The Great Resignation

The Great Resignation 2

After I worked in a government office as a JO, I applied at a government bank when I passed the Civil Service Exam with the help of an old relative that has some connections inside. That's also the reason why my mom insisted that I take up the Civil Service Exam as it will be easy to find a job because someone will help me.

I actually do not want to work at a bank but I did not say anything to my mom because she wants me to have a job, ASAP.

I did not expect anything. I don't even care if I will get in. But, surprisingly, I passed in the whole process. You can ask me why I am surprised. Well, it's because I always fail all my interviews, really. I can probably say that as my answer if someone would ask me what's my weakness.

I was not happy. That's all I know.

I waited for 9 months till I was called for training.

I accepted the job not because I wanted to but because I was hopeless and desperate.

I did not thank myself for getting in because I aced the written exam and f*cked up the interview. I did not thank myself for passing the Civil Service Exam because that's just one requirement if you want to work in the government office. I wanted this to be a big deal but it's not for them. For them, it's just right that I passed and got the job. Period.

How will I start if I'm so sad and unmotivated?

What I felt at that time was I do not deserve anything. I'm not doing this for myself, I'm doing this for all the people around me. I already lost myself. I don't even know what I want, where I want to be, what's my dream... I'm lost.

But, I do not have any choice. This is what they want. This is what makes them smile and happy. Ako lang ang nag-iisang malungkot.

I keep everything to myself thinking that maybe, it will all pass. Maybe, I will be happy just how they are happy because I'll start earning money. Sino bang hindi masaya kung kumikita ka na ng pera?

I took up the challenge. They gave me a chance in life. So what if I graduated from a different course and I'm becoming a banker? I can learn all over again. At least, I know that's what I'm good at.

I made new friends. I was happy. That's what I thought.