STYLES in Disguise *slow editing*

CHAPTER 3: The Moment of Truth

The moment when I have realized that my mom was nowhere inside the room, I immediately felt anxious about her condition. As much as my memory is concern, her body was more damage than mine.

"Karen, please tell me. Where's my mom? Where is she?" I begged Karen. She remained standing beside my bed while the startled expression on her face was evident.

"Calm down Stacey." She grabbed my hand as I tried to get up on bed.

"How could you tell me to calm down? Can't you see my mom is not here!" I gazed at her. It was not my intention to raise my voice at her but who will blame me?

"She's fine." She said, almost a mumble.

"She's fine? So, take me to her." I said but more like a command. I pulled back my hand and managed myself to get up from my wobbly hospital bed. Karen did not anticipate my actions so she flinched.

My right foot began to take its first step over the cold tiles towards the door. Karen followed me from behind saying nothing.

"Stacey, this is not the right time to see her." I stopped and turned around to look at her.

"What do you mean? Is she really fine? Karen stop making fun of me because this is not funny!" I furrowed my eyebrows, giving her the hint that I am not joking and our situation is absolutely serious to make fun of.

The sadness inside of me just burst out when I came to think about my mom. I cannot describe the feeling. What if.... Always what if...

"Wait here." Karen hesitantly said. Before I could nod for a respond, she hurriedly paced to the door.

"Where are you going?" she took few seconds to face me as I stood there clueless of what she was planning to do.

"To the nurse's station." She answered me without any eye contact. Karen went out the room and I was left there all alone in an empty room.

I waited for how many minutes but Karen has not yet returned.

Where in the world is that nurse's station and took her so long? Every minute that was passing by made me thinking about my mom's situation and it kept me on wrecking myself little by little. I know being optimistic was the best option but I could not shut up my mind from wondering. It was not helping, yes, but it was the only thing I know to be ready in anything that could possibly happen.

Suddenly, Karen popped out of my sight. "C'mon. We're going to your mom." Her voice seemed sad but tried to hide it from me. "Just be strong for her, okay?" she interrogated as her fingers entwined between the gaps of my fingers. My mind was kind of confused of what she said to me but I just nodded.

A tall, blonde and handsome old man ushered us you the very last room of the building. We walked through identical doors and through the deafening silence of the surrounding. As our pace began to slow down, the tension inside has never been calm. I was not sure if what was happening but I've tried to be more optimistic. Never in a million years that I'd dreamed about being in a dreadful situation of my life like now.

A vintage door was opened in front of us. The environment was dimmed, scary and quiet as the sunlight through the windows only served at the light.

We all went inside the room. Letting the gold-haired man walked passed us, he stopped pacing at the side of an old, rusty hospital bed at the corner of the room. He waved his gloves covered hands at us instructing us to follow his direction.

When we got closer, I asked myself, "Why am I here? What am I supposed to do with this white fabric which is covering something underneath it?" apparently, I was clueless. I have never been here before so I have no idea.

Karen's dark brown eyes glared at me, never showing any of her bubbly personality.

"You'll gonna be alright." Said the tall, golden-haired man. Karen and him looked at me intently wherein I think the ere trying to see what would be my reaction as the guy slowly pulled up the white fabric. I was not sure what was behind that look I was not getting it. Little by little, I started to see a figure.

My heart seemed to be falling apart as it race fast to the thought of realizing something. No way!!!

"No! No! this cannot be happening. This is not real. This is just a dream, right?" I shook my head in disapproval. My pale fingers nervously fiddled with each other. Karen rubbed her palm over my back and looked at me with sympathy but I do not need any of it. I just want my mom back, that's all.

The creamy white fabric was fully pulled up. My eyes widened at the sight of my mom's lifeless body. She was like sleeping calmly, but in reality, she will never be back.

I felt numb, broken, torn and speechless. The emotions inside me got heavier and heavier. I couldn't help myself from hugging her cold lifeless body wherein my tears streamed down my face.

My wounded body collapsed on the cold floor, feeling weightless. I curled up my knees and place my hands over my chest as I sobbed harder.

"ssshhhh..." Karen hushed, hugging me to the side. "oh. Stacey", her voice cracked, letting me to looked at her teary eyes.

"What would I do now Karen? I have nothing left. Why now? Why now when I need her the most. Karen, why? "

"Stacey, I really don't know. But if she's here right now, I know what will she say, and it's for you to be strong." I gave her my weakest smile.

"I don't know how to be strong again Karen, especially now. I don't know what's ahead of me. I should've died too if she's leaving me." I said abruptly. I mean, it's true. There's no reason for me to stay alive because I do not know how to live on my own.

"Don't ever say that. I'm here and my family is here for you. You're not alone." I am thankful that she has been there for me no matter what happen.

I stood up, have nothing else to say. This is the stage of my life that I've been worrying about. Though I want to cry it all out, I know to myself that there's no use, nothing's going to change.

"Mom," my shaky voice whispered. Looking at her again felt so surreal. I will miss her precious laugh, her corny jokes, her everything which made me who I am.

How could I be strong if my strength is gone? How could I make a brand new start if the whole me was torn apart? Please tell me now. I know everything has its end but it's too early.

"Staccey, we have to go now." Karen told me from my back. I was not ready to leave my mom there but I got no chance to persuade Karen so I simply nodded.

"Mom, I love you and I always will." I managed to give her smile before putting back the white fabric over her beautiful face.

On my way toward the door, I staggered.

My thoughts about my life without her bothered me. I'm happy that she had rested from all of her sufferings but.... It hurts.

They say if you love someone, set it free. Now, I understand.

Why is it that leaving and setting free are the most heart breaking moments of our lives?

I know she's happy now because she's with my father and older brother in heaven. I wish I could go with her to experience the feeling of having a complete family.