Always {S.M.}

Chapter 27

(five days later)

{Gracelyn Adams}

My eyes fly open, and I stay still. Shawn is still sleeping next to me. Another cramp courses through the lower half of my body. I haven't had any cramps or Braxton Hicks since I have become pregnant.

This could be nothing, but it just makes me nervous. Okay, if it happens two more times, I'll wake up Shawn and we can go to the hospital. If not, I'll just go back to sleep and everything will be fine. I start drifting off to sleep and then another cramp comes through, but this time I feel a lot of pressure. I can't wait for another one to happen. It's getting intense.

"Okay, okay, okay." I whisper to myself. I gently shake Shawn's shoulder. He starts mumbling and shifting, but doesn't wake up. I shake his shoulder more aggressively and say, "Shawn!" He shoots up, jumping out of bed and says, "What? What's going on?" He looks at me and I have a hand on my belly.

"What, is something happening with Charlotte?" he asks, placing his hand on my hand. "I don't know. It just doesn't seem normal. I feel a lot of pressure and I'm cramping. That hasn't happened before." I say.

He quickly comes around to my side to help me out of bed. "No, Shawn, I'm fine. I'm not hurting or anything. It just feels weird and uncomfortable. Can you put some clothes in a bag for both of us, just in case we have to stay a couple of days?" I ask. "Wait, you think we might have to stay a couple of days at the hospital?" he asks, panicking. "I don't know, Shawn. I don't know what this is. I can't have you panicking, okay? Look at me." I say, putting my hands on each side of his face.

He stops what he is doing and looks me in the eye. "Everything is going to be okay. I know you are worried. I am, too. But I can't panic because if I panic I'm gonna cause a lot of stress on the baby. And you can't panic because if you panic I panic, okay? We want what's best for our little girl, so let's stay calm." I say, kissing his cheek. He sighs at my words and nods. "Okay. We are staying calm." "We are staying calm." I repeat. "So, you get the bag with clothes, toothbrushes, hair brush, anything we might need. I'm going to go to the nursery and pack up a few diapers, outfits and other things we might need if she comes early." I say. His eyes slightly widen as he hears my words and I say, "Staying calm." He nods. "Staying calm. Staying calm." he recites to himself as he goes and grabs a bag.

I head to the nursery (not even really a nursery, just a room holding all the things in boxes right now), grab the diaper bag we bought and put three outfits, two-night outfits, a blanket, a little hat, a bottle, formula (even though I want to breastfeed, but I bring it just in case I can't), and other things. When I'm done packing, I head back to our room, seeing Shawn tying his shoes, with the bag sitting next to him. I set the diaper bag next to our bag and say, "I'm going to go change and then I'll be ready, okay?" I ask.

He nods, giving me a quick kiss. He starts making our bed, trying to occupy his mind on cleaning so he doesn't think about the baby. I brush my hair, brush my teeth, (put those in the bag) put on some clothes, then my shoes. I grab my phone charger, a book, and airpods, putting it all in the bag.

"Okay, Shawn, I'm ready." He grabs the bags walking in front of me down the stairs. "Hold on to the rail, please, hun." he says, walking slowly. "I am, love. Don't worry." I say, rubbing his shoulder.

We quickly go to the car and Shawn gets us to the hospital fast, since there was no traffic because it's 2 in the morning. Shawn grabs the bags, helps me out of the car, and we head into the emergency room.

We explain everything to the nurse on call, and she puts us in a room and tells us to wait for the doctor. Shawn's holding my hand, bouncing his leg up and down. I place my hand on his knee and his leg slowly comes to a stop. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm trying to stay calm." "It's okay! You are doing great. Don't worry."

"It's stupid. I'm supposed to be the one calming you down." He says, wrapping his arms around my waist, looking up at me. "It's okay, honey. Really. I'm okay. I think everything is going to be fine." I say. He nods and agrees with me. "I hope so."

The doctor comes in and says, "Hi, Grace. Hi, Shawn. I hear we have some pressure and mild cramps?" she says. I nod. "Yes." "Okay, any pain?" "No, not really. Just uncomfortable from the cramps and pressure." She nods. "Have you experienced any backaches?" "Yes, but isn't that normal for pregnancies?" "It is. Okay, so I'm going to do a real quick exam. I'm going to need you to put your legs up on the stirrups, okay?" I nod, putting my legs on them.

She puts gloves on, sitting in front of me on a stool. "Okay, you are going to feel my hand, okay?" she says. "Okay." I responded. I feel her hand and squeeze Shawn's hand.

The doctor notices my movement and asks, "Does it hurt?" "It feels sore. Kind of like a pulled muscle." I say.

She nods. "That's normal with what we are dealing with." She starts taking off her gloves and I see a bit of blood on them. "Wait, is that blood? What are we dealing with?" I ask, slightly starting to panic.

"I believe we are dealing with something called an incompetent cervix. Your cervix is getting more pressure on it as the baby grows, just like any other pregnancy. But your cervix is starting to open before your baby is ready to come out. So, I'm going to use an ultrasound to make sure I'm right about this."

"And if you are, what does this mean?" Shawn asks. "Usually, we can just send you home to be on bed rest. But depending on how to open your cervix is, you might need surgery. If it's too far along, I'm afraid we might have to deliver your baby early."

Anxiety shoots through my body and I say, "No. If she's born now, she won't have a chance at survival. That can't happen!" I say, tears start forming in my eyes. "She has a smaller chance of survival being born now, but she still has a great chance of surviving. We aren't there yet, though, so let's not panic." The doctor says, placing a hand on my knee, which is still in the stirrups.

She does the ultrasound and says, "Your cervix is open quite a lot, but we can just do a surgery to stop the cervix from opening anymore and you should be able to carry your baby close to full term."

I nod and start calming down. "So, we are going to move you to a more permanent room, since you will need about three days to recover. But we can do the surgery in the room. So, I'm going to go get the nurses to move you to your room and I will meet y'all there to perform the surgery." I nod and she leaves the room.

"Shawn, surgery? I've never had surgery. I-I-I've never had surgery." I say, starting to sob. "Baby, baby, it's going to be okay. I promise. They are going to numb you and you won't feel any pain. If you have this surgery, you will be able to carry Charlotte to full term. That's what we want. We've got to do this for her, remember?"

He asks, rubbing my cheek and wiping my tears away in the process.

I nod. He kisses my head and says. "It's all going to work out."

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"Okay, Grace, we are done. You can take your legs out of the stirrups." the doctor says. I gently take my legs down. "So, we are going to want to keep you here for three days so that we can monitor your healing process. After that, you are free to go home. Usually you can resume regular activities, like going to work and hanging out with friends. But with you, I want you off of your feet as much as possible for two weeks. We don't want the stitches ripping and having to repeat this whole process again, okay?" she asks. I nod. "Okay." "Okay. My nurses will be checking in with y'all every couple of hours." She heads out the door, and I look at Shawn.

"What's wrong?" he asks. "I don't know. I just want to cry right now. She's okay. Charlotte's okay. But I still just want to cry." I say. Shawn wraps his arms around me and says, "I know, hun. Does it hurt?" "Not, really. It's still numb." I say. "Well, that's good. Just rest, okay? I think you should sleep. You look exhausted." he says.

I nod. "I really am. You should, too. Want me to scoot over?" I ask. He shakes his head. "I'll just sleep on the couch." I make a face at him. "Hey, it's actually really comfy. Get some sleep, my love." he says, kissing my head.

"Okay. I love you. Thank you for being here." I say, rubbing his hand. "Of course, my darling. I will always be here."

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