The Devil on Kazoo

3: Man About Town

                                                                                          I'd like to be                                                                                                                                                                             Under the sea                                                                                                                                                                    In an octopus's garden                                                                           In the shade

       The Beatles, "Octopus's Garden"

As soon as Smiley came home from school, Bash handed over the headset and mics to him and Syl.

Kathy, who had to go to the store to pick up a mannequin that was not as flammable as the last one, was going to accompany Bash on his visit to The Big Man.

The Kinks were blaring from the speakers (Smiley said he needed the noise to wash away all of the day's worries) as Bash came up from downstairs.

All three heads on deck turned to look at him and immediately erupted into laughter. Even Syl, who did not usually succumb to such outbursts, looked quite amused by the spectacle of Bash wearing shoes.

Bash spread his hands apart and did a half-turn, unable to resist joining in their laughter.

"You look like–" Syl tried to articulate, waving her hands in the air, "what is the flightless bird? The one in the–the snow?"

"A penguin!" Kathy shrilled, leaning back and snorting as she laughed.

"Alright, alright, buzz off," Bash said. "I don't like it any more than you do."

Smiley shushed them as the song on the radio ended and Syl muted her mic to come over to him.

"What is this?" she asked, clucking her tongue and gesturing to the mismatched buttons on his shirt.

Kathy came to stand next to her and, collectively, they looked disappointed.

Bash sighed. "Bloody Nora, I thought I was just getting dressed, not being paraded down Carnaby Street!"

Syl looked at her accomplice beside her. "Kathy, please go get this poor oborvanets a tie."

Kathy scrutinized Bash's outfit and nodded to herself before disappearing downstairs to look through her copious boxes of fabric and swatches of cloth.

Syl stood in front of him and began re-doing the buttons. "You know we only jest."

Bash chuckled. "I know. So do I. But do I really look that bad?"

Syl shook her head. "No, no. You just don't look like yourself, that's all. Besides, who cares what you look like as long as you make The Big Man happy, keep this boat from sinking, and make sure none of us die from starvation and exposure?"

Bash blinked. "Was that supposed to be comforting?"

Syl poked him in the chest, her face stern. "Weak men need comforting. Real men take the elk by the horns so they can dodge the bullet." She paused, rethinking her sentence. "Is that how it goes?"

Bash chuckled. "I think you either mean take the bull by the horns or dodge a bullet, but I understood what you meant."

"Here! The perfect one!" Kathy marched a deep crimson tie around Bash before looping it around his neck.