I Don't Like The World, I Only Like You

Chapter 4: The Person Before Me is the One I Love

In this Chapter of I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You, we learn about the reason why Jennie and Mr. L lost contact for a grand total of four years before reuniting. Here, we learn a little bit more about Jennie's insecurities and fears when she was younger, and how she gradually learned to grow out of them and learned to value and treasure the person in front of her, whom she loves. We then continue at one of my favorite scenes in the book – where Mr. L has sufficiently matured after four years at University to learn how to put aside his pride even in the face of Jennie's rejection. Four years ago, when Jennie rejected him, he broke off all contact with Jennie. Four years later, when he thought that Jennie was going to try and pursue another guy, he told her to go (albeit quite rudely), and to return whenever she's tired. What a sweet, sweet Mr. L.

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The summer after we finished our High School Graduation Examinations was the most difficult summer I experienced in my life. Mr. L had gone to England to study, and the two of us began a cold war that lasted for four years. The reason for the cold war is rather hilarious – he confessed to me, but I rejected him. Actually, it couldn't really be considered a confession; as Mr. L was rather proud and somewhat introverted, his confession was also expressed in a rather roundabout manner.

I was in a foul mood when I arrived at the farewell dinner organized by the class, as I had just learned that Mr. L was about to fly to England for further studies. What's worse was that I had learnt it from others, as he never mentioned a single word to me beforehand. A few male students were ribbing each other, declaring that the first thing they were going to do upon commencing university is to get themselves a girlfriend and that they must have had experienced first love by the end of their first year. Our retarded class representative even set up an instant club named "Yet to Experience First Love Squad", and Mr. L had been listed as one of its members.

In the end, Mr. L calmly said, "I already have a first love."

Mr. L was staring at me when he said this, so everybody started to tease the both of us. Ultimately, however, everyone quieted down and began to glance at me, as I was still frozen at that spot.

I felt extremely infuriated at that point in time – he was about to leave anyway, so there was absolutely no meaning in saying such things at this point in time! Or did he think that teasing me was a fun thing to do? I replied coldly, "First love is something that can only be experienced by two willing parties."

This is probably the sentence that I regret saying the most in my entire life.

He stared at me for a few seconds before lowering his head and remaining silent. Subsequently, somebody changed the topic and everybody intentionally ignored the awkward situation that had just happened. When the dinner ended, everybody returned to their respective homes. Somehow, only the both of us were left, so he accompanied me to flag a taxi by the roadside. I could feel his anger, and so when the taxi arrived, I intentionally told him in a casual manner, "Let's stay in touch when you reach there."

He replied expressionlessly, "I won't contact you again."

He was a man true to his word. During the subsequent four years, he never took the initiative to contact me, and never even replied to the voice messages which I had left for him.

I know a lot of people are unable to understand why I rejected him. I thought about this issue very seriously before, and initially, I thought that I was simply angry – angry that he was leaving to such a faraway place, and yet he couldn't even break the news to me personally.

But even if he hadn't left, and he had stayed, would I have accepted his confession?

Somehow, I don't think I would have accepted him either.