CONCLUSION
"I had to get out of there," Kurt told anyone who would listen. "The big one could come at any time." He didn't talk about Melissa or the other cats. At times, he wasn't even sure they had ever existed.
His memories were like a handful of isolated pieces from a jigsaw puzzle. An earthquake, mind-numbing pheromones', a hair-raising motorcycle ride over the switchback, and some impossible images of phaser fire and a cat leaping into the ocean waves.
His uncle had given him a job as a short-order cook right away, along with a bachelor apartment over the restaurant. Kurt spent most of his free time at home watching TV with the stuffed cat he had bought at a garage sale. It was a hassle to go anywhere without a car, and he didn't feel like going out anyway. He knew his friends were laughing at him for panicking at a simple 3.7 tremor. After all, the big one had never come.
One off-work afternoon, Kurt was absorbed in the most thrilling moment of a sword and sorcery movie when someone knocked. He tried to ignore it, but the person on the other side continued to pound on the door.
He got up, growling under his breath. Who in the hell was it this time? There were too many unwanted visitors here -- salesmen, bums, kids with chocolate bars, all intent on separating him from money he did not have.
"Hello! My name is Nancy." The young woman who greeted him with her enthusiastic hyena smile was wearing a blue pleated skirt and an immaculate white blazer with the word "CYBERKATZ" written in flowing script on the breast pocket. Obviously a salesperson. He would have slammed the door in her face, except for one detail.
She was holding a cat: a large cream-coloured fuzzball with bright blue eyes.
"Melissa!"
He reached out. Nancy gently placed her in his arms. He buried his face in the soft fur.
"She's so perfect," he murmured. "How did you fix her ears?"
"This is a Melissa unit," Nancy explained. "Our marketing focus group decided the name fit perfectly. Your Melissa was a prototype. This one is essentially the same model, with a few modifications."
He tilted his head. Melissa was purring: a low, rich rumble.
"You fixed the purr!"
Nancy smiled. "We thought you'd approve."
"How much?" he asked. "I don't have much money right now, but if you have a time payment plan--"
Nancy cut him off. "Complimentary. My company, Cyberkatz Unlimited, feels that you deserve some compensation for the unpleasant experiences you had with our prototype. It was malfunctioning, you see."
Kurt stepped back from the doorway. "Come in and tell me more."
He sat on the floor, petting Melissa, while Nancy rattled on about her product.
"Cyberkatz are the perfect pet. They are hypoallergenic, odourless, and never require messy food. They interact safely and positively with any human within range, and will even interact with each other in a life-like but non-violent manner. We are conducting our West Coast campaign now, and will be launching Cyberkatz in the prairies as soon as our supply catches up to the demand. There are fourteen different models, nine adults and five kittens. . . ."
Touching Melissa brought Kurt's memories into focus. He had almost convinced himself that the cat who listened was a fantasy. But here she was, along with all the good feelings he remembered.
He broke into Nancy's spiel. "Why were all those goons chasing me?"
"Well -- the Vice President of Development told me that the G700 prototype malfunctioned and crawled into your car, and they sent a team in to recover it." She giggled nervously. "It seems that you were extremely reluctant to give it up."
"Do you have an agent called Cynthia? She works out of Dave's Tattoo Parlour and Fantasy Broker."
"That doesn't sound like the kind of place we like to do business with," Nancy said with a silvery laugh. "But the Toptoy corporation was working very persistently to get hold of our prototypes. You must have run across one of their people. Everything has been properly patented and registered now, so those cloak-and-dagger days are over."
"Cynthia said something about alien encounter suits," Kurt said. "I tried to hide Melissa, but General Ajax chased her away and took apart my Gamestation to track her. I found her and we went over the mountain, and there was a big firefight and she died, only she didn't." He looked up at Nancy pleadingly. "At least, that's how I remember it. Am I crazy?"
Nancy patted his shoulder. "Perhaps you weren't able to interpret what you were seeing. The company was conducting some tests at the time, and there were some serious glitches."
"There was this huge firefight near the beach. . . ."
"Remote control. Part of the testing."
Kurt relaxed. "Of course. But why did Melissa jump into the ocean?"
"Just a routine test. You never know what children are going to do with kitty, do we?"
Kurt nodded. There were loose ends in Nancy's version of the story, but it was no crazier than his.
"Why did your company track me down?" he asked.
"You kept the G700 prototype out of the hands of the competition. We are very grateful. We would like to offer you a position with the firm."
"A position?"
"Distributor in the prairie region. You would be selling Cyberkatz wholesale. You would keep a sample of each model in your home, and demonstrate them to buyers."
He shook his head. "Thanks, but no thanks. Melissa is enough for me."
"Suit yourself." She took a business card from her breast pocket. "Just call me when your Cyberkat needs a battery replacement. Or if you change your mind about the job." She glanced around his near-empty apartment. "They are very generous, you know. They totally revolutionized my lifestyle."
"I'll think about it," he said.
After ushering Nancy out, he lay on his stomach facing Melissa.
"Welcome home, Sweetums. Whatcha think -- should I phone about that job? God knows I could use the money. It never occurred to me you might need a battery change. I thought you were rechargeable, like Ajax. Wish I'd asked what kind of batteries."
"Mrrr," Melissa said, and butted his nose.
"Hey -- that tickles!" Kurt pushed her head back and stared into the intoxicating perfection of her eyes. "How about it -- would you like thirteen brothers and sisters? You'd never get bored, that's for sure. Maybe I'll wait a couple of days, just so I don't look too hungry, and give 'em a call." He rubbed Melissa's ears and jaw line. "I've missed you so much."
*
Agent SX09 made some minor adjustments to his recording device and curled up to doze until his next scheduled maintenance check. Soon agents would be distributed all over the world, snugly hidden in Cyberkatz, and the Surface Expansion Strategy Board would be privy to all the secrets of the dominant species that threatened the existence of undersea creatures.
Peculiar creatures, these humans. They imagined their pets were inferior to them, but they told them everything.
THE END -- OR THE BEGINNING OF A NEW WORLD ORDER?
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Cyberkatz 1999
Science Fiction1999: Internet was new technology; virtual reality was in its infancy; phones were not as smart as they are today. While people worried about the transition to the next millennium, the world was quietly being taken over by ... cybernetic cats? K...
