day zero

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people say falling in love takes time, but they never say how much. I just always assumed it took years to truly love someone, to be completely and utterly captivated by another person. I always knew I'd stumble upon someone someday and over time learn to love them. I just never expected it to happen in one summer.


I let the smell of salt and seaweed fill my nose, of course being me I forgot to close my window last night which means I wouldn't even need an alarm to wake me up. The tourists did that for me, the sound of chatter and small children could be heard very very early in the morning with all the trippers trying to get a good spot on the beach before it filled. 'Jesus Cole, close your window before you binge watch Netflix next time!'  I internally screamed at myself. I didn't really mind the trippers though, as long as the kept to themselves and left when august ended I was pretty content. 

I stirred and turned to look at the dimly lit digital clock on my night stand reading the horror movie of times 6:30 a.m. I groaned and stuffed a pillow in my face suppressing my anger knowing I wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep. I counted to ten and took a deep breath before deciding I might as well get a head start on my day now that I'm up. But to be clear just because im being productive doesn't mean I'm super thrilled about it. I mentally reminded myself that this wasn't the end of the world and picked up a bathing suit and some shorts from off my floor. 

'wow I really need to clean' I noted internally. I mean it's not like anyone is going to see my room anyways right? changing into the dark yellow bikini I walked over to my mirror and audibly gasped at the state of my hair. it was literally almost bigger then my head. After a twenty minute struggle I was finally able to put a brush through it without tearing away my scalp and I let it hang loose down my back. The house was empty as I made my way through the kitchen, grabbing a tote bag from off the kitchen door I started to fill it with some cut fruit, crackers, and Nutella. 

"What the fuck?" A voice echoed behind me

I jumped and whipped around, letting out a sigh of relief when I locked eyes with my brother, Everett. He stood there rubbing his eyes with a slight smirk on his face, knowingly because he just scared the shit out of me. I rolled my eyes and continued packing the tote.

"why are you awake this early?" I asked, not really caring because deep down I know I woke him up with all my banging. He stifled a yawn and took a seat at the breakfast bar placing his head in his hands watching attentively before starting his reply.

"c'mon Colette, it sounded like world war three out here, you're lucky you didn't wake the police" he mumbled laying his head down on the counter. I stiffened and took a long inhale, turning towards him and saying "don't call me colette". He peaked up and rolled his eyes at me brushing off my insatiable hatred for my name, and just chuckled. "whatever you say Cole" He said. I huffed and grabbed my bag and my notebook before slipping on some shoes and heading out the back sliding door. I was welcomed to the world with a warm breeze and the hint of some sunlight. I closed the door behind me and made my way down the beach.

I walked down the shoreline for about ten minutes before I reached a rocky hill. I huffed and climbed over rock over rock before heading down the other side to a little hidden patch of sand. I called it the cover. This little piece of hidden beach that was all mine, the tide rolled in and out and I planted myself down against a rock pull my fruit and notebook from my bag. the watermelon hit my tongue and it was refreshing, it felt like I hadn't had any water in days but this instantly cured my thirst. I studied the sunrise and wrote my goals for the day. Taking in the fresh ocean air in a deep breath i finished with my daily journal.  

My therapist suggested the journal about two years ago. To manage my anger and my emotions and as much as I didn't want to admit it it worked, being able to express myself through writing was the only thing that ever worked. Whenever I feel upset or angry I work it all out though the pages in these books. Its safe to say ive probably been through about 12 or so journals at this point all stored in a box under my bed. 

I forced myself up and out of my spot, throwing my short off to the side and sucking in a deep breath before submerging my body in the water. At first, the shock of the cold was enough to send me shivering and running home for a hot shower. But I didn't come up yet. I waited and cradled myself under that cold water until it wasn't cold anymore. I held that single breath deep in my lungs until it didn't feel like the water was trying to kill me anymore. I sunk and just when I felt like I was passing out I swam up to the surface and gave thanks to the universe for another breath. 

I floated flat on my back and closed my eyes. feeling the water wade around my body, hitting every part, pulling me farther and farther away with every wave. I craved this, I needed this to survive. The silence, the loneliness. I needed the time to put myself back together again everyday. 

Though only minutes passed before I heard a muffled voice call my name.

"COLE" it shouted. 

I peaked my head up and locked eyes with robin. He stood tall with a smile. I smiled back and he came hurdling toward me swimming fast and grabbing me holding me tight. "good morning" I said. 

"now what are you doing up soooo early?" he questioned. I rolled my eyes and splashed him. 

"the trippers woke me up" I fake cried, we both swam toward the cover, and laid flat on our backs. "oooo someone forgot to close their window" he teased, I huffed and grabbed a handful of sand throwing it right in his streaky blonde hair. He gasped and rolled over and started wrestling me, pinning both hands to my side. Cruelly, he started to shake his hair causing all the sand to fly all over me. "hey! stop it" I laughed, trying to break free from his iron grip. 

He laughed and let me go sitting up right beside me while I tried to clean the sand from my face, I shook my head and sighed laying my head in his lap while he looked out to the water.  We sat like this for a while before he broke from his zoned state and looked down at me.

"ready to head to work?" He said giving me a soft apologetic smile. I mentally cursed him for breaking the silence and only nodded picking myself up and gathering everything from the ground. 

"only if we have to" I sighed. 


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⏰ Last updated: Feb 03, 2022 ⏰

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