i think everyone cares about what other people think of them. they might try to make it seem like they're different by putting on this "i don't give a fuck." personality but deep down..they care.
i would say a perfect example of that would be me but i think nate takes fucking cake for that-
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𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐚
i stared up at him, not saying a word. he took his hands off my arms, giving me a little space. "desdemona?" i focused on my breathing before finally remembering how to talk, "the restroom ." "what?" "i was trying to use the restroom." i looked around, refusing to make eye contact.
"why would you use the restroom in a random persons trailer?" "these trailers aren't here to use the restroom in?" he shook his head at me, " that's what the porta potties are for." fuck.
"oh..well this is my first carnival so i didn't know if those were sanitary." i was trying my hardest to think about anything else to make me less nervous but i knew i was failing.
"im gonna go find me a clean porta potty now." i started walking away but his hand wrapped around the back of my neck, pulling me back towards him.
he gently tilted my head back, my eyes finally making eye contact with him. "were you looking for me desi?" i felt his hand release my neck but i still looked at him. "i was worried about you.. it looked like-" "like what?" he questioned , his face leaning closer.
"like..something was off. did i do something?" "yes. yes in fact you did desi. i don't know what else to do. do you want me to continue to play with maddie or do you want me to beat the fuck out of ci? because i will for you." i stepped away from him, confused.
"what?" " what do you want from me desi?" he took a step forward as i took a step back. "i..i don't know what you're talking about nate." "desi when i first saw you..i knew you were mine. i don't give a fuck if i sound cocky- i am cocky. we've gathered that. us talking at that party? only made me want you even more. i cared for you even when you were black out drunk. you're different desi.. you saw me for who i really was- a monster. yet you didn't run away, it didn't even phase you. i fucked it up because i wasn't used to anyone seeing my truth. i tried - i even got back with fucking maddie but you didn't need me.. i needed you. "
"you are my addiction and im fucking pissed that everyone gets to have a taste but me." i was taking step after step, my body backing into a trailer as his muscular arms caged me in.
"nate-" "your moans , your cries, yours pleads? i want them to be for me- no i want them to be BY ME! NOT FUCKING CI! " I turned my head to the side, his fist smashing into the trailer. the sound echoed loudly, his fist reaching back to punch it again but i grabbed it before it made contact with the trailer, my hand slowly caressing his badly bruised knuckles.
"the call went through desi. i heard everything." it felt like it was getting harder and harder to breathe as his face was inches away from mine.
"not only did it make me want to fuck you even more.." i stopped breathing, feeling his lips go to my ear. "but it made me want to kill ci." my eyes got wide as he stared at me while biting down on his bottom lip, getting angry again. "is that what you want?" "no.." "do you want me to fucking kill her?" "no i don't !" "ill do it. keep fucking playing desdemona!! because ILL KILL ANYONE IF IT MEANS I GET TO HAVE YOU! you just..you just don't see me."he whispered the last part while shaking his head.
"you just don't FUCKING SEE ME-" i gripped his shirt in my hands, pulling him towards me. i leaned forward, my lips crashing into his, not wanting to hear anymore of it. he didn't waste a moment, his tongue swiping over my bottom lip before filling into my mouth.
my hands snaked through his hair, balling it in my fists. while his hands gripped all over my body, from gentle to rough, he pulled roughly at my dress, loosening all the knots i had tied as the length of it went from my thigh to my waist in seconds.
his touch caressed over my ass, grasping it slightly before smacking my ass. the sound echoed louder as he repeatedly slapped it, putting more strength into his slaps. i bit down on his lip, feeling the stinging sensation cascade over my whole body but what was once pain...soon turned into pure bliss.
"look at me." he grabbed my chin, his dirt brown eyes studying me once more. "if you look away ill stop." i nodded, gripping his chin and bringing his mouth to mine.
i moaned into his mouth, his hand colliding with my ass as i continued to fist and pull at his hair. i knew he was taking out all the frustrations that i had caused him. i knew he wanted me to feel the pain that he was feeling..and i wanted too.
my tongue swirled around his, my eyes never daring to break eye contact with him as his hand crashed against my ass, gripping it so hard, it made me cry out more than before.
i felt a vibration in my inner thigh as a piano ringtone soon went off after. our bodies unraveled from eachothers touch, his hand going into his front pocket and pulling out a flip phone.
he flung it open and put it up to his ear. "yes dad. i went somewhere..none of your business. you and mom can run the booth without me..fine..im on my way." he slapped his flip phone shut, acknowledging me staring at his phone.
he put his phone in his pocket, his hands pulling my dress down and retying my knots. "...what happen to your old phone?" i couldn't hold myself back from asking. his lips turned upward into a smile as he met my gaze.
