just coffee jelly (saiki x reader)

the past is done (bonus)

"how am I supposed to tie this thing! Y/n come help me!" 

Hello!

It's been quite a while, but I've decided to make one last entry before completely forgetting about this autobiography project I started in highschool.
It was a year or two since Saiki erased my memory.  It was a miracle that I made this autobiography, because then I wouldn't remember anything about Saiki who was until recently, known as that stranger with the hairpins who kept appearing everywhere I go.
Saiki was replaced with Aren in all of the "scenes" in my autobiography, and we kept going with life as if nothing ever happened. When I found this autobiography I was shook to the core. It was as if everything Iʻd ever done or believed in those years was a lie.
I remember everything, except for that last entry... 

I feel conflicted.

"Hold on hun, i'll help you." I can't believe this guy still doesn't know how to tie a tie.

I walked into the bathroom to see Aren struggling in front of the mirror. I rolled my eyes playfully, and turned him towards me to help, as he gave me a sheepish smile. This smile... I donʻt know what iʻll do...
I finished the tie, and looked up at Arenʻs innocent thankful smile.

Do I leave him, on our wedding day? It doesnʻt feel the same anymore... to be with Aren, the man iʻm with but donʻt love. Or do I love him? I donʻt even know anymore.
I returned Arenʻs thankful smile and walked out of the bathroom. The smile faded from my face slowly. I was so caught up in my own thoughts as i walked aimlessly, eventually taking a seat on our living room sofa.

Whyʻd you do it Saiki? Was i really such an annoyance to you... 

"I regret making you forget. Y/n, iʻm sorry..." 

Saiki?

"I tried time and time again to change the past, but it always ended badly. I couldnʻt do it. I couldnʻt change it, i was powerless..."

If you donʻt know why you did it, canʻt you tell me what i should do? Iʻm so lost right now...

"You should come with me. I know itʻs unreasonable, but-"

But what about Aren? Heʻs been good to me all these years, what kind of person would i be just to leave him on the spot? I donʻt know what to do Saiki, i donʻt know what to do... 

"No, iʻm begging you please... Itʻs not the same anymore, and i hate it now. Everyday is the same, and i know i said that i loved normal, but you were my normal! itʻs not normal anymore... itʻs not the same..."

I... really want to go back to you, i really do! But i just... canʻt. I already started a life with Aren, i canʻt just leave it all behind, heʻd fall to despair and it would be all my fault! 

"then you donʻt have to leave him. Just... give me a few hours a day, or a week even. Weʻll keep it a secret, and Kuboyasu will be fine." 

And so, even though we knew it was wrong, I would visit Kusuo for a few hours a day and we would be happy again. Itʻs been a while, and Aren hasnʻt found out. There were times when the guilt would swallow me whole, but Kusuo would comfort me, even thought i never really deserved it. I donʻt know how much longer this will continue, but until then, iʻm going to live in the present. The past is done.