Dark Pleasure (Gay)

1. New Beginnings

No one tells you how hard life is. How overwhelming the pain can be cast at someone to suffer. How we fall in love too easily, only to get hurt by loved ones. Mom and I had come so far, literally. The car ride to a fresh start had been long and boring. Mom hadn't said a word to me since Dad had left because he'd rather find a new family than deal with the one he created. All my life I have felt like an outcast and I really didn't understand why. Until I found I had an interest in boys my own age that Dad couldn't handle at all. I sometimes think Mom blamed me for Dad leaving. His last words to Mom and me still replayed in my head.

"No son of mine is going to be a fucking faggot."

After stating what he thought of me he had tried to convince Mom to force me on the streets of where we had used to live; an apartment in New York City. Mom didn't give him the satisfaction though; she refused to throw me out. Later that night I could hear them arguing and then the slam of the front door. That night I hadn't been able to get much sleep and I think Mom hadn't been able to too. The car began to slow as we entered the city limits of my Moms childhood home. The green sign that proclaimed that we were entering the city limits of "Excelsior Springs" made me inwardly sigh.

I get to be the new kid at school.

As soon as I had let that thought run through my head, I instantly felt guilty. It was my fault that we had to move in the first place. Looking at Mom, I could tell that it was taking a toll on Mom. She was quietly driving on the highway that led into the town. Mom used to be filled with joy and so fun loving. I miss the Mom who had smiled at the younger me as I tried to feed his ice cream to the zoo animals. I remember her chiding me for it, but I knew she didn't mean it because she was having trouble not smiling about my childhood actions. Looking at her pale features made me feel bad.

"Mom are you okay?" I asked to break the silence and not because I didn't like the silence but because I knew she wasn't alright. Maybe I just wanted reassurance or something. And at first I didn't think she was going to say anything, but she did. Just not the answer I was looking for.

"We're almost there Jack. Aren't you excited?" Mom glance at me with a smile that quite didn't reach her eyes.

"Yeah mom I'm really excited." I faked a smile and looked out the window to stare at the things mom drove past.

That's when I decided that if mom could fake being okay then I could too. I would do anything if it would bring that fake smile to her eyes. If I could I would tell her I was sorry and tell her I didn't mean for dad to leave, that she was better off without him. But I had a feeling that we wouldn't, even if I hoped for it to be alright. All I could do was hope for things to be okay.

"Are you hungry Jack?"

"Um...no I'm fine right now."

That was the last of the conversation for the rest of the ride. Mom drove past a Wal-Mart and continued deeper into the little town I started to like it. And I could tell that mom had missed this place just a little. The town wasn't much but it was where mom was from. Where she had been born and raised until she was nineteen when she left to further her career as a musician. Mom was a music writer she had made some beautiful songs and probably collaborated in the writing of some of the songs famous singers had sang to further their careers. Being the son of a musician was great; if you lived in a popular large city your career was probably almost always busy. But in a small town like Excelsior Springs in the state of Missouri their probably wasn't much success.

When we finally reached the house, we could see that the movers had already begun to move things into appropriate sized white house, and the truck was already half empty. The house was two stories high, with a drive way and a back yard that was connected to a wooded area. Mom parked in the drive way and turned off the ignition. I watched her as she stared at the house as if she didn't know what to do. I stayed still letting her take her time to gain enough strength to accept our situation and our new start.