The days were dark and timid
The voices screamed to me every night telling me of my own deceit
With rooms of people I felt the most alone, while alone they were all around me.
Beckoned were the demons to the hallowed casm of my mind.
I writhe as I feel the bruises tread across my body and mentality.
Where was she when I needed her most? I ask them
Where was our Sun when the mornings were hell?
Where was our Star when the evening ceased my breath with anguish?
Left awake to think away sleepless nights and where was she?
Livid was I that this was happening to me. Why God, why must it be me?
Burning with anger for what has been destined for me.
How was I to know this would be my fate? To be beaten to the ground, day in and day out.
How would I have known I were to die amongst myself every night? Whilst they rest in peaceful slumber.
How would I have known that I was destined to be the reaper? To kill off the parts of myself that I loved most. To kill off the god I once knew. To cloud and cover all the love I had for our Sun.
How would I have known? I ask them once more.
I think to myself now at this moment, “How would I have known?”
The answer is I couldn't have known. There is no way for me to have known.
I have realized that the past is the past no matter how painful.
Even though I still pick at my scabs, I am thankful that I am able to let that go, allowing the past to lay to rest.
With the majority of my life being hardship, I take time to cherish all the happiness I’ve come to have.
All the beautiful moments of joy shine through every corner of that darkness that lived in me.
I am thankful that I was resilient enough to go through these experiences no matter how many things kept telling me to let go.
With a life like that I know the example to set for my children.
With a life like that I know how to pave the way for a better future.
Not a life without suffering, but a life devoid of the suffering I once felt.
A life where they could never experience the obstacles or mistakes I had once made before them.
A life where the majority of it could be happiness.
Happiness, to be alive.
Happiness, to awake in the morning.
Happiness, to be with the ones they love.
Happiness, to have someone to love them in their presence.
I am thankful for the ability to lead this example for them.
