im ok !

one.

You deserve it.

I turn over slowly in my in my creaky old bed and stare at my old, pink makeup mirror from middle school. 

My lips? 

Dry. 

Cracked. 

Eyes?

Tired. 

Puffy and red. 

I don't even look like myself. My hair feels dry and stringy. Like I've just poured the strongest bleach onto it. Can be pulled from the root of my head with ease. Definitely not healthy like how it used to be. IM not healthy like I use to be. The girl I see in this dinky mirror simply looks drained. And that's it, I see nothing else.

 It's not worth it, Melanie. Turn back over and go back to sleep. Just quit trying already. You're useless.

No.

Stop it..

God. I wish I could get that awful fucking voice out of my head. But it's my only company that I've had for a while. I've just got to do it and get my stupid ass out of bed.

My legs ache as I slide them off the bed, feels like a million pins being dragged across my limbs. My feet hit the floor with a slam. Why do they feel so heavy? 

You could just lay back down before you have to commit to anything today.

You're right. God, those words are tempting. But no. I've got this.

I looked around and the first thing you notice about my apartment is what an actual shithole it is. Food trays and disposable water bottles everywhere. Clothes that cover the entire floor. It's impossible to walk around so you've got make small pathways to navigate through my shit. 

You

 are 

such 

a 

hassle.

Yeah. I know.