Today, I Shall Die (CountryHumans)

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Today, I shall die.

No, that sounds wrong. Death implies that one has a life to be taken away. I don't think I've ever felt alive. Perhaps I never lived to begin with.

From the day I have existed, brought into the world in a feeble attempt to keep my country from falling into complete anarchy, I have done nothing but carry the callous burden my predecessor left me. With only a shambling economy, a humiliated populace, and a government threatening to eat itself out I have tried all I can to keep myself from failing, to persist by sheer willpower.

The shameful things I've done to keep myself together, I try not to cast my mind to it. Pride is not a luxury I can afford, not even the most basic of dignity that is inherent in all of us; I slaved away, toiling, day and night, in the offices filing a never ending stream of paperwork, in the shops where I sold goods worth sacks of banknotes that were worth cow shit, in the factories where I produced shoddy products no one could afford, in the back alleys that were perfect for an exchange of hallucinogens and drugs, in the slums at the darkest of nights when the men would come and pay for my touch, for a taste of my meat. What was dignity? What was freedom? I do not know such things. My entire being was shackled to the jagged walls of this cave forced to watch the endless dancing of shadows in front of me. This torment is all I knew and it is all I will ever know for today, I shall die.

I have decided this. I no longer want to partake in the cruelty of this world. I am exhausted, my hands from washing away the stains of blood father left on my clothes, my arms from carrying the heavy weight of his humiliation, my legs for I have walked a million miles and back because I couldn't afford a horse much more a carriage or a car, my body which had endured so much bruises from cruel touches that sought only to take from me, my soul which no longer can take all of this heartache.

I shall die but with my death I shall take all of this with me to my grave. This pain. This humiliation. This suffering. They shall be buried, but they will not be forgotten. The ground will eat me up along with this great sorrow and it will fester in the soil and from it will sprout weeds that will invade this land- a pandemic everyone will not be able to help but accept with open arms. This country will be overrun with thorny vines and jagged trees feeding off of my agony, bearing fruits of hatred, and with each bite you take from this fruit you shall know from its bitter taste my first and final retaliation against the misfortune that is my existence;

That today I shall die for it is this day I've decide that I have had enough.