Test

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Leena's POV :

I woke up, in my bed "Alhamdulillah it was just a dream" I whispered to myself. No pregnancy, no Jake, no Molly, no Jerks. "Everything was a dream since I came to America" I turned around and ...
I saw Simon covering his face with his hands, "Oh please don't say that we .." I sighed, not everything was a dream then..
"I'm sorry, we got drunk and lost control.." He sighed, "Oh no, don't say it !!! I thought it was a dream" I cried, "Uh, I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore" He said. "My dream is coming true, he's going to leave me now to face my mistakes" I whispered to myself, "What?" Simon frowned.
"It's Okay, I know what you're going to say. You are sorry but things won't work because you love the old Leena not the new one. Just leave. But, you should know that you are a stupid jerk and I hate you" I cried.
Simon left the room just the way I saw him in the dream.

Should I revenge ? What if everything I dreamed of came true ? What if I end up in an old house with Jake and his friends who clearly wanted to rape me?

What about pregnancy ? What if I end up being a single mother like what happened in my dream ?

What if ...?

What if I could change my fate ?

I went to school wearing shorts, nobody recognized me, Conor flirted me many times just like what I saw in my dream, Simon glared at me when I spoke to Peter the way he did in my dream.

My friends came, "This is our friend's locker, Leena" They said. This dream is literally coming true ...

"No, I'm not going to make the same mistakes again" I told myself, "I'm Leena, where is Molly ?" I asked, "We haven't seen her since you left" Diana said.

Jake tried to touch me many times but I didn't even glance at him.

....

A month later ..

I heard a knock on my door, "If my dream was true, this would be Simon with a pregnancy test" I jumped off the couch.

"What?" I asked, "Stop that bullsh** between you and Jake" He said, "Can we skip to the part where you hand me the pregnancy test?" I sighed, shock was obvious on his face, "H-how did you-", "Just give it to me" I took the box and got inside the house.

I closed my eyes "I tried my best to change my fate, the dream I saw was a glance at my dark future and I have been trying to change it since I woke up, I hope this test shows one line" I opened my eyes.

Guess you can't always change your fate ...

I walked to Simon, "Two line" I said, he was about to say something "Can we skip the part where you scratch my heart with your words and go to the part where you leave me alone silently" I tried to hold my tears.
...

Now what? How much further can I go? How much worse can I get?

I was wrong, I made a huge mistake the second I decided to leave my country.
I was wrong when I became Okay with staying at the Carter's house.
I was wrong when I went to a school that wasn't only for girls.
I was wrong when I first smiled to Simon.
I was wrong when I went to Molly's house and agreed to stay even though the boys were there.
I was wrong when I accepted Simon's gift and the party he held for me.
I was wrong when I went to the park with him.
I also was wrong when I called him to help me with the sheep.
I was wrong when I went to the cafè with him after visiting the orphanage.
I was wrong when I let hame travel to Jordan with me.
I was wrong when I lied to Karam.
I was wrong when I went to Starbucks with him.
I was wrong when I kissed him under the tree.
And my hugest mistake was falling in love with him. I forgot that everything that falls breaks. That following your heart leads to huge mistakes that cannot be erased.
I was wrong when I stayed with him im my new house alone.
I was wrong when I went to the club with him.
And all those mistakes were because ... I listened to the Satan.
Because I believed what Satan said about freedom, about living my life without limits, about leaving Islam for minutes to have fun.
My mistakes grew when I believed that Islam taims us and stops us from living our  lives to its fullest.
When I believed that hijab, prayers and clothes don't matter and that Islam is in the heart not in the appearance, I was wrong.
Islam is truly in our hearts, but. How does it make sense ? being Muslim without having Islam being shown in your attitude and look?
What are the benifits of being Muslims while our attitudes show anything but Islam? How can we be different than others ? How can we become the best? How can we get into paradise and have our prophet Mohammad proud of us if we keep stuck to the idea that says "Islam is in our hearts" It sure is, but how can you be Muslim without praying ? Without lowering your gaze? Without respecting others? Without being modest? Without being nice to others? Without being helpful to other Muslim brothers/sisters and the whole community?
How can you win Jannah without following the rules of Islam?

It's said that you only learn from your own mistakes. Too bad it happened to me. But, things might have gone worse.

I tried to let go of my religion to become free. But I actually let go of my life.

I realized that freedom isn't about wearimg shorts, drinking, clubbing.
Freedom comes with huge responsibilities.
Freedom is being capable of making your own life by making the right decisions.

Islam had never handcuffed and won't ever handcuff anybody.
Whiskey and beer are not allowed because of their bad effects on brain functions.
Women are supoosed to cover themselves up to protect themselves. Plus, precious things are always covered.
And love ... Love is allowed,  you can't  control your feelings, but the things we do in the name of love... Those are not allowed. You can't have a boyfriend,  kiss him and touch him and then blame everything on your feelings ... That's why you are told to lower your gaze, so you don't get much affected by the other gender and do what I had done.
But, love isn't only between two different genders, love your parents, your family, your friends. Love isn't about holding hands or kissing. Love is when your mother stays up on her feet to make you dinner.
Love is when your father stays up all night and works hard to provide money, food and a decent home for you.
Love is when your friends stick by your side when you're weak.

Everything has a reason, nothings is forbidden without a reason.

Only if you take a look at your prize for following Allah's orders.

Paradise ...

Only if you knew what's in it.

In paradise, if any kind of food crosses your mind, you'll have it in a plate in front of you.
Rivers of honey.
Endless life.
You won't suffer anymore.
You'll live happily ever after ...
There's much more In heaven/paradise that nobody has ever seen, heard of or even imagined.

Some facts cannot even be imagined, and you'll always reach a point where you don't have an answer ... Then, go to the Holy Qur'aan, it has all the answers.

...

I only had two choices : I'd either continue living my life the way Satan tells me ...
Or I'd live the rest- I mean 'save' the rest of my life by living it the way Islam says.

I couldn't handle anymore mistakes, I was so thirsty for praying, for reading Qur'aan and for Allah's forgiveness.

Only if you knew how great Allah is, he forgives everybody for any and every sin. All you have to do is Istighfaar, just get back to the right path and you'll win Allah's forgiveness and heaven.

It's never too late to be forgiven, because as long as we are humans, we won't be perfect. As long as Satan exists inside us, he will keep seducing us until we fall.

So ... Hijab, loose clothes, prayers, Qur'aan, Istighfaar and Jannah?
Or, Makeup, short skirts, bikinis, clubs, Beer and Hell?

I want Jannah.

I just have to find the way back to the right path.

.......

So ?

....

The moment you've been waiting for has finally come.