Self Destruction - 18+

1.CLAIRE

"JESUS CHRIST HOPE!" I screamed, slamming her bedroom door in shock. She yelped and I heard a body fall off of her bed. 

She stormed out of her room, still tying the silk string of her robe. "Can't you knock!?" She said, her face turning an unnatural shade of scarlet. "Can't you fuck your boyfriend at his place sometimes?" I asked , crossing my arms before hopping down the stairs. 

I ran over to the kitchen sink. "What are you doing?" she asked accusingly while I ran the tap. "Washing that sight from my eyes," I said sarcastically before grabbing a glass from the cupboard. 

"Hey John," I called out, raising my eyebrow and smirking at the sight of Hope's boyfriend hiding behind her. His face also an embarrassed shade of red.

The room went silent as I opened the yellow translucent pill container sitting on the kitchen counter. Hope's eyes watched as I tipped out the contents into my hand. "Claire, you can't take those for the rest of your life."

Anxiety Pills. Well, that's what we call them. I'm sure there's a scientific name for them but Hope and I don't bother to memorize it. 

I took a swig of the water, swallowing the tiny pill with it. "Did you use protection?" I asked, a smirk spreading across my face as I saw Hope's hand clench into a fist and John study the walls in embarrassment. "Relaaaxx," I sighed, placing the cup in the sink, "it's not like I didn't know you had sex. Trust me, I know alllll the details," I spoke cheekily, winking at Hope as though she and I shared a secret. 

John shot her a harsh glare and the words slipped out of his mouth. "Do you tell her about our sex?" he asked. I bit my lip containing my laugh as Hope froze, standing there very flustered. 

"I'm joking," I replied, patting John on the shoulder as I walked to the sofa, pulling out my phone. "I'm getting a pizza want some?" I asked. John relaxed a little and Hope just smiled. 

"Yeah. Cheese, mushrooms, sausage, and peppers," John said, before planting a long kiss on Hope's neck. 

God their cute. 

John sat on the couch, Hope between his legs as she leaned against John's front. I watched jealously as John's hands rubbed her sides, his lips sending noticeable shivers through her body. I blinked a few times, snapping out of my jealous trance before cracking a sarcastic line. 

"OH MY GOD," I said exasperated, "First I walk in on you two making babies, now I have to watch it?" I rolled my eyes as the couple started giggling. 

I stared at my home screen for a few long seconds, pushing away the lonely feeling in my gut. "Cheese, mushrooms, sausage, peppers, and olives?" I asked, clicking the options on my phone as I scrolled through the endless list of toppings. 

"No olives," Hope added, "John hates them." I sighed, knowing what was coming next. 

"Aw babe?! You remembered?" John spoke as though he was talking to a puppy. I bobbed my head with each word in a mocking way.

Hope giggle as he bit on her neck softly before soothing it with his tongue- "OH MY FUCKING GOD!" I yelled. Throwing a pillow at their faces. 

"You guys are disgusting!" I laughed. "Nahhhh," Hope said, playing with her boyfriend's fingers, "We're the cutest damn couple alive."

* * * * * * * * * *

I sat at my desk, my eyes examining the multiple sketches on my walls. Visual Arts. That's what I study. 

It's the only way I seem to be able to express myself. I've been hurt so many times to the point where I can't even talk about my feelings, I can only draw, sculpt, or paint it. 

I had a painting due in 4 days and couldn't think of anything. Sure, there are many things I could be painting about, especially since I haven't been able to express myself very much lately. 

How would you expect me to do that though? My professor looks at my work. I can't necessarily express my anxiety or hatred for myself. No, that's just embarrassing and seems like a pathetic attention seeking thing to do. 

I grazed my thighs, the thin silver scars barely noticeable through my black stained jeans. Maybe I could draw about my- NO. NO. NO. 

I shook my head. There is no way in hell that my teacher is going to find out about my scars through my art. 

"I need ideas," I whispered to myself. "Hmm?" A soft sweet voice hummed at my door. 

Hope was wearing one of John's stupid pun shirts. She looked beautiful. She always does. 

Her glossy golden eyes shone against her tanned skin, bringing out the masterpiece of freckles on her face. No wonder she's so happy. 

She's beautiful.

I looked over to the reflection in my dead computer screen. My hair was slightly tangled and the elastic was falling out. My face was pale and I had noticeable black eyebags, my lips were dry and I had a few stress zits on my chin. 

I hate myself. 

Hope caught me staring at myself, a look of disgust spread across my face and she slammed the computer shut. "You are gorgeous," she said, walking over to behind my chair. Her thin fingers taking out the elastic from my hair. I smiled, thanking her as she rested her chin on my forehead. 

Hope knew about my past. We had been bestfriends since grade 9 and she was the only person who stood by me through my terrible life. 

"Whatcha workin on?" she asked, my head moving with the movement of her chin on my scalp as she spoke. 

"I have a painting due in 4 days," I huffed, flicking a pencil across my desk and watched as the hardened eraser spun. 

"What does it need to be about?" Hope asked, her eyes brightening as she looked at all the sketches on the wall. "That's the problem! Mr. Wright said it could be whatever we want!" I whined, sliding down my chair like a pathetic child. 

The air was unusually still and I snapped my head around, sensing a huge grin on her face. "Well... there's a party..." I groaned and picked up the pencil, pretending to stab my heart multiple times out of annoyance and boredom. "Please!" she begged, grabbing the pencil from my hand and twisting it between her fingers. 

I stared into her eyes for a few hard seconds, a smile appearing on my face. 

I saw her eyes light up with excitement before I whispered the great word, "No." I chuckled as my smile lead her to think that I would agree. "Why nooottt!" Now she was acting like the child. 

"Hey, it's not that I don't like parties, but I'm just really busy..." I trailed off and she tilted her head while looking at me like I held some hilarious secret. 

"Ok, maybe I don't like parties that much-" She groaned and whined. "Just come with meeeeeee!" 

I sighed and flopped onto my bed face first. "Alright," I spoke into the pillow, hoping it would muffle my voice and she would mistake it for a refusal. I froze as I felt multiple pieces of clothing and on my back. 

I shot up, staring at Hope as she rummaged through my closet. "Hey!" I yelped, remembering an object I kept there in secret. "Wait!" I screamed, leaping towards Hope, but I was too late. 

"IS THIS A VIBRATOR!?" She screamed. A hint of excitement in her voice. I nodded my head very slowly and her jaw hit the floor. "Do you use it?" she asked. My cheeks flooded with warmth as I took it from her hands, stashing it underneath a pair of old leggings. 

She stared at me, her body jerking as she fought back laughter. I buried my face in my hands but she just giggled and patted my back as she continued looking through my dresses. "My baby's all grown up!" she spoke, wiping her eye as though a tear was trailing down her cheek. 

"Oh my gosh," I whispered, shaking my head that was still in my hands.