"What is wrong with me wanting to keep my kid?"
"Because it doesn't just affect you Harry it affects Kate too!" Gigi says and I sigh.
"You know she's got a point," Zayn says and I sigh.
"So I'm the bad guy just because Kate doesn't want to keep our child?"
"You're the bad guy because you said you were gonna support her no matter what she decided and then you turned around and said you wanted to keep the baby," Niall says and I scoff.
"Okay who's side are you all on?"
"Kate's," He says and I shake my head.
"Would it really be so bad for Kate to raise a child?" Louis asks and Eleanor's eyes widen.
"Do you want me to hit you again?" Eleanor says and Louis shakes his head.
"Because you guys know Kate lost her mom at an early age," Gigi says and zayn nods.
"No offense but what the hell does that have to do with anything?" Louis says and Eleanor hits him. "Ow."
"Don't be an idiot Lou," she says and Niall sighs.
"Kate lost her mom when she was thirteen y'all all know that... she didn't grow up with a motherly figure like we did. She didn't get to have the same kind of relationships with her parents as we did.. and not only that but her own dad doesn't think she could do it, of course she doesn't have the confidence we have in her," Gigi says and I look around at everyone.
"But we told her we're her family and that she has nothing to worry about," Niall says with a confused look on his face.
"True but while we may all be like family together she obviously loves her dad and wants his approval.." Gigi says and I feel my blood begun to boil.
"Why?" I yell and everyone turns their attention from Gigi to me.
"Why what Harry?" Eleanor says and I sigh.
"Why doesn't she believe in herself? Why does she need his god damn approval?"
"It's easier to believe in other people mate"Louis says and I sigh.
"Besides you never really know until you're in that position," Eleanor says and I take a deep breath.
"You know, she's not the only one who grew up with only one parent..." I point out and Eleanor sighs remembering that my dad left us when I was just a toddler. I don't remember much of him, or any of him really. I think I was three when he left. Mum never really even talks about it. Just that she wishes we could've had a father figure.
Not that it matters Gem and I both grew up to be alright. Mum tried to date occasionally but she never really found anyone she thought she'd want to be with the rest of her life, a suitable father figure either. So growing up I didn't have a father figure. "Harry, I'm so sorry," Eleanor says and Niall gives me a comforting embrace.
"It's fine it's just, she's not the only one who grew up with only one parent. And I get it, I know that was hard for her... but it was hard for me too. But I have faith that we can both be great parents," I say and there's a moment of silence between all of us.
"I mean we get what you're saying it's just..." Zayn says attempting to find the right words.
"So just because she doesn't think she can do it I should have to give up my kid?"
"No that's not what we're saying," Eleanor says and I shake my head.
"Then what the hell are you saying?"
"That you know that things are hard for Kate and you should let her know you support her."
"I can't.."
"Harry," Niall says and I shake my head.
"Why don't I get a say in what happens huh? It is just as much my baby as it is hers!"
"You can't expect us to sit back and support you in such a selfish decision," Zayn says and I sigh.
"Then don't.."
"Would you please just talk to her mate?" Louis says and I sigh. "Cause if you don't it's gonna be a long nine months and I don't think you want your friendship to fall apart over something like this."
"You mean over our kid?" I say and no one says another word.
"Just try to talk to her about it," he says and I sigh. I take another drink and stand up. "Let us know how it goes?" Niall says and I push past him and Zayn without saying a word.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I sit in my car in front of her apartment and sigh. I don't want to tell her that she should just give the baby up because it's not like she would be giving up some random man's baby, she would be giving up my baby. Our baby. I turn off my car and get out. I walk up to her door and take a deep breath.
I knock and the door swings open. She bites her lip when she sees me but she doesn't say anything. Neither of us do. I clear my throat and she looks down. "What the hell do you want Harry?"
"Wow."
"What?"
"What a great way to greet me."
"I'm sorry do you want some coffee? Or do you want to go back on your word again?" She says and I scoff.
"I came to have a mature conversation but right now I'm not sure if you're capable of it."
"Wow."
"Please like you're being any more polite right now," I say and she shakes her head. "But I really do wanna talk."
"Then talk," She says and I sigh.
"Look I'm sorry you're upset."
"Apology accepted."
"I wasn't finished," I say and she gestures for me to continue. "Can I come inside?"
"Uh no.
"Come on Kate," I say and she sighs. She moves out of the way and I walk inside. "Don't make yourself at home.."
"Damn what is your problem?"
"My problem Harry is that you were being selfish. You know you were great in the beginning, saying you'd support me no matter what and then you just what change your mind? I don't understand!"
"You're right I did say that I would support you no matter what but then the more I thought about it this seemed like the best option for everybody."
"How?"
"We could raise our baby together Kate. We could do it and it could be great.."
"One problem-"
"You can be a mother"
"No I can't Harry!"
"Yes you can I don't know what makes you think you can't but you can," I say and she shakes her head.
"So you didn't come here to apologize or to say that you were wrong? You came to try and convince me!"
"Kate.."
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Why is there something wrong with me just because I think we could raise our kid and our kid could be happy with us."
"Or it could be miserable because I am not a mother Harry."
"Why do you keep saying that?" I ask and she shakes her head.
"I can't Harry!"
"No tell me! Please!"
"Because I don't have my mom to help me! I lost her when I was thirteen Harry!"
"I know-"
"You also know that I didn't get the same kind of relationship everybody else got with their mother. I didn't get to talk to her about boys or go shopping for prom dresses or have her help me through heartbreaks.. I didn't get any of it!" She yells tears now running down her cheeks. I walk towards her and wipe her tears. She pushes me away and I sigh. "I know this is difficult because your family doesn't support you but what about this morning? Me, el, Louis, Gigi, Niall, and Zayn they're your family.." I say and she shakes her head.
"I know and that is not why I am struggling Harry it's because I don't know the first thing about being a parent!"
"What like I do?"
"Yeah Harry you do," she says and I sigh.
"Are you just forgetting that my own dad left me and my mom when I was barely two?"
"No I'm not, and you know I've always felt bad about that but Harry.. you're such a good man. You're already a great uncle this wouldn't be any different."
"You're great with kids too and you know it! There's not much difference between us!"
"At least you have a family to support you!"
"You do too! Is it not enough?"
"I'm not saying that oh my god! And I know you want to be a father trust me... but-"
"That's not fair..."
"Harry.."
"So what? You just want to make this decision without me? It doesn't really matter what I say?"
"I'm sorry.."
"For once I'm not... this is bullshit!"
"That's not fair!"
"No you are the one being unfair! This is my child too!" I say now raising my voice.
"I know that Harry!"
"So why don't I get a say?"
"Because..."
"Because why? You can't be a mother? Or you don't want to?" I say and her mouth falls open.
"I-"
"What?"
"I need you to leave," she says turning her back towards me.
"Kate.."
"Get out Harry!" She yells but she still doesn't look at me.
"If you would just listen and be open minded maybe you'd see that you can be a good mother," I say before walking out the door.

AN: HIII long time no see lovelies. life has been insane. also sorry this chapter is going up an hour late but i hope y'all enjoy it! this album was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster haha. ALSOOO i have decided that I will post chapter six tomorrow as well upload time coming soon. take care mwah! - payton