Intertwined

Chapter 8

Lauren's POV

Today is our concert and I'm extremely nervous. The girls have been by my side all morning and quite frankly I'm starting to get irritated. Let me give you an example as to why. This morning I didn't want to eat breakfast because I wasn't hungry. I was genuinely not hungry, this was not a fasting thing. All the girls, except Camila, ganged up on me and kept bugging me to eat. Eventually I no longer had a choice because they were forcing me to eat the food. So I ate.

They have kept an eye on me to make sure I'm okay. I know that they just want to make sure I'm fine but I just want some space. 

Currently we are doing our vocal warm-ups. There are 5 minutes until we have to make our way to the stage. Warm-ups pass by quickly and before we know it our tour manager is directing us towards the stage. I can barely hold my mic when it is handed to me. My knees are wobbly, my hands are sweaty, my heart is pounding really hard at a really rapid pace. I'm a mess. All the terror in me starts to fade when I feel a hand slip into mine. I look off to the side where the person is and see those big, brown eyes looking at me. Camila smiles softly and squeezes my hand slightly reassuringly.

We are called to step on stage and all my nervousness returned. The crowd was HUGE. I instantly froze. Camila looks back at me and pulls me to my spot on the stage. The music begins to play and the concert begins. I lose myself in the music, giving this concert my all. I'm no longer nervous. It'll be alright.

~

Back at the Fifth Harmony home

"Lauren! Come up here!" Camila yells down the stairs. I groan and make my way up the stairs slowly.

Ain't no body got time for this. My lazy ass belongs to the couch right now. I hate these stairs. These stupid ass motherf- My thoughts are interrupted when I feel someone shoving me.

"LAUREN! HURRY UP!" Normani says in an annoyed tone. "Jeez Normani, go around me." I reply in the same annoyed tone as her. She groans and quickly climbs the stairs around me. When I reach the top of the stairs I walk to Camila's room only to find her on the floor with papers scattered all over the floor. I carefully step around the papers and sit down next to her. "What is all of this?" I ask her. She smiles. "We are going to decorate the walls of your room." I look at her extremely confused. "What?" I say in a questioning tone.

"Come on. Help me carry these papers to your room" She replies while standing up and gathering half of the papers on the floor. I collect the other half and follow her across the hall to my room. We put them down in a stack and Camila runs back to her room, only to return with tape. "Today at our concert I saw a girl in the front row with scars on her arms. She looked tired but their was happiness in her eyes. When we got close to the edge of the stage, I saw that she had a necklace with words on it. It said: I will stay strong because I am strong. After the show, I got the chance to catch her before she left and talked to her. Her name is Madison. She told me how we helped her stay strong and recover from self harm and depression. She said that her necklace is a reminder that she is strong and can get through anything. It helps her stay positive when negative thoughts attack her. When she told me those things, I began to think. I want to surround you with positivity. You may still think or do negative things but when your surrounded with positivity...things may change. So I have spent all afternoon printing positive quotes and sayings for you. There are even some poems in here too. We are going to tape them all over your walls so that when you wake up or come into your room it'll be the first thing you see. They will also be the last things you see when you go to bed. Now, let's get to work." She explained. I just stood there trying to process what she just said.

"Y-You did this for m-me?" I ask, shocked. She nods and a huge smile spreads across her face. "I don't know what to say...Thank you Camila." I engulf her in a hug. "You're the best girlfriend ever." I say without much thought. Camila pulls away, "Girlfriend?" She smirks at me. "I-I" I'm at a loss for words and don't know what to say. We still haven't classified what we are yet. I start to freak out but Camila grabs both my hands in hers and looks me in the eyes. "Lauren, breathe. It's okay. Since we still haven't really discussed what we are yet, let's sort it out right now. Lauren Michelle Jauregui, will you be my girlfriend?" I gently kiss her on the lips and then pull away and hug her tightly. "I'll take that as a yes." Camila says giggling lightly.

We start to plaster my dull purple walls with all sorts of poems, quotes, and sayings. An hour later my room has papers decorating all my walls. Camila takes out a stack of sticky notes from her pocket and starts to walk around. She starts to stick them onto different things. "Camila what are those?" I ask. "Reminders" She simply answers. She walks over to my nightstand and places a sticky note on my lamp. I go over to it and read it: You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one. Every single sticky note was a different quote. She kept placing them in places that I'd see everyday.

There was only one sticky note left and Camila placed it in the corner of my mirror. It said: I will stay strong because I am strong. 

At that moment, my heart swelled up with happiness and warmth. She really does care. She did all of this for me. Holy crap am I lucky to have her. I ache to have her arms around me. My arms reach out and grab her arm, pulling her closer to me. I place my hand behind her neck and pull it closer so our lips are barely an inch apart. Our eyes meet and I close the space between us. When our lips meet I feel the fireworks. My stomach does back flips and my knees begin to wobble underneath me. The effect she has on me is indescribable. The way she smiles, the way she treats people with so much kindness, the way she can be a total goofball at times but still be so wise and mature, her deep thoughts, the way she is a completely different person around me...EVERYTHING about her makes me melt. But the thing I love most is when we are looking into each others eyes. Happiness overtakes my thoughts and there are butterflies and fireworks everywhere. No one can do what she is doing to me. I wouldn't trade her for the world.

The kiss lasts for a couple more seconds before we pull away. She grabs my hand and leads me down to the kitchen. I sit down at one of the kitchen chairs expecting Camila to sit next to me but she doesn't. Instead, she starts to take out ingredients for something and begins to cook. Thirty minutes later she sets a plate of spaghetti and bananas in front of me along with a cup of water. She sits down with her plate and begins to eat. I look down at my food with tears forming in my eyes. I put my head in my hands to cover the tears the are now escaping from my eyes. Camila's hands grab both of mine and pull them away from my face. I'm too ashamed to look at her. Eating is such an easy thing to do but for me it's a battle.

"Hey, look at me." Camila's voice is full of kindness and caring. I look up and see that she has a small smile on her face. "I never said you had to eat it. I'm not gonna force you into eating. Recovery is your choice. I will still be here when your ready. Don't think that I'm gonna force you into doing things you don't want to. When you are ready I will be here to help you and I can assure you that I will stay by your side. What I am saying right now does not just apply to your eating. It applies to the self harm, pill taking, depression and everything else. I will be here when you need me. If you don't want to eat right now then don't. But this also doesn't mean that I will let you starve to death. I don't want to have you in the hospital again or even six feet underground. We will get through this together, okay?" Camila squeezes my hands as she says that. I nod and look down again. I pick up my fork and take a deep breath. Do it for her. Slowly but surely I eat. Camila beams with happiness as she watches me. We eat in a comfortable silence. The whole time I keep repeating the same lines in my head: Do it for her, I will stay strong because I am strong. Do it for her, I will stay strong because I am strong. Do it for her, I will stay strong because I am strong.....

After dinner we get ready for bed. Today has been a long day. Camila crawls into bed with me and faces me. We keep our eyes locked on one another until she reaches out and pulls me closer to her. Her left arm drapes over my waist and her hand draws patterns on my back. Her other arm acts as a pillow to my head and her hand runs through my hair. I re-position my head so that it is laying on her chest. I drift off to the steady beating of her heart. The last thing I see before I completely fall asleep is a quote on the wall that says: Look up to the sky, you'll never find rainbows if you're looking down.

I fall asleep thinking about how much better tomorrow will be. But the best part is that when I slip into my peaceful dreamland, I have a smile on my face and I no longer feel so empty.... I feel loved....