SHARING THE SPOTLIGHT [rewrite]

chapter thirty two

April 20th.

It's the day I fear that I'll lose my brother forever.

As of last night, Vylad was admitted into the hospital. Word travelled quickly as we tried our hardest to prepare ourselves for the goodbyes. No matter how hard we tried, we failed. I don't think you can prepare yourself enough for a goodbye like that.

I've never been afraid of hospitals. As a child, I thought they were the place where everything was okay again. Mom would take me, and I would come back out with the idea that I'll be well.

Vylad went in, and I don't think he's coming back out.

Ever since going back to school, I didn't favor week days. I looked forward to the weekends because that's when all the fun happened. Concerts, meet and greets, things like that. The week itself was filled with school. The only part of the day I looked forward to was band practice,, but that wasn't always full of fun and joy because I always remembered there was school the next morning.

Instead of sitting at a school desk, I'm sitting in a hospital chair watching my dying brother. Every breath he takes makes me pray that it isn't his last. I'd rather be at school if it meant Vylad was well.

Another doctor comes in to check on Vylad. He frowns as he turns to mom, telling her he thinks it's best if we start to say our goodbyes. My breath hitches in my throat from his words, and I can see mom trying her hardest not to break down.

The doctors leave us be in the room, and we slowly exit one by one to give whoever is with Vylad some peace and quiet. Mom decides she wants to go first and has dad stay with her in the room. I think she doesn't want to completely break down in front of Vylad knowing that's the last memory he'll have of her. Or, maybe, she's afraid she'll lose all of her strength if she doesn't do it now.

Dad leaves the room before mom. She stays in there for a few extra minutes before I see her exit and reach into her purse for a tissue. Mom looks defeated as she slouches in her chair.

Garroth goes in. Then Zane, then Laurance, then Alex. I'm left as the last one to bid their goodbyes before it's too late. I was the closest to Vylad, and he was the closest sibling to me. We were always around, and he was there every single time I needed him. It makes me feel that I failed him when he needed me most.

The door opens slowly with my push. I try my hardest not to stumble over my own feet the closer I get to Vylad. There's a chair beside his bed where others before me must have sat.

He looks pale in his bed. So. . . frail. I don't know if this is my mind playing tricks on me or if it's reality. I want to go to sleep and be able to wake up and know it's been all one big bad dream. Where I wake up in a jump start and walk down the stairs to see Vylad sitting at the kitchen table ready for breakfast. His smile wide and gleaming.

He smiles when he spots me. "I was wondering when I would see you," he says, reaching his hand out to me when I sit in the chair. I grab onto it. His hands are as cold as ice in my grasp. "There are some things I want to say before it's time."

My mouth drops open. It hits me every time like a boulder when he tells me that he's dying. Over and over again, every time. I try to push the idea to the back of my mind, but he constantly reminds me it's something that isn't going away.

He squeezes my hand, and that causes me to shut my mouth. I remain quiet for him to speak. I've said it before that there isn't enough time in the world to prepare for the loss of a loved one. I've proved myself right.

"I want you guys to be the one that cleans out my dressing room," he says, looking me straight in the eye. "I don't want mom or Leo to do it. Mom's too fragile right now to do it anyway."

I make a mental note to put aside time for Vylad's request. We have to clean our dressing rooms out anyway, but we'll have to put aside extra time for Vylad.

"I don't want you to quit music just because the band has to end."

"Vylad, it isn't the same without you," I say, trying my hardest to hold the tears inside. He's already speaking in a way of goodbyes. "Music won't be the same."

He shakes his head. "No, Y/N. The band won't be the same. You're right on that. Three original members and a new drummer? It'd be different. But Y/N, you have a gift. You can speak through music in a way that others cannot. You make something that saves people and makes them feel heard. Not everyone can do that."

"I wish things could've been different, Vylad," I admit, feeling tears prick my eyes. "I wish we could've continued with music forever, and you wouldn't be sick. You helped me all those times when I needed you the most, and I am so sorry that I couldn't help you when you needed me. That I was blind to what was really happening. You are the best brother that I could ever ask for, Vylad, and I love you so much."

I can see the pain on Vylad's face. He doesn't shed a single tear with my words. I don't know if he's holding it back or not.

"You didn't fail me, Y/N. Nobody failed me. I've come to the conclusion that I didn't fail myself, either. We can't tell the future, and we wouldn't have known what was wrong. You've heard the doctors. It can be misdiagnosed as a cold or the flu. Believe it or not, Y/N, you were there for me every step of the way. The camera I got for my birthday? You noticed I wanted that. Who helped me the most when it came to learning the drums? You did. You saw that there was more to me than just my intelligence. You say I was the best brother, but I think I'm the one who should be thankful for having a sister like you. I love you too, Y/N. Thank you for everything you've done for me."

He lets out a shaky exhale of pain. I lean forward to wrap my arms around him for a final embrace. This is his goodbye to me. Reassurance.

"You know, I've had a lot of time to think. Maybe I'm the lucky one. I won't be in pain anymore. I've learned it's better to accept my fate rather than fight against it. I was afraid of dying before, Y/N, and I didn't want to die. I wanted to stay here for as long as possible and live out my life. Then, I started thinking about Lady Irene. Everything happens for a reason, and everyone has a reason to be here. Maybe my reason was to bring joy and happiness to those around me and those who needed it most."

There's another exhale and a grunt of pain. He lets out a breathy chuckle before closing his eyes and resting his head against his pillow. "I think it's time," he says, letting go of my hand and giving me one last smile. There's beeping in the room, and it alarms me. "Promise me you'll remember what I told you."

The door opens, and I'm told to leave. They file around Vylad, trying their hardest to help him. I look at him one last time and nod my head. "I promise," I say, but it comes out as a weak whisper. He seems content with my words and lays his head back down after smiling.

The door shuts behind me. It isn't much longer before the doctors come out with their heads down.