I'm getting changed in the bathroom when the thoughts come flooding in.
Alfie. I want him so badly but he will never want me. I want to be his and want him to be mine. He is more perfect than words can describe. He is caring, good looking, loyal and anything a girl could ever ask for.
I want him
So so much.
~
We sat up for ages talking about stuff. I told him about my old boyfriend, about that night... The twisted events of it all...
I can still remember it all to well. The pounding, the hiding, the screams and silence that followed. It just came out like flowing water. Alfie drifted off to sleep around 3am but I'm still up. I can't think straight, I've got pins and needles on my tongue. I eventually drift into a sleep, but not for long since I had a dream about "That night" again. I've been having the same dream over and over for the past few weeks and it's starting to scare me now.
I'm like a broken record. I keep repeating the same thing over and over again but I can't do that to Alfie. I know I will screw things up with him at some point and I can't make him go through with it. Ever. he doesn't deserve that kind of pain. The pain when you can't speak, can't breathe, can't hear anything and you don't know what to do with your life. The kind of pain that's called heartbreak.
