It was a beautiful day, Childe was taking a stroll in Liyue looking for a fight to practice his combat abilities.
He met quite a few hilichurls turning them all into ashes.
After a while he saw some ruins in front of them was a ruin guard patrolling the area. After noticing it Childe quickly ran towards it, making an attempt to attack the ruin guard he was stopped by it's huge hand grabbing him. Trapped Childe got worried, but the thing the ruin guard did surprised him even more than the fact that it manage to stop his attack in the first place. The ruin guard talked.
"What do we have here? Hm a human? A powerful one at that."
Childe was at a loss for words he couldn't believe that the ruin guard was talking. Quickly collecting himself from the shock he shook his head.
"And who might you be?" Childe asked with a playful tone.
"Simply a ruin guard, would you mind not trying to kill me, that isn't nice you know." the ruin guard stated.
"Ahahaha but of course comrade!" Childe quickly said to not risk being attacked in the current vulnerable position he was in.
"I recently woke up from a deep sleep and suddenly I had the ability to speak" the ruin guard continued. "However none of the other guards were able to communicate with me by this manner, suspecting I'm an impostor quickly attacking me."
"Quite a story there comrade would you like me to help ya find what happened with you? Do not get me wrong I do not mean to fix you in any way just the source of your sudden ability!" Childe said with a slightly concerned tone.
"Why of course and may I ask what is this term..."comrade" you speak of?" the ruin guard questioned.
"Ya don't know? Kind of like a friend in battle!"
"Hm so can I consider you a friend?" the ruin guard asked puzzled.
"Why of course we'll help each other out!" Childe said with a cheerful tone.
The ruin guard quickly let him go from his grasp.
"May I ask what your name is friend?" the ruin guard asked.
"Of course! I'm Childe, but I also go by Tartaglia. Do you have a name?" Childe questioned.
"Hm not that I know of..."
"Well how about Sergei? I've always liked that name, how about it?" Childe suggested.
"It has a nice ring to it I'll take it" the ruin guard agreed.
The two then took off on their adventure that would sooner or later take a darker turn.
After a while of walking and chatting Childe and Sergei the ruin guard decided to take a break.
"Ya know Serioja I feel like we've known eachother for such a long time!" Childe said with a happy expression on his face.
"I feel quite the same Childe, it's a pleasure to talk to you." the ruin guard nodded slowly.
They rested for the night and continued their journey the next day. They travelled for quite a while together having fun and some small arguments, they grew close. Encountering a few enemies, and beating them as comrades.
"Hey um Serioja I have something I'd like to say..." Childe said nervously afraid of what might come.
"Hm? What is it Ajax you know you can tell me anything." The ruin guard gently smiled.
Childe stood up preparing for what he was about to say. "...i- I love you, more than my best friend, more than family, you're very dear to me Serioja and I don't think I can go on without telling you my feelings." Childe finished.
Sergei the ruin guard widened his eye then replied calmly "I've been feeling like this aswell Ajax, I love you too thank you for telling me this."
Childe gently cupped the Sergei's face and took him into a deep loving kiss. Their tounges intertwined together kissing eachother passionately.
Sergei quickly got on top of Childe pushing him to the ground. After parting their mouths they stayed like this for a second panting.
"Ohoho two can play this game..." Childe said transforming into his Foul Legacy now being on top of Sergei the ruin guard taking him into another deep kiss. Childe started unbuttoning his pants and after he was done he watched Sergei the ruin guard's lower parts opening and a huge cock hanging. Childe looked at his eyes then down back at the ginormous shlong, even bigger than his Foul Legacy.
"Suck." Sergei the ruin guard commanded. Childe was taken aback by surprise of his sudden change in attitude that was usually calm and collected. After collecting himself Childe got down on his knees and twirled his long Foul Legacy on Sergei's cock.
"N-Ngh" Sergei moaned.
"Oh you like that dorogoi?" Childe smirked. (Dorogoi means dear in Russian for the ppl who don't know)
"C- continue please M- Mmh" Sergei the ruin guard moaned even louder pushing Childe's head deeper onto his cock. Childe was rubbing his dick with his other hand while pleasuring Sergei the ruin guard, moaning onto his wooden cock. Sergei started quickly thrusting into Childe's mouth, then his thrusts got slower and sloppier. "A-AJAX MHNN IM GONNA-"
There was no need for words after Sergei the ruin guard released white liquid mixed with some black motor oil. Still sensitive Sergei was sitting when Childe quickly inserted his huge ass Foul Legacy hole onto Sergei's dick and began bouncing up and down while covering his mouth to silence his pleasure. Sergei the ruin guard quickly removed his hand.
"I want to hear all of it" said Sergei trying to smirk with his wooden mouth, then quickly started thrusting into Childe. Both of them were a moaning mess. The twisted feeling in Childe's stomach quickly built up, moaning and grunting then they the both came.
"Let's do this again sometime" Childe said panting.
"Hm sure" Sergei the ruin guard nodded slowly with a gentle smile.
Time passed they grew closer until one day something terrible happened.
Childe had to leave for work after his long disappearance and had to leave Sergei the ruin guard alone.
Sergei was wandering missing his other half, collecting some flowers to give to him later. However there might not be such a time. Sergei the ruin guard was attacked by an unknown figure completely destroying his head killing him instantly. He couldn't even fight back.
After Childe was done with his job, he searched for Sergei the ruin guard when he found what was left of him he was heartbroken. He felt so useless one of the things he wanted to protect was now gone forever. Childe collapsed over the scattered part of Sergei the ruin guard. He was going to take revenge on whoever did this no matter what.
I DID NOT PROOF READ THIS, ITS SATIRE!!!
Many thanks to my twt friend for this brilliant idea
Anygays if ya have any questions ask me here😋
